The Shallows – Film Review

That’s not fair. What about Leighton Mees… or Penn Bad… or Ed Westw… or Jessica Szo… or Taylor Mo… or, well.
Chace Crawford got that shitty ABC show, though.
Who thought there’d be a day when I’d championing a Blake Lively project?
Praise be to Jaume Collet-Serra.
Poltergeist (2015) – CBF Review
There isn’t a whole lot to say about this new Poltergeist. It’s an inferior, CGI-laden remake of a horror classic.
At least Rooney Mara isn’t here to stink up this one.
Barely Lethal – Film Review
I’ll concede that I never saw True Grit. But I did see Pitch Perfect 2. And I know that her obnoxious, dipshit character was obligatory in a sequel, but still. She was not good.
Barely Lethal doesn’t do anything to alter my opinion.
Tiger House – Film Review
I didn’t want to spend the money to go see The Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials this week. So I thought I’d settle for a low profile, British thriller that happens to also star Kaya Scodelario.
I feel confident I made the better choice.
The Guest – Film Review
After the phenomenal It Follows, I had high hopes for The Guest. It has a similar, 80s throwback style to it; director Adam Wingard’s previous film was the above-average slasher You’re Next; and Dan Stevens has ditched doughy Matthew Crawley and gotten cut as fuck.
Well, I suppose I deserve to be punished for my optimism.
Open Windows – CBF Review
I only saw this movie for two reasons:
- I wanted to see if Elijah Wood could follow up Maniac, and become a bonafide Scream King;
- And I plan to finally get around to watching Unfriended soon, and thought this would be a warm-up/proof-of-concept for the exciting new subgenre of “all on the screen” horror movies.
I was disappointed in both departments.