After the phenomenal It Follows, I had high hopes for The Guest. It has a similar, 80s throwback style to it; director Adam Wingard’s previous film was the above-average slasher You’re Next; and Dan Stevens has ditched doughy Matthew Crawley and gotten cut as fuck.
Well, I suppose I deserve to be punished for my optimism.
It’s about time I featured another horror movie, my most beloved of genres, on It’s Not Shit. It’s been almost two years since the last one. And that one was nowhere near as gripping as It Follows.
Which is almost as gripping as a big, strong man holding you down while putting chloroform in your face before giving you a lecture on a hell demon he’s just given you via his penis.
Did Eddie Redmayne and Julianne Moore make a pact with the devil? That in order to win their Oscars, they would both have to star in abominable, fantasy action epics?
At least Jupiter Ascending tried to be ambitious. Human-on-Space-Dog-Person love almost could have made it, you know?
What has Seventh Son got? Accent soup?
Who knew that Once Upon a Time could lay claim to doing something better. Yeesh.