Tag Archive | julian

Bates Motel Season 4 Episode 7 – TV Review

Bates Motel There's No Place Like Home ending

A hovering blimp?

But don’t get your lube out just yet. That’s the closing shot of the episode.

No, we’ve got the fifth leg in our “how many episodes can Norman waste in Pineview?” marathon to complete first.

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Bates Motel Season 4 Episode 4 – TV Review

Bates Motel Lights of Winter Norman strip club screwdriver

A little hand-on-the-hip action never hurt anyone.

Well look at me, praising Bates Motel’s brave choice to break its status quo.

My cheers were too soon.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 13 – TV Review

TVD This Woman's Work Enzo tied up

It’s Enzo’s best look.

With Julian thankfully and finally dead, it’s time for a new villain to rise.

And that villain happens to be an Elena-resembling, sob story-having wuss.

The season of Kai this ain’t.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 12 – TV Review

TVD Postcards From The Edge Julian dead

Ciao, Julian.

And can you believe Stefan was the one to finally get the job done?

After being retconned out of his great love for Elena, being passed over for main character status in Elena’s wake (thanks, Damon), and losing his girlfriend to his (and her) old teacher in the flash forwards, who knew Stefan had any will left to do anything?

Respect.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 11 – TV Review

TVD Things We Lost In The Fire Elena burns

It turns out she was… fired.

So Damon’s hell isn’t over yet. It’s only just beginning.

Any sane person would be thrilled to see Elena turned to ash, but I guess Damon’s still a little wonky from the Phoenix Stone.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 10 – TV Review

TVD Hell Is Other People Damon attacks Bonnie

It’s her second best look. Next to her sexy scowl.

Bonnie’s pain is a tiny consolation prize to the rest of this pointless, sappy episode.

Maybe season 7 will pull a reverse season 5, and have its second half come in to save its so-far abysmal first?

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 9 – TV Review

TVD Cold as Ice Julian drunk

Julian has never experienced a good TVD.

Well, my smarmy assertion last week about TVD’s fall against The Originals’ rise seems to be holding true.

The Originals had a powerful, knockout episode this week.

And poor TVD had to dangle the deaths of its leading men in an attempt to force us to feel anything about this once great soap.

Yawn.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 8 – TV Review

TVD Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me Julian Sporty Baby Spice

Who knew that centuries’ old monogamist lesbians wouldn’t want their father figure’s penis in their bed, right?

It’s funny. As The Originals rises, The Vampire Diaries falls, and vice versa.

Season 5 of TVD was bland (after we lost Katherine, anyway), while season 1 of The Originals was a burst of fresh blood.

Season 6 of TVD gave us the holy, eternal Kai, while season 2 of The Originals stuck us with a no-stakes plot against the goddamn baby.

And now, as The Originals throws off the shackles of baby oppression and gets back to vampire business, so TVD sinks into mediocrity as every character somehow forgets how easy it is to stake or tear out a heart.

Let’s hope that mystery female assailant from the flash forwards turns out to be Katherine.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 6 – TV Review

TVD Best Served Cold Caroline pregnant

TVD is making Twilight feel quickly paced. Which is almost impossible to believe.

Yes, The Vampire Diaries is finally making the textbook teen soap opera play of having a pregnancy arc.

But sorry, Ginger. It’s not you.

It’s Caroline and Alaric, of course. Who else would it be?

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 5 – TV Review

TVD Live Through This Bonnie Damon drinking

But, sadly, Damon and Bonnie will not be paired up.

No, you legacy Bonnie/Damon shippers will have to settle for Mystic Falls’ newest WTF relationship (in the flash forward, anyway): Bonnie and Enzo.

Goddammit, Bonnie. We all know Enzo is destined to finally get all up in Caroline. Stefan clearly can’t hold onto a woman, so it’s inevitable.

Get your witch butt out of the way.

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