Dynasty Season 2 Episode 13 – TV Review

It’s a reliable look for them.
The drama is high this episode, darlings.
What a fucking closing run. Riverdale could never.
Dynasty Season 2 Episode 12 – TV Review
Dynasty Season 2 Episode 8 – TV Review
After last week’s sagging disappointment, I was about ready to start my Make Dynasty Gay (and fabulous) Again campaign.
Well, I’m pleased to report that a wedding dress fashion montage with hair pulling isn’t even the gayest thing about this episode.
Dynasty’s back, baby.
Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 16 – TV Review
Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 14 – TV Review
And the fact that Sydney is still here, and now part of some kind of revamped A Team (the AD Team, I suppose?), isn’t even the stupidest thing about this episode.
Alison being impregnated with Emily’s egg isn’t even the stupidest thing about this episode.
I don’t know if I can go six more rounds with PLL, you guys.
Bates Motel Season 5 Episode 1 – TV Review
Did you really think death would keep Norma down?
And now she doesn’t even have to pretend to be civil. Because homicidal alter-egos don’t have to keep up appearances.
She’s off the leash.
Once Upon a Time Season 6 Episode 9 – TV Review
Although, despite all the Belle bullshit, Queenie still manages to rock two new costumes and slay the house down all over the place.
She doesn’t kill Zelena, though. It’s not super surprising, but it is super disappointing.
The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 9 – TV Review
Well, my smarmy assertion last week about TVD’s fall against The Originals’ rise seems to be holding true.
The Originals had a powerful, knockout episode this week.
And poor TVD had to dangle the deaths of its leading men in an attempt to force us to feel anything about this once great soap.
Yawn.
The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 8 – TV Review

Who knew that centuries’ old monogamist lesbians wouldn’t want their father figure’s penis in their bed, right?
It’s funny. As The Originals rises, The Vampire Diaries falls, and vice versa.
Season 5 of TVD was bland (after we lost Katherine, anyway), while season 1 of The Originals was a burst of fresh blood.
Season 6 of TVD gave us the holy, eternal Kai, while season 2 of The Originals stuck us with a no-stakes plot against the goddamn baby.
And now, as The Originals throws off the shackles of baby oppression and gets back to vampire business, so TVD sinks into mediocrity as every character somehow forgets how easy it is to stake or tear out a heart.
Let’s hope that mystery female assailant from the flash forwards turns out to be Katherine.