Dynasty Season 3 Episode 18 – TV Review
It really speaks to how much I cared about this that this episode also includes Fallon singing and I didn’t give her the headlining spot.
Cristal 2.0 never could have pulled off this level of salaciousness.
Still miss OG Cristal, though. She could have adulterated with ten priests a day and wouldn’t have even broken a sweat. And worn a great hat while doing it.
TL;DR Cristal gets some D just as we get ready to wrap up Season 3; Fallon goes full soap scheme in an effort to win over some musicians for her wedding (unnecessarily, it turns out); Adam gets sexually harassed by his boss; Kirby and Sam repair their friendship; Jeff is feeling fine, and ready to get back out in the dating game, marriage be damned; Blake disappoints Cristal by not caring about this whole clinic thing.
Bitch, me too. The fuck.
We’ll get to Adam’s #MeToo in a moment. Instead, let’s start with step-mama Cristal and her guilt over her little kiss with Chaplain Wil Traval last week. Although they both acknowledge it was super hot (and it was!), they agree to put it behind them, with Cristal taking the extra step of wanting to tell Blake. A plan which happily falls off a cliff when he begins disappointing her with his continued absence from the clinic gala stuff, and compounded when she finds Laura’s earring in his office and she knows he cheated, too. His eleventh hour announcement to her that he’s leaving for Moldavia rather than attend the gala is the final straw, and she hops into bed (well, the floor in front of a fireplace) with Wil. Nice. Meanwhile, Blake is in a tizzy because it turns out Laura’s swift turnaround on the Carrington Atlantic deal is because of some crap in Moldavia that will actually cost CA millions, so he and Alan Dale need to jet off to go fix it. Meanwhile, Fallon goes full tilt into trying to find the perfect wedding gift for Liam, and she decides she’s going to convince his favourite band to perform at the wedding. They also happen to be booked for Cristal’s gala, so she gets an in, but sadly they don’t respond to dump trucks full of money. What they do respond to is charity cases and sisters of their sorority. So Fallon just pretends to be those things, and lies about her Greek roots, and that she is part of Cristal’s clinic thing. She almost gets away with it, too, but the damn band try to make her perform some sorority jingle thing on stage at the gala, which Fallon obviously doesn’t know. However, things take a delicious turn when one of the duo gets sick, and Fallon steps in to sing with the other one. Oh, and also it turns out that this band actually isn’t Liam’s favourite; they just have a similar name. Oh, well. But Fallon is inspired to elevate her perfect wedding gift idea. Because now she’s going to write and perform an original song for Liam. At the wedding. What a queen. Meanwhile, Fallon reconnects with Culhane during all this, and I’m reminded of how much more fun their relationship was before it got too OTP-y. They make much better jovial confidants than romantic endgames. But on the topic, Culhane does eventually open up to Fallon about Vanessa and Dominique’s deceptions, and Fallon immediately volunteers to help get revenge. Fuck. Yes. Meanwhile, Sam mopes about how Kirby still won’t forgive him. Dynasty pairs the spares and has him hang out with an up-and-at-’em Jeff for a bit. Jeff bumps into an old college flame, and now that he isn’t dying, he realises he wants more than just a sham marriage to Alexis. Sam also tries to improve his life, and does make a successful reconciliation with Kirby. Who herself spends this episode still boinking Adam (I had almost forgotten about that). Adam’s theft of the medication he used on Jeff becomes known to his sexually harassing boss, who offers to not fire him if she can fuck him. Interestingly, he continually refuses, accepting his fate. But lucky he gossed to Kirby about seeing Cristal and Wil kiss, because at the gala Kirby straight-up blackmails Cristal into overruling Doctor MeToo. Which she does. But poor Adam doesn’t get to bask in his happy episode ending, as things close out with him receiving a dramatic phone call: Blake and Alan Dale have been kidnapped.
In Moldavia! That’s where Victor Von Doom is from, yeah?
