Tag Archive | Ginger

The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 8 – TV Review

TVD Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me Julian Sporty Baby Spice

Who knew that centuries’ old monogamist lesbians wouldn’t want their father figure’s penis in their bed, right?

It’s funny. As The Originals rises, The Vampire Diaries falls, and vice versa.

Season 5 of TVD was bland (after we lost Katherine, anyway), while season 1 of The Originals was a burst of fresh blood.

Season 6 of TVD gave us the holy, eternal Kai, while season 2 of The Originals stuck us with a no-stakes plot against the goddamn baby.

And now, as The Originals throws off the shackles of baby oppression and gets back to vampire business, so TVD sinks into mediocrity as every character somehow forgets how easy it is to stake or tear out a heart.

Let’s hope that mystery female assailant from the flash forwards turns out to be Katherine.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 7 – TV Review

TVD Mommie Dearest Scary Spice staked

Just kidding. We can’t kill the sympathetic black man until we get to hear his sob story, now, can we? But that would require him to talk…

No, instead of killing Scary Spice, or getting his obligatorily tragic backstory, we get Lily’s obligatorily tragic backstory.

About how Giuseppe Salvatore, her husband, and father to Damon and Stefan, was a turd.

Which we already knew.

But Lily desperately needed those Abused Wife points, huh?

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 5 – TV Review

TVD Live Through This Bonnie Damon drinking

But, sadly, Damon and Bonnie will not be paired up.

No, you legacy Bonnie/Damon shippers will have to settle for Mystic Falls’ newest WTF relationship (in the flash forward, anyway): Bonnie and Enzo.

Goddammit, Bonnie. We all know Enzo is destined to finally get all up in Caroline. Stefan clearly can’t hold onto a woman, so it’s inevitable.

Get your witch butt out of the way.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 4 – TV Review

TVD I Carry Your Heart With Me Halloween episode

Yes, please.

You know how we were starting to see that problem last week of the Heretics having their villainy eroded at breakneck speed?

Yeah, that isn’t stopping.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 3 – TV Review

TVD Age of Innocence Damon shirtless

“The Damon Hotness Parade” just doesn’t feel the same, you know?

And so it begins. Just like the worst parts of the Twilight movies, we must endure period flashbacks to the previous lives of the resident vampire family.

And we already did that (and are still doing that, dammit) with the Original vampires.

I told you the Heretics were just lousy knock-offs.

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The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 2 – TV Review

TVD Never Let Me Go Enzo Lily flirt

Lock down that dick now, Lily! Do what Caroline never could.

Enzo doesn’t want to be one of Lily’s Heretic children.

Because he wants to bang Lily.

Caroline really missed her window on this one.

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