No, instead of killing Scary Spice, or getting his obligatorily tragic backstory, we get Lily’s obligatorily tragic backstory.
About how Giuseppe Salvatore, her husband, and father to Damon and Stefan, was a turd.
Which we already knew.
But Lily desperately needed those Abused Wife points, huh?
Yes, The Vampire Diaries is finally making the textbook teen soap opera play of having a pregnancy arc.
But sorry, Ginger. It’s not you.
It’s Caroline and Alaric, of course. Who else would it be?
Yes, for the first time since season 2, Caroline sings unnecessarily.
And Bonnie’s back now, too. If you care about that kind of thing.
Is there still time to swap her for Liz?
Luckily for us, amnesia means that Regina and Robin get to flirt with each other all over again.
But unluckily, Once Upon a Time is staying on form from last week, because there’s no kiss.