Tag Archive | disney

Once Upon a Time Season 6 Episode 1 – TV Review

OUaT Savior Queenie yas queen

I only came here for her. And Sam Witwer’s hot face.

Do yourself a favour and just skip to the final forty seconds of this episode.

It takes Queenie that long to show up, but by God, her appearance more than redeems a plodding, mangled episode.

I fear to think what we would do without her.

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Once Upon a Time Season 4 Episode 4 – TV Review

Nah, just kidding. She chickens out and drops the sword about two seconds later.

The boring haircut is a dead give away every time.

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Frozen – Film Review

Frozen Elsa high magic

She is pretty high. Up.

I was pretty rough on Merida from Brave. Because that bratty dipshit deserved it.

Let’s hope these ladies can do better.

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Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Season 1 Episode 1 – TV Review

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Alice Cyrus boiling sea

“I’ve seen Star Trek. I know how this works.”

Another spinoff arrives.

You’re gonna have to bear with me, here, because I’m pretty weak on my Lewis Carroll knowledge.

But I do have access to Wikipedia, so there’s that.

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Spring Breakers – Film Review

Spring Breakers Ashley Benson I love penis

I don’t think they were paying much attention in school, anyway.

Ordinarily I try to not base ratings too heavily on my personal feelings.

Because, as a bitchy, terrible-as-a-human-being hipster, I don’t have that many (most of the time).

But fuck it, I’m rating this absolute piece of shit pretentious cunt of a movie down, baby.

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Film Review: Wreck-It Ralph

Wreck-It Ralph gay porn

Do you even 4chan, bro? They’re way ahead of you.

I’ve really gotta raise my standards for how impressed I am by CGI kids movies’ visuals.

First I was all over The Lorax’s fluffy trees.

And just last week I was pretty much wetting myself over Rise of The Guardians‘ 3D wanking.

And now I’ve got this, which easily outstrips both of those (while providing some sweet storytelling, too).

Oh, and I downloaded the Owl City credits song as soon as I got home. I have been indoctrinated.

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Film Review: Brave

Brave Merida walk strut ranga

#gingerpride

#nofriends

The only thing brave about Brave is Disney’s defiant decision to make a movie entirely to show off animated hair.

What is is this? An Xbox game?

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It’s Not Shit: Treasure Buddies

Treasure Buddies crate explosives

“And nobody gets blown up.”

I’m starting to notice a running theme with my picks for It’s Not Shit.

Well, I do love genre movies. And family movies are about as streamlined as they get.

Also, golden retriever puppies.

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