I’m basically taking a pass on this week’s episode.
Save for a last second reveal that I don’t care much about (and if we’re talking last second reveals, Riverdale ain’t got nothing on this week’s Dynasty), Betty’s only here to do legwork for Jughead’s stupid boarding school subplot.
Let’s get this shit on so we can go home.
The non-Betty subplots of this episode are so appallingly bad that I won’t even vaguely reference them this time.
It’s unfathomable to me how anyone who was involved in the production of the stellar first season of Riverdale could look at what it’s become and say they’re proud of it.
All hope is lost. The second Betty’s storyline hits a bump the road, I’m abandoning ship, y’all.
I gotta tell ya, it was a close call this week as to whether I would finally throw in the Riverdale towel. With all the non-Betty subplots this episode sinking to shocking new lows, it was so tempting.
But let’s give it one more shot, eh? For Season 1’s sake.
So this is week 2 of The Betty-only Report.
And with the other subplots this week being almost comically bad (what the fuck even was the point of Veronica’s?), I feel like things are going to stay this way for a while.
Unless I give in to the truth buried deep inside and just throw Riverdale in the bin. Fucking hell, I’m close.
About halfway through this episode I realised I’d finally fucking had it, and had decided I’d be throwing Riverdale into the Discontinued pile where it belongs (and, if we’re being honest with ourselves, has belonged for a long time).
But Betty, her radiant self, has brought me to a compromise: I’m only going to cover her from now on.
No more Archie and his gym/community centre bullshit. No more Veronica and her relentless, eye-rollingly ridiculous mafia crap. And now with Jughead at some arbitrary private (and apparently boarding?) school, no more of that shit, either.
Just Betty being the only character left on this show with a shred of empathy.
And Chad Michael Murray with his shirt mostly off. Let’s not forget about that.
Don’t let the gratuitous Mad Dog abs and lingering evil cult drama fool you: there is a tiny smidge of emotional character interactions, and some high school hijinks, hiding in this episode.
Riverdale may one day soon be its former, Season 1 self.
Don’t you want to believe?
At multiple points while watching this episode I had to pause to genuinely shout at how stupid and bad this show has become.
And while I would usually be the kind of person to play that old standard of “I’d rather be mad at something than apathetic at something” when it comes to bad entertainment, I don’t believe I’d use that on Riverdale.
At this point, I’ll take unambitious, tepid Riverdale over this overblown garbage if it means no more evil board games, mafiosos, gangs, cults, or hallucinatory candy drug scourges.
I’ve had enough, man.