Tag Archive | horror

The Final Girls – Film Review

The Final Girls finale lightning

Amazing Technicolor Battlefield, indeed.

I promised I’d post my review of The Final Girls back in my review for Scream Queens’ episode titled The Final Girls.

And, like I said then, this makes Scream Queens look like the utter jizz fart it is.

But is that much of an accomplishment. I mean, embarrassing Scream Queens is really easy.

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Poltergeist (2015) – CBF Review

Poltergeist Sam Rockwell Rosemarie DeWitt

“We’re getting paid for this, right?”

There isn’t a whole lot to say about this new Poltergeist. It’s an inferior, CGI-laden remake of a horror classic.

At least Rooney Mara isn’t here to stink up this one.

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Scream Queens Season 1 Episodes 1 and 2 – TV Review

Scream Queens pilot Abigail Breslin Keke Palmer

They must be watching Scream Queens.

I had my misgivings about this. I really did. Those first trailers looked like over-stylised, Dutch angle-fucked, substance-less trash.

But still, for some reason I can’t even pin down, I expected Scream Queens to be decent.

Didn’t I learn anything from Glee and seasons 3 and 4 of American Horror Story?

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Unfriended – Film Review

Unfriended movie

I wouldn’t want to own up to it, either.

Starring the girl who died first in Ouija, and presented in the same manner as Open Windows, comes a movie that raises the question: is a ghost serial killer more or less important than having a fight about infidelity with your high school boyfriend?

The answer won’t make you happy.

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Burying the Ex – Film Review

Burying the Ex Ashley Greene zombie face

And let’s not forget those Twilight movies.
If only we could.

So I wasn’t the biggest fan of Ashley Greene the last time I saw her (in The Apparition, if you hadn’t guessed).

And here she is sniffing around the horror genre, again. And she’s brought along Alexandra Daddario from the dreary Texas Chainsaw, and Anton Yelchin from the passable Odd Thomas.

By their kinda-horror powers combined, will this movie be any good?

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It Follows – It’s Not Shit

It Follows Jay chloroform scene

Relatively speaking.

It’s about time I featured another horror movie, my most beloved of genres, on It’s Not Shit. It’s been almost two years since the last one. And that one was nowhere near as gripping as It Follows.

Which is almost as gripping as a big, strong man holding you down while putting chloroform in your face before giving you a lecture on a hell demon he’s just given you via his penis.

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Scream Season 1 Episode 1 – TV Review

Scream Pilot Bella Thorne death

Oh, honey. No.

I reckon “Oh, honey. No” will be a recurring theme when it comes to MTV’s Scream television adaptation.

As I’ve mentioned a couple of times before, Scream is one of my Sacred Three: my favourite three movies of all time (Jurassic Park and Jawbreaker being the other two). I didn’t have high hopes for this version, and those hopes were not bolstered by the appalling (and, mercifully, cancelled) Eye Candy.

Well, Scream’s better than Eye Candy.

But not by much.

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