Tag Archive | johnny

Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 20 – TV Review

PLL Pretty Isn't The Point Mike crying

Shocking.

Really? The sixteen year-old little brother of one of the protagonists isn’t the homicidal, big bad wolf of the series?

That’s cuh-razy.

Who would have ever predicted that?

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Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 19 – TV Review

PLL Out, Damned Spot Mike torso abs

No wonder there’s so much paedophilia in Rosewood. All the twelve year-olds are shredded. Except Caleb.

Well, PLL is seriously pushing Mike as A/an A co-conspirator.

And we get more Johnny this episode.

Just what we wanted.

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Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 18 – TV Review

PLL Emily Talia

And a sexual harassment lawyer.

Holbrook isn’t A. Try not to look so surprised.

On the plus side, our suspect pool now includes Mike, who still looks like an angry twelve year-old.

And Johnny’s back and more alternative and ridiculous as ever. I thought digging through garbage to make paint was crazy, but oh no, he’s not done yet.

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Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 16 – TV Review

PLL Over A Barrel

Bring back Jason. Where’d he go?”

One episode after Ashley has the hottest hook-up of hers and the show’s life, her least hottest comes roaring back.

Don’t do it, Ashley. Think of your vagina. She’s had to put up with Ted for two and a half seasons.

Let her have something that doesn’t come with a plate-sized cookie.

Seriously, do Americans regularly eat cookies that size?

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Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 15 – TV Review

Pretty Little Liars Fresh Meat Jason Ashley kiss

I didn’t know this pairing was missing from my life, but I’m glad it’s here now.

Apart from this exceptionally hot hookup, little of value occurs this episode.

Which is the new PLL MO, you know.

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Fun Size – It’s Not Shit

Fun Size April scowl

Are you surprised I would like a vapid movie with a Disnelodeon star?

After a couple of close calls on the It’s Not Shit front, I thought it was time to finally give in and add to the collection (meta burn. Because The Collection was one of the close calls. Eat it, Dunstan and Melton).

And who would have thought it’d be a Victoria Justice, Nickelodeon, Halloween cash-in piece of garbage like Fun Size.

It’s a good thing I like garbage.

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TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 13

American Horror Story Jude Lange Angel Death kiss

Die happy, shippers.

It started out with a bang (literally), but American Horror Story: Asylum ended with a pathetic (yet not entirely vacant) whimper.

At what point does tying up loose ends outweigh action and narrative?

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Film Review: Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows Eva Green blonde hot

“Nope, I’m okay. It’s definitely not a rage stroke.”

So here’s the facts:

It’s a remake of a trashy, 60s soap opera that the target audience (Johnny Depp stalkers) won’t even know about.

Tim Burton is directing it.

Johnny Depp is the star.

Helena Bonham Carter gets a role she doesn’t deserve.

Chloe Moretz.

Vampires.

Why does this movie exist?

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Film Review: 21 Jump Street

21 Jump Street 2012 Jonah Hill Channing Tatum

Isn’t Channing, like, fucking 40? No? Just 32? Oh, that’s cool, then.

Let me start by admitting the only knowledge I had of the original show was that it was something for Johnny Depp to be embarrassed about from his early career.

Apparently nothing about his later career is embarrassing.

Because apparently Sweeney Todd, The Tourist, anything he’s done since meeting Tim Burton, they don’t exist.

Hmm.

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