Tag Archive | chloe

Carrie (2013) – Film Review

Carrie 2013 Chloe Moretz what went wrong

Everything, essentially.

Unlike Carrie White, I do have friends.

I know it’s hard to believe, so fuck you, here they are in action.

So if you feel like resting your ears on some Dirty Pillows, that’s the podcast for you.

And if you scour those episodes carefully, you might even hear your master’s voice.

That’s me, fyi.

Plug complete.

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CBF Review: Movie 43

Movie 43 Josh Duhamel

No matter how low your expectations, this will happen.

I don’t even want to give Movie 43 any time.

I know something this bad would be perfect for a review blog titled I Just Hate Everything, but this “movie” is just so empty and devoid of value that even I can’t be fucked talking about it.

Yes, it’s that bad. In case you were wondering.

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TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 6

American Horror Story Asylum little girl kill scissors

“OMG, mum! I can’t believe you don’t believe me! Maybe some scissors to the chest will help convince you.”

It’s flashback-palooza this week.

And, thankfully, flashforward. We finally get an update on the present day sitch at Briarcliff.

Also, homicidal little girl. Because that was one cliché American Horror Story was yet to cover. Obv.

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TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 4

Zachary Quinto’s character actually does something this episode! Yay!

That “something” is try to repress Sarah Paulson’s character’s homosexuality through demeaning genitalia fondling!

…yay?

There’s dick and balls involved. Of course, yay!

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TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 3

American Horror Story whore sexy legs spread

Ryan Murphy is just recycling poses now, isn’t he?

Tonight, someone dies…

Nah, I’m just kidding.

It’s only a Mexican, so it doesn’t count.

What? Blame the writers.

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TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 2

First episode was pretty awesome.

And now everything is slow and boring.

The American Horror Story writers have clearly been watching too much TVD.

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Film Review: Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows Eva Green blonde hot

“Nope, I’m okay. It’s definitely not a rage stroke.”

So here’s the facts:

It’s a remake of a trashy, 60s soap opera that the target audience (Johnny Depp stalkers) won’t even know about.

Tim Burton is directing it.

Johnny Depp is the star.

Helena Bonham Carter gets a role she doesn’t deserve.

Chloe Moretz.

Vampires.

Why does this movie exist?

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