Tag Archive | twilight

The Apparition – Film Review

The Apparition Ashley Greene

No, Stephenie! Don’t listen to her. She’s crazy.

You’d think I would have had enough of shitty, empty horror movies this week.

Apparently I need to be a bit more discerning in my search for the next Absentia.

Or at least have the sense to stay away from anything featuring a Twilight refugee in a lead role.

My bad, guys.

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Film Review: Beautiful Creatures

Beautiful Creatures Viola Davis

Suh-lumming it.

If you need to read nothing else about this movie, at least know this:

It’s not Twilight.

Yes, it’s obvious Twilight hangover, but do you really think they’d allow anything like that shit to happen again?

Let’s hope not.

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Film Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Kristen Stewart Bella Robert Pattinson Edward vampires

“Hey, where are they going?”

I feel like making fun of Twilight is too easy.

So it’s perfect for me!

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Film Review: Breaking Wind

Breaking Wind Edward Jacob Kiss

It’s only a parody, but it’s the closest those fangirls are ever gonna get.

I know I know I know.

Guaranteed garbage, amirite? An easy target?

Not really, apparently.

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It’s Not Shit: Young Adult

Young Adult Charlize Theron

MFW EVERYTHING.

In the interest of not becoming a completely sour, world-hating, crusted set of labia, I thought I’d start a new segment called It’s Not Shit. Once a week (if I can be fucked) I’ll take a movie that isn’t a complete waste of time and actually hand out a sliver of praise. I’ll still tell you exactly what I hate about it, but you can consider these a, it pains me to say this, recommendation. I just dry retched.

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