So this episode is a total hoot. There’s not a bung subplot in the bunch. No, not even Sam (Jeff, though? You were kinda pushing it).
And Fallon gets to sing. What more do you need?
Why I hate this episode:
There is an issue with no Liam, Alexis, any Devereaux/Colby women, or Alan Dale being in the episode. But sometimes you just don’t have the room, you know?
Jeff’s subplot is the closest to being a wash, but I enjoyed his flirtation with his old college girlfriend. And Dynasty does hang a lampshade on how bizarre his hanging out with Sam is.
Oh, and after being built up all episode, and a chunk of the Cristal/Blake drama hingeing on it, Cristal’s dance at the gala ends up kind of just fading out of focus. She just sways in the background with Wil Traval pre-sex. I wanted some choreo, dammit!
But it’s not all bad:
I would have literally cum if Dynasty had combined a Fallon singing scene with Cristal doing a choreographed, dancefloor-clearing performance. But I’ll take an excuse for Fallon to sing any day. After those snooty band bitches turned their noses up at her, here’s Miss Carrington herself out here to save your food poisoning-having asses. Slay.
Fallon’s whole scheme subplot is pure joy. Despite every obstacle her mounting web of lies puts in front of her, she never gives up and always believes she’s going to get through it. Which makes the eventual undoing, song performance, and then realisation that they were the wrong band all along such a blast. This is Fallon’s world, and every other character is just living it.
Thankfully, one of those characters is Culhane, and we get shades of their Season 1 relationship (sans limousine oral sex) as they play confidant to each other. This is the mode when down-to-earth Culhane works best; as a supporter and foil to Fallon’s ridiculousness. And I dare you to tell me you aren’t utterly living for her offering to help get revenge on Vanessa and Dominique. Oh. My. Jush.
A timely Oh My Jush also to Fallon’s decision to sing at the wedding. A Fallon singing scene, and at a wedding, and it’s her wedding? Yum.
Fallon gets the best line of the episode when she first meets with Culhane and explains her predicament: “I may have accidentally discovered Liam’s wedding gift to me. And by ‘accidentally’ I mean I was looking for it. I didn’t think I was gonna find it, but then I did and it’s beyond perfect and I can’t risk being outdone!” Priorities. Also, Liam’s gift to her is their original marriage certificate, which he held onto. Aww.
Onto other subplots, and snaps for Cristal, y’all. Got herself back into a decent subplot, and got some hot Chaplain dick along the way. She also wears yet another white outfit this episode. I think she truly has been possessed by the spirit of OG Cristal. Now, try not to die in a fire this time, huh?
Cristal and Fallon get to share a bit of camaraderie this episode which was refreshing to see. Although she’s being just her regular blowhard self, Fallon is right when she warns Cristal that the expensive necklace Blake gifts her this episode is likely an apology gift for something he’s done wrong. And later, after they’ve fought about Fallon trying to steal the gala, it’s Fallon who steps up to help Cristal out when one of the band comes down with food poisoning. Feminism: it works.
It’s not all female character benevolence this episode, though, as we see with Adam’s subplot. Part of me is a little disappointed that Dynasty was so blasè about portraying Doctor MeToo, but given Adam is mostly a villain, and that she never takes things to a physical level, it’s not too distasteful. And it is handily saved by Kirby coming in hot with her blackmailing of Cristal. Good thing Adam gossiped to her.
After Sam and Kirby’s relationship is repaired late in the episode, she also totally gossips it to him, too. And she even chooses to hang out with Sam rather than be booty called by Adam. Kirby is just a pretty cool Aussie. Sometimes.
Fallon slips in with the second best line of the episode in a blink-and-miss it interaction with Kirby at the gala: “Wow. Nice dress. Back in my closet before midnight, Cinderella.” That’s what we like to call a drive-by Fallon zinger.
The dress is very nice on Kirby.
Oh, and of course I’m going to include a shot of Fallon singing.