Tag Archive | Dark One

Once Upon a Time Season 7 Episode 18 – TV Review

OUaT The Guardian Gold Samdi gunpoint

Maybe next time he’ll actually pull the trigger, though.

My advice about shooting people was for Samdi, but if Gold wants to take it on board, then I can live with that.

What I can’t live with is more tedious, empty episodes of OUaT.

And yet somehow I’m not dead. Am I immortal? Or just hyperbolic?

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episode 11 – TV Review

OUaT Swan Song Regina Evil Queen Queenie

“And I know everything… about how to fucking slay!”

Okay okay, put down your disco balls and amyl nitrite. Queenie’s here only for about two seconds’ worth of fanservice.

No, what really matters is Emma’s love for Hook.

And Hook’s daddy issues.

What a great combination for an episode, right?

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episode 10 – TV Review

OUaT Broken Heart Hook Gold duel

Hook’s is ribbed for Emma’s pleasure.

Hoping Zelena and Arthur got up to more merry misadventures in Camelot before they were pulled into Storybrooke?

Too bad.

But at least we get to see Merlin die.

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episodes 8 and 9 – TV Review

OUaT Birth Snow choked

So it feels good? I don’t get the joke here.

Ah, the dreaded Once Upon a Time double episode.

I’m gonna need some long-forgotten character cameos to get through this one.

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episode 7 – TV Review

OUaT Nimue Emma forging Excalibur

Emma just wants to be cool.

It only took seven gruelling episodes (including the unspeakable arduousness of a Belle episode), but Excalibur is finally back in one piece.

But join us for a dull tale of love lost first, won’t you?

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episode 5 – TV Review

OUaT Dreamcatcher Regina fireball

So say we all.

Yes, after two consecutive Snow and David-focused episodes, it’s time to unleash the kind of episode that makes Once Upon a Time worth it.

Well, it’s not a Regina solo episode. So, the second best kind of Once Upon a Time episode, then.

A Regina and Emma episode.

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episode 3 – TV Review

OUaT Siege Perilous Humple

The body glitter will suit her, but I don’t know if she’ll be able to pull off those teeth.

Emma may waste the entire episode doing fucking nothing to get Excalibur out of its stone, but that girl knows how to close an episode.

By bringing Gold back to consciousness and reminding us of the reason any of us have stuck with Once Upon a Time into its fifth season.

Well, and Regina.

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episode 2 – TV Review

OUaT The Price Fury Guardians of the Galaxy

I was wondering when Disney would start bringing in their Marvel properties.

I want to trust that Once Upon a Time is self-aware enough to see how much this resembles Guardians of the Galaxy. But I’m not sure.

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 5 Episode 1 – TV Review

OUaT Merida Brave The Dark Swan

Talk about moving down in the world.

In other downgrade news, Emma is a poor substitute for Rumple when it comes to the Dark One.

But I think Once Upon a Time is aware of that.

Read More…

Once Upon a Time Season 4 Episodes 22 and 23 – TV Review

OUaT Operation Mongoose Henry tied up ogre

We were so close.

So Once Upon a Time is doing a double episode finale again.

I feel like Henry: strapped to a cart and struggling to be free.

Well, at least now I’ve got a couple of months off before Once Upon a Time returns for an exhausting season 5.

What Disney movies are out next year that it can sponge off of?

Read More…

%d bloggers like this: