Tag Archive | scary

The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 8 – TV Review

TVD Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me Julian Sporty Baby Spice

Who knew that centuries’ old monogamist lesbians wouldn’t want their father figure’s penis in their bed, right?

It’s funny. As The Originals rises, The Vampire Diaries falls, and vice versa.

Season 5 of TVD was bland (after we lost Katherine, anyway), while season 1 of The Originals was a burst of fresh blood.

Season 6 of TVD gave us the holy, eternal Kai, while season 2 of The Originals stuck us with a no-stakes plot against the goddamn baby.

And now, as The Originals throws off the shackles of baby oppression and gets back to vampire business, so TVD sinks into mediocrity as every character somehow forgets how easy it is to stake or tear out a heart.

Let’s hope that mystery female assailant from the flash forwards turns out to be Katherine.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 2 – TV Review

TVD Never Let Me Go Enzo Lily flirt

Lock down that dick now, Lily! Do what Caroline never could.

Enzo doesn’t want to be one of Lily’s Heretic children.

Because he wants to bang Lily.

Caroline really missed her window on this one.

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Scary Movie 5 – Film Review

Scary Movie 5 Ashley Tisdale

It’s been in there a while.

I was so close to not even bothering reviewing this at all.

But if I can give fucking Breaking Wind the time of day, I guess I owe at least that much to the zombified remains of Anna Faris‘ abandoned franchise.

Ashley Tisdale should really consider throwing a Bynes or a Miley if this is where her career is at, though.

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