Riverdale Season 4 Episode 5 – TV Review

Why waste your youth and hotness on this garbage dump of a show? Sigh.

I gotta tell ya, it was a close call this week as to whether I would finally throw in the Riverdale towel. With all the non-Betty subplots this episode sinking to shocking new lows, it was so tempting.

But let’s give it one more shot, eh? For Season 1’s sake.

Read More…

Dynasty Season 3 Episode 4 – TV Review

Just look at him!

Every time Liam says he’s going away, I die a little inside.

But I’m comforted by the fact that he never really means it. He’ll come back.

And I’ll come.

Read More…

Nancy Drew Season 1 Episode 4 – TV Review

Also, Nancy’s mum.

Is it too late to recast Nancy Drew with Shangela?

And also throw out the entire script. Just while we’re in there, you know?

Read More…

Riverdale Season 4 Episode 4 – TV Review

Her face says what we’re all thinking.

So this is week 2 of The Betty-only Report.

And with the other subplots this week being almost comically bad (what the fuck even was the point of Veronica’s?), I feel like things are going to stay this way for a while.

Unless I give in to the truth buried deep inside and just throw Riverdale in the bin. Fucking hell, I’m close.

Read More…

Dynasty Season 3 Episode 3 – TV Review

Adam can fuck me under, for all I care. Just so long as he fucks me.

I’m sensing a caption theme this week.

Also, I just want to say that I was almost going to suggest Kelly Rutherford would be the historical alliance president last week, but I hesitated because I thought it wouldn’t make much sense to bring her back if Steven isn’t here.

And it doesn’t. But goddamn, she is still a blast to have around.

Maybe we could bring Steven back, too, though? Just saying.

Read More…

Nancy Drew Season 1 Episode 3 – TV Review

Seriously, this place never has any customers. Who aren’t murder victims or ghosts, at least.

Imagine this sloppy mess of an episode being the one that airs the same week that it’s announced the show has gotten picked up for a full season.

Between this, Legacies, and dear God poor Riverdale, I have to wonder what the fuck is happening over at The CW.

Just keep Dynasty inside the protective salt circle, though, and I’m willing to endure it.

Read More…

Riverdale Season 4 Episode 3 – TV Review

It’d be rough, bitch.

About halfway through this episode I realised I’d finally fucking had it, and had decided I’d be throwing Riverdale into the Discontinued pile where it belongs (and, if we’re being honest with ourselves, has belonged for a long time).

But Betty, her radiant self, has brought me to a compromise: I’m only going to cover her from now on.

No more Archie and his gym/community centre bullshit. No more Veronica and her relentless, eye-rollingly ridiculous mafia crap. And now with Jughead at some arbitrary private (and apparently boarding?) school, no more of that shit, either.

Just Betty being the only character left on this show with a shred of empathy.

And Chad Michael Murray with his shirt mostly off. Let’s not forget about that.

Read More…

%d bloggers like this: