Unlike Carrie White, I do have friends.
I know it’s hard to believe, so fuck you, here they are in action.
So if you feel like resting your ears on some Dirty Pillows, that’s the podcast for you.
And if you scour those episodes carefully, you might even hear your master’s voice.
That’s me, fyi.
I don’t even want to give Movie 43 any time.
I know something this bad would be perfect for a review blog titled I Just Hate Everything, but this “movie” is just so empty and devoid of value that even I can’t be fucked talking about it.
Yes, it’s that bad. In case you were wondering.
It’s flashback-palooza this week.
And, thankfully, flashforward. We finally get an update on the present day sitch at Briarcliff.
Also, homicidal little girl. Because that was one cliché American Horror Story was yet to cover. Obv.
Zachary Quinto’s character actually does something this episode! Yay!
That “something” is try to repress Sarah Paulson’s character’s homosexuality through demeaning genitalia fondling!
There’s dick and balls involved. Of course, yay!
So here’s the facts:
It’s a remake of a trashy, 60s soap opera that the target audience (Johnny Depp stalkers) won’t even know about.
Tim Burton is directing it.
Johnny Depp is the star.
Helena Bonham Carter gets a role she doesn’t deserve.
Why does this movie exist?