Tag Archive | film review

The Shallows – Film Review

The Shallows Blake Lively on a rock sinking

That’s not fair. What about Leighton Mees… or Penn Bad… or Ed Westw… or Jessica Szo… or Taylor Mo… or, well.
Chace Crawford got that shitty ABC show, though.

Who thought there’d be a day when I’d championing a Blake Lively project?

Praise be to Jaume Collet-Serra.

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Barely Lethal – Film Review

Barely Lethal Hailee Steinfeld guns akimbo

After seeing Barely Lethal, I think I would have risked the shooting.

I’ll concede that I never saw True Grit. But I did see Pitch Perfect 2. And I know that her obnoxious, dipshit character was obligatory in a sequel, but still. She was not good.

Barely Lethal doesn’t do anything to alter my opinion.

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Unfriended – Film Review

Unfriended movie

I wouldn’t want to own up to it, either.

Starring the girl who died first in Ouija, and presented in the same manner as Open Windows, comes a movie that raises the question: is a ghost serial killer more or less important than having a fight about infidelity with your high school boyfriend?

The answer won’t make you happy.

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The Guest – Film Review

The Guest Dan Stevens shirtless

He can be my guest any day.

After the phenomenal It Follows, I had high hopes for The Guest. It has a similar, 80s throwback style to it; director Adam Wingard’s previous film was the above-average slasher You’re Next; and Dan Stevens has ditched doughy Matthew Crawley and gotten cut as fuck.

Well, I suppose I deserve to be punished for my optimism.

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Burying the Ex – Film Review

Burying the Ex Ashley Greene zombie face

And let’s not forget those Twilight movies.
If only we could.

So I wasn’t the biggest fan of Ashley Greene the last time I saw her (in The Apparition, if you hadn’t guessed).

And here she is sniffing around the horror genre, again. And she’s brought along Alexandra Daddario from the dreary Texas Chainsaw, and Anton Yelchin from the passable Odd Thomas.

By their kinda-horror powers combined, will this movie be any good?

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The DUFF – Film Review

The DUFF Bianca ugly fat

Fucking disgusting.

I’m always on the lookout for the next great high school comedy. Because at heart, I’m a sixteen year-old girl.

After the kinda fizzle of GBF, The DUFF looked like the acronym I’d been praying for.

My prayers have been modestly answered.

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It Follows – It’s Not Shit

It Follows Jay chloroform scene

Relatively speaking.

It’s about time I featured another horror movie, my most beloved of genres, on It’s Not Shit. It’s been almost two years since the last one. And that one was nowhere near as gripping as It Follows.

Which is almost as gripping as a big, strong man holding you down while putting chloroform in your face before giving you a lecture on a hell demon he’s just given you via his penis.

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Seventh Son – Film Review

Seventh Son Julianne Moore

This is her “Fuck it, I’m an Academy Award winner” face.

Did Eddie Redmayne and Julianne Moore make a pact with the devil? That in order to win their Oscars, they would both have to star in abominable, fantasy action epics?

At least Jupiter Ascending tried to be ambitious. Human-on-Space-Dog-Person love almost could have made it, you know?

What has Seventh Son got? Accent soup?

Who knew that Once Upon a Time could lay claim to doing something better. Yeesh.

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Jurassic World – It’s Not Shit

Jurassic World ugly cry face

Dare to dream.

God, and I tried so hard to put a full year between It’s Not Shit posts.

I think I need to seek out better movies.

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Everly – Film Review

Everly Salma Hayek

Then it’s madness we shall have.

I would have given an action movie with Salma Hayek in the lead a watch in any case.

But when I found out that Joe Lynch, the director of the incredible Wrong Turn 2 (and no, not the other ones) was here, too, I was intrigued.

It’s a shame the story wasn’t on board.

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