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Riverdale Season 3 Episode 5 – TV Review

Riverdale The Great Escape Archie bondage

Well, I am a dark queen.

Archie tied up and defenseless (and shirtless) is a good start to the episode.

Probably could have done without the forcible branding of tabletop RPG symbols onto him. Underground fight clubs were one thing, but burning inmates with hot metal pokers is too far, man.

Now the makeup department’s going to have to remember that for continuity every time Archie takes his shirt off. And that’s a lot.

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Riverdale Season 3 Episode 4 – TV Review

Riverdale The Midnight Club Fred Alice kiss

I think I might just have a 90s fashion fetish.

Get your nostalgia goggles on and prepare to be confused what decade you’re in, as we get the hotly awaited flashback episode where all our main teen cast portray their parents in the 90s, but the show kind of forgets and instead thinks it’s an 80s reference episode.

But the lewks are delish, so it’s okay.

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Riverdale Season 3 Episode 3 – TV Review

Riverdale As Above, So Below Alice Skeet ship

This one happens to be my personal favourite.

And amidst all the crazy cult theatrics and juvenile detention-based fight clubs in this episode, the thing I had the most difficulty believing was that Veronica’s speakeasy doesn’t serve alcohol.

So let me get this straight: it’s a bar, but it doesn’t serve alcohol, its staff and clientele are children, and by all observations it doesn’t have any alternate exits?

Veronica’s lucky she didn’t need to have any investors, because that would have been one gnarly pitch meeting.

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Riverdale Season 3 Episode 2 – TV Review

Riverdale Fortune and Men's Eyes Cheryl bra locker room

As is becoming tradition.

Riverdale may have dropped the ball when it came to absurd, over the top mafia drama last season.

But how do you feel about absurd, over the top prison drama, eh?

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Riverdale Season 3 Episode 1 – TV Review

Riverdale Labor Day Archie shirtless

When I said I wanted Season 3 to go back to basics, this is exactly what I meant.

Step aside, wannabe-Riverdale. The real, ab-flaunting deal has returned.

Also, levitating babies.

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Riverdale Season 2 Episode 22 – TV Review

Riverdale Brave New World Kevin Moose kiss

It’s a gay off.

Despite Kevin and Moose finally getting it together after all this time, this episode has nowhere near the sense of culmination that the Season 1 finale did.

Probably because Season 1 was a slight-to-moderately heightened teen soap opera, whereas Season 2 is this blood-drenched, gangland nonsense, serial killer pit of darkness.

Reel it in, Season 3. Reel it in.

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Riverdale Season 2 Episode 21 – TV Review

Riverdale Judgement Night The Killing of a Sacred Deer Cheryl archer

But, like, yeah. It is.

At multiple points in my notes for this episode I wrote “This episode is too fucking much.”

Which for Riverdale is exactly the right amount.

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