Tag Archive | paul

It Follows – It’s Not Shit

It Follows Jay chloroform scene

Relatively speaking.

It’s about time I featured another horror movie, my most beloved of genres, on It’s Not Shit. It’s been almost two years since the last one. And that one was nowhere near as gripping as It Follows.

Which is almost as gripping as a big, strong man holding you down while putting chloroform in your face before giving you a lecture on a hell demon he’s just given you via his penis.

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American Horror Story Season 4 Episode 7 – TV Review

American Horror Story Freak Show Bette Dot Test of Strength

“And we know everything. But we won’t say it.”

I think I’ve finally given up on caring about this season.

Yeah, Dell murders someone. But that should be the bare minimum level of excitement for a horror show. Not the episode’s major perk.

At least Bette’s got some swish new hair.

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American Horror Story Season 4 Episode 6 – TV Review

American Horror Story Freak Show Bullseye wheel

It’s definitely more fun than passive-aggressive blanket hogging.

Elsa teaches us this episode that the best way to regain the trust of your doubting flock is to string your main critic up and throw a knife into his gut, then purposely and obviously neglect to call medical attention and wait for him to die.

That oughtta restore their faith in you, baby.

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Revenge Season 3 Episode 4 – TV Review

Revenge Victoria smile bitch

Bitches.

A year ago, who would have thought that Revenge would be back in (and almost topping. Almost) my good books?

And all it took was a little Victoria sass and some long overdue Nolan gay fanservice.

It’s like season 2 never even happened.

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Revenge Season 3 Episode 2 – TV Review

Revenge season 3 Emily

I don’t know. Does it count as “trying” if you don’t even have to try?

Yes, it’s dull and redundant.

But it’s still good enough to keep me going.

I just can’t resist a good old “poisoning someone to dupe them into thinking they have a fatal illness.”

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It’s Not Shit: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Perks of Being a Wallflower Nothing Hates U

Nope. Not even me.

WARNING: Extremely biased review incoming. If you’re only here to get your I Just Hate Everything fix (I can dream), then I implore you to ignore me wanking on about my “feelings” and skip down to Reasons to Hate. Otherwise, come walk through the fire with me.

So I think I better start off with a bit of sourness before I completely lose all my dignity.

I saw the trailer for this movie when I went to see Twishite: Breaking Bladders Part are-you-fucking-kidding-me-they-made-it-into-2-movies. And I was not convinced. It looked like another overindulgent teen movie that was all about how, like, high school is totes the most important time of our lives evar Lolz #yolo.

And yes, that element does creep through every now and then.

But The Perks of Being a Wallflower is the only movie this year, and definitely in a long time, that has actually made me feel something for longer than 5 minutes after watching it.

It’s been almost 24 hours, and I still can’t get it off my mind. And that’s an accomplishment. What, with all the porn and vidya games us kids have these days.

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TV Review: 30 Rock Season 7 Episode 8

30 Rock Colleen Christmas

The insult ratio of the jokes just tripled.

Good god, 2 episodes in a row with main character weddings.

And a funeral this episode, too.

I’m sure there’s a Four Weddings and a Funeral joke in there somewhere, but I honestly can’t be fucked.

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Film Review: Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages Tom Cruise Stacee Jaxx

Sometimes I think my jokes are too easy. But then I remember that this is a mediocre blog that nobody reads.

I was going to just write down a bunch of “HAHAHAHA.”

However, I feel like that would only express the condescension in my laughter, and not the overwhelming incredulity that I actually feel.

After watching Rock of Ages, I honestly can’t believe what I just experienced.

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TV Review: 30 Rock Season 7 Episode 2

30 Rock Black Hitler Jenna Tracy

There’s 30 Rock fan fiction? I don’t even wanna.

Every episode is a step closer to the heartbreak of the series finale.

If I had a heart to break.

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Film Review: Margin Call

Margin Call Jeremy Irons evil British

“British British British British.”

More like “Boring Call!”

I am Shakespeare!

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