Tag Archive | melanie

Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 13 – TV Review

Under the Dome Pauline dies Go Now season finale

Why must you linger, foul demon?

Don’t panic. She does die for good in this episode.

Big Jim isn’t as happy about it as I was, evidently.

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Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 12 – TV Review

Under the Dome Hunter Barbie gun hostage

The only thing less original than that wordplay is this show.

And no, this won’t be the last time (or the first) we see Barbie getting touchy-feely with the super cute Hunter.

Under the Dome may not be exciting, compelling, or make a lick of sense. But at least they’re tossing us so homoerotic subtext.

God bless.

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Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 11 – TV Review

Under the Dome Barbie Julia freeze cold ambulance Black Ice

Easy, peaceful, and a lot like freezing to death.

And we’re back to “random dome peril of the week” territory.

This time, it’s the sheer horror of rapid season change.

But if you’re anything other than an extra, you don’t have to worry. The main character mortality rate is nil.

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Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 9 – TV Review

Under the Dome Big Jim The Red Door

“You know we can’t deliver, right?”

You know what I would do if I was able to escape a death trap dome nightmare?

Immediately find a way back in.

It looks like Barbie, Pauline, Sam, and Lyle think like I do.

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Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 8 – TV Review

Under the Dome Barbie Hunter

On the outside, he’s more into perky little nerd boys who happen to look like models. As are we all.

Just kidding. Nothing that spectacular could ever happen on this show.

I’ll just have to settle for some lukewarm conspiracy dramz.

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Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 7 – TV Review

Under the Dome egg cave chasm pink Zenith

Look at Julia. Being a bad influence and shit.

Well well, Under the Dome. Nice to see you finally find some outward momentum.

It only took us 7 episodes.

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Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 6 – TV Review

Under the Dome egg pink stars

We’ve waited so long.

Well, it was a nice break, but we’re back to the “random dome threat of the week” formula.

Luckily, it’s nothing the fish-brained, gullible people of Chester’s Mill can’t fix.

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Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 5 – TV Review

Under the Dome Phil Carolyn hostage knife

She did not leave the CW for this shit.

Phil might be a crummy sheriff, but will he have better luck as a knife-wielding villain?

No.

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The Host – Film Review

The Host Diane Kruger gun Seeker

If only, Diane.

We can at least be thankful that The Host isn’t going to be a zombie sequel spilling horror like Stephenie Meyers’ other effort.

That’s pretty much all we can be thankful for, though.

It’s a Stephenie Meyer movie. Duh.

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It’s Not Shit: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Perks of Being a Wallflower Nothing Hates U

Nope. Not even me.

WARNING: Extremely biased review incoming. If you’re only here to get your I Just Hate Everything fix (I can dream), then I implore you to ignore me wanking on about my “feelings” and skip down to Reasons to Hate. Otherwise, come walk through the fire with me.

So I think I better start off with a bit of sourness before I completely lose all my dignity.

I saw the trailer for this movie when I went to see Twishite: Breaking Bladders Part are-you-fucking-kidding-me-they-made-it-into-2-movies. And I was not convinced. It looked like another overindulgent teen movie that was all about how, like, high school is totes the most important time of our lives evar Lolz #yolo.

And yes, that element does creep through every now and then.

But The Perks of Being a Wallflower is the only movie this year, and definitely in a long time, that has actually made me feel something for longer than 5 minutes after watching it.

It’s been almost 24 hours, and I still can’t get it off my mind. And that’s an accomplishment. What, with all the porn and vidya games us kids have these days.

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