Tag Archive | Review

The Scribbler – Film Review

The Scribbler Katie Cassidy Suki shock therapy

And Oliver’s bare torso.

Katie Cassidy: the queen, the goddess, my inspiration.

What are you doing here?

Read More…

Non-Stop – It’s Not Shit

Non-Stop Liam Neeson Julianne Moore text projection

I know the audience appreciates it.

Liam Neeson.

Julianne Moore.

Plane thriller.

Who knew the recipe to happiness was so simple?

Read More…

Vampire Academy – Film Review

Vampire Academy gay Lissa Rose feeding

Lissa didn’t hear the “out.”

What kind of sick world do we live in where a pseudo-lesbian vampire buddy dramedy by the director of Mean Girls is a sequel-killing flop?

I’m disgusted at all of us.

And it didn’t even deserve it.

Read More…

How I Live Now – Film Review

How I Live Now Saoirse Ronan hair

“I’m tired of looking like a dishevelled Zooey Deschanel who lost a fight with a bottle of Shower Power.”

I’ve been waiting for Saoirse to follow up Hanna with something equally as captivating.

The Host was doomed from the Stephenie Meyer start.

And Byzantium was, well, ugh.

How I Live Now will have to be good enough for now, I suppose. Because it beats the shit out of those two.

Read More…

Pompeii – Film Review

Pompeii Kit Harington abs movie

You will never not be a Game of Thrones reference, Kit.

A Paul W. S. Anderson movie without Milla Jovovich just doesn’t feel right, does it?

At least we can be thankful that everyone dies in this one. For good.

It’s not like that’s a spoiler. It’s Pompeii.

Read More…

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones – Film Review

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones Katie Kristi

“For only, like, half a second. But it still counts. Can we get paid now?”

I should preface this review by admitting I didn’t see the entire movie.

I only went to see it because I needed to kill some time, and I missed the first 5-10 minutes (I came in at the point where the boys were using that hidden camera to spy on that naked chick).

But it’s a Paranormal Activity movie, so as long as I started at any point within the first 40 minutes, I wouldn’t miss much.

Read More…

Girls Against Boys – Film Review

Girls Against Boys Danielle Panabaker

Just kidding. He didn’t make the movie. But he does possess a penis, which is all these two need to justify murder.

I had a pretty good time with my last revenge film.

But the good times stop here.

Read More…

%d bloggers like this: