Tag Archive | witch

American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 5 – TV Review

American Horror Story Coven witch burning

“That’s Burning Woman, you misogynistic shitlord.”

Did you really think Fiona wouldn’t be able to wriggle her way out of a little murder accusation?

That was Myrtle’s mistake.

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American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 3 – TV Review

American Horror Story Coven Madison Nan Luke cake

I’d probably choose the cake. If you were wondering.

Well, first we had death-by-rape.

Then we had making a man out of Kyle.

I didn’t expect to get horrified again, but American Horror Story has managed to turn even Mare Winningham into a debauched nightmare.

God, it’s good.

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American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 2 – TV Review

American Horror Story Coven Kyle bag pieces boy parts

She’s taking him out of the bag, so is that kinda the same thing?

Well, if I thought raping someone to death was the most fucked up thing this show could throw at me, clearly I was an idiot.

I mean, I’m an idiot most of the time.

But damn, AHS. You’re sick, bro.

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The Originals Season 1 Episode 2 – TV Review

The Originals Hayley abortion wolfsbane

StarBortions: our logo is just a deflated uterus.

Already?

Cool.

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The Originals Season 1 Episode 1 – TV Review

The Originals Rebekah premiere

Nah, babe. Go back to your book.

The Originals is finally here.

Again.

Umm…

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Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters – It’s Not Shit

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters incest subtext

You keep telling yourselves that.

Ever wanted to see Hansel and Gretel portrayed by the least impressive Avenger and Bond Girl B from that other Daniel Craig Bond film?

Well Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters doesn’t care what you want. You get what you goddamn get.

Luckily, that usually involves burst skulls.

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Oz the Great and Powerful – Film Review

Oz the Great and Powerful Evanora Glinda green lightning magic

Except China Girl. Because she’s shit.

Much like my dilemma with Chris Pine, I still can’t decide if James Franco is hot or not.

Most of the time it’s okay, but then he smiles and his eye crinkles explode and engulf the entire known universe.

Oh, there’re also witches or something in this movie. I was distracted.

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TV Review: The Vampire Diaries Season 4 Episode 23

You know, Revenge had a pretty good shot at the best finale I’ve seen this week.

It’s certainly ahead of Once Upon a Time. And Glee (but there’s no surprise there. At all).

But TVD always brings the goods in finales. Always.

Maybe Revenge will have its revenge (ah ha!) next season.

If I can make it through Revenge’s next season.

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CBF Review: Paranormal Activity 4

Paranormal Activity 4 Blair Witch Project

At least they learned something from The Blair Witch Project.

Horror CBF Reviews are becoming frequent. I’m losing my passion for the genre.

But come on, it’s fucking Paranormal Activity. 4.

It’s just the same old shit. You know it.

And it wasn’t as good as 3. Boo.

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TV Review: The Vampire Diaries Season 4 Episode 17

The Vampire Diaries Bonnie white eyes sacrifice

Unfortunately.

So Bonnie is apparently now a black hole of bad decisions.

She fucking sucks Caroline into her stupidity and causes her to make the 3rd and final sacrifice happen.

Fuck you, Bonnie.

Oh, and she gets goddamn amnesia, so now she doesn’t have to take responsibility for any of it.

Yay.

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