Tag Archive | lily

Once Upon a Time Season 7 Episode 22 – TV Review

OUaT Leaving Storybrooke Regina Robin

Well, to be fair, Regina is the one that got me. Bitch.

It’s finally over. And for all my venom and bluster against this show over the years, there will be no gravedancing like there was with PLL.

Sure, even right to the very end this episode is full of plot contrivances and last minute twists that come out of nowhere. But amid all that, Once Upon a Time, much like it has for almost its entire run, found the one true thing within it all:

Regina.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 10 – TV Review

TVD Hell Is Other People Damon attacks Bonnie

It’s her second best look. Next to her sexy scowl.

Bonnie’s pain is a tiny consolation prize to the rest of this pointless, sappy episode.

Maybe season 7 will pull a reverse season 5, and have its second half come in to save its so-far abysmal first?

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 8 – TV Review

TVD Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me Julian Sporty Baby Spice

Who knew that centuries’ old monogamist lesbians wouldn’t want their father figure’s penis in their bed, right?

It’s funny. As The Originals rises, The Vampire Diaries falls, and vice versa.

Season 5 of TVD was bland (after we lost Katherine, anyway), while season 1 of The Originals was a burst of fresh blood.

Season 6 of TVD gave us the holy, eternal Kai, while season 2 of The Originals stuck us with a no-stakes plot against the goddamn baby.

And now, as The Originals throws off the shackles of baby oppression and gets back to vampire business, so TVD sinks into mediocrity as every character somehow forgets how easy it is to stake or tear out a heart.

Let’s hope that mystery female assailant from the flash forwards turns out to be Katherine.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 7 – TV Review

TVD Mommie Dearest Scary Spice staked

Just kidding. We can’t kill the sympathetic black man until we get to hear his sob story, now, can we? But that would require him to talk…

No, instead of killing Scary Spice, or getting his obligatorily tragic backstory, we get Lily’s obligatorily tragic backstory.

About how Giuseppe Salvatore, her husband, and father to Damon and Stefan, was a turd.

Which we already knew.

But Lily desperately needed those Abused Wife points, huh?

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 6 – TV Review

TVD Best Served Cold Caroline pregnant

TVD is making Twilight feel quickly paced. Which is almost impossible to believe.

Yes, The Vampire Diaries is finally making the textbook teen soap opera play of having a pregnancy arc.

But sorry, Ginger. It’s not you.

It’s Caroline and Alaric, of course. Who else would it be?

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 5 – TV Review

TVD Live Through This Bonnie Damon drinking

But, sadly, Damon and Bonnie will not be paired up.

No, you legacy Bonnie/Damon shippers will have to settle for Mystic Falls’ newest WTF relationship (in the flash forward, anyway): Bonnie and Enzo.

Goddammit, Bonnie. We all know Enzo is destined to finally get all up in Caroline. Stefan clearly can’t hold onto a woman, so it’s inevitable.

Get your witch butt out of the way.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 4 – TV Review

TVD I Carry Your Heart With Me Halloween episode

Yes, please.

You know how we were starting to see that problem last week of the Heretics having their villainy eroded at breakneck speed?

Yeah, that isn’t stopping.

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