Tag Archive | Sporty

The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 9 – TV Review

TVD Cold as Ice Julian drunk

Julian has never experienced a good TVD.

Well, my smarmy assertion last week about TVD’s fall against The Originals’ rise seems to be holding true.

The Originals had a powerful, knockout episode this week.

And poor TVD had to dangle the deaths of its leading men in an attempt to force us to feel anything about this once great soap.

Yawn.

Read More…

The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 8 – TV Review

TVD Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me Julian Sporty Baby Spice

Who knew that centuries’ old monogamist lesbians wouldn’t want their father figure’s penis in their bed, right?

It’s funny. As The Originals rises, The Vampire Diaries falls, and vice versa.

Season 5 of TVD was bland (after we lost Katherine, anyway), while season 1 of The Originals was a burst of fresh blood.

Season 6 of TVD gave us the holy, eternal Kai, while season 2 of The Originals stuck us with a no-stakes plot against the goddamn baby.

And now, as The Originals throws off the shackles of baby oppression and gets back to vampire business, so TVD sinks into mediocrity as every character somehow forgets how easy it is to stake or tear out a heart.

Let’s hope that mystery female assailant from the flash forwards turns out to be Katherine.

Read More…

The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 6 – TV Review

TVD Best Served Cold Caroline pregnant

TVD is making Twilight feel quickly paced. Which is almost impossible to believe.

Yes, The Vampire Diaries is finally making the textbook teen soap opera play of having a pregnancy arc.

But sorry, Ginger. It’s not you.

It’s Caroline and Alaric, of course. Who else would it be?

Read More…

The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 4 – TV Review

TVD I Carry Your Heart With Me Halloween episode

Yes, please.

You know how we were starting to see that problem last week of the Heretics having their villainy eroded at breakneck speed?

Yeah, that isn’t stopping.

Read More…

The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 2 – TV Review

TVD Never Let Me Go Enzo Lily flirt

Lock down that dick now, Lily! Do what Caroline never could.

Enzo doesn’t want to be one of Lily’s Heretic children.

Because he wants to bang Lily.

Caroline really missed her window on this one.

Read More…

%d bloggers like this: