Dynasty Season 3 Episode 16 – TV Review

Now, imagine it in green.
Oh, baby.

I think it’s the hair, you know? It’s just so smooth and sawft.

Oh, the episode is also fabulous. In case you were interested.

TL;DR Fallon and Liam’s fight for Li’l Liam ends abruptly when it’s revealed he’s actually Liam’s brother; Blake isn’t there for Cristal with some hospital clinic shit; but she does flirt with a yummy chaplain; Alexis and Adam try to steal a liver for Jeff, but it looks like Adam’s gonna have to risk donating his own; Sam’s watch-stealing friend is back in town and causes drama at a hotel party; where Kirby now works.

I told you. We can’t afford any new sets.

So get ready to jush as hard as I did, because Fallon and Liam are back in the scheme game. The fight is on this episode to prove that Baby Mama is unfit so Liam can stay in touch with his son. Fallon calls on Blake’s bad side to help, which he does happily, despite having promised Cristal he’d be a better man these days. Sadly for Fallon, Baby Mama turns up squeaky clean after all. So she and Blake just arrange for a put-her-behind-the-wheel-of-a-falsely-stolen-car gambit (a rich people soap antics classic). The first of three earnest gasps from me came when Liam reveals he helped (but he’s so nice!). Baby Mama isn’t content to let him have all the gasps, though, as she reveals that Li’l Liam is actually his brother (second gasp) because she banged Liam’s dad back in the day (third gasp). And Scummy Mummy Laura Van Kirk knew all about it the whole time. Jush. This sends Liam raging at his mum and uninviting her to the wedding, with Fallon gloating all the while. But I don’t know how long that will last, as Laura comes calling on Blake to close out the episode with an offer to block Jeff’s purchase of Carrington Atlantic, and a sale to Blake instead, if he can sabotage Fallon and Liam. I’m already wet. Meanwhile, Blake embracing his bad side is no fun for Cristal, who is on a mission to win over a hospital chaplain so she and Blake can dedicate a clinic to veterans or whatever. In addition to Blake leaving her high and dry while he gallivants around with Fallon, Cristal further trips on herself when she insults a beefy gym rat at the hospital, who turns out to be the young, hot chaplain. Luckily he’s down for a flirt with her, and ends up on her side. And soon in her bed? Meanwhile, Jeff turns out to have begun liver failure as a side effect of those experimental drugs Alexis and Adam dosed him with last episode. They come clean to Jeff, and he lets them know that if he dies, Adam’s confession will go public. So naturally Alexis and Adam try to steal the dead body of the only viable donor in the hospital. This fails, though, and Adam is forced to be the donor (he’s the only family member of Jeff’s who turns out to be a match. Remember that they’re related? Oh, Dynasty), with the caveat being that he’d already donated part of his liver to his adoptive/kidnapping mother before, and a second donation could kill him. Drama! Over in Keep The Minor Characters Busy Land, Sam bemoans how popular La Mirage has become since being featured in House of Devereaux. Kirby puts up her hand to join his party planning staff or something, with her first gig being to host an Atlantix party. Luckily she and Culhane are very mature working together, but unluckily that friend of Sam’s from Season 1, Ramy, who went to jail for stealing Blake’s watches is back in town and guilts Sam into letting him crash at the hotel. He then immediately steals a watch from an important guest. Naturally. Sam gets it back and smooths things over, with Ramy claiming he won’t do it again. But then he immediately steals some of Sam’s hotel owner keys. Oh, and no Devereaux/Colby women in sight this week.

I mean, I don’t mind taking the odd break from Dominique or Vanessa. But where the fuck is Monica?

So although this episode is not quite at the heights of fabulosity as episodes earlier in the season, it’s certainly a step up on the relative snoozer that was last week.

And never did I expect Liam’s baby mama drama to end like this! What a way to serve us the gasps, while also doing away with the potential plot tumor of an unnecessary child character. Nice.

 

Why I hate this episode:

It’s a shame I otherwise like Culhane, Sam, and Kirby so much. Because at this point they’re basically plot tumors, too. Is anything going on with them really valuable at all? It’s like all three of them are the Nate of Gossip Girl.

I similarly don’t care about Cristal’s hospital clinic crap. If it weren’t for the cheeky priest angle, I’d be already be done with it.

Where the fuck is Monica?

Oh, and is anyone else kind of bummed that Alexis and Adam didn’t get to properly steal that body?

 

But it’s not all bad:

This scene, even against the gasp train over in Fallon/Liam’s subplot, might have been my favourite of the episode. After unsuccessfully convincing the widow of the patient to donate organs, Alexis and Adam resolve to simply steal it right after he dies. Adam tries to take the body before the orderly comes to collect it, with Alexis having to create a diversion when things get tight. In some nice subplot synergy, the chaplain from Cristal’s subplot is in the scene early as he escorts the widow away for counselling. And then Cristal herself shows up to be an obstacle for Adam that he has to try to escape. After it’s all over, they unfortunately run out of time and the orderly takes the body away. But what a great little condensed caper scene. Everything’s better with body snatching!

Of course, Dynasty wouldn’t have just blithely mentioned earlier in the episode that Adam was the only donor match for Jeff if they weren’t going to use it, and he bravely decides to risk death. Which is only sensible, as if he doesn’t then Jeff will surely die and his taped confession will be released. Alexis shows genuine concern for Adam, and I’m not sure if I’m on board for her being so generous to the son who literally burned her face off. But at least they’re having fun, hey?

But enough of that, let’s get to gasp town with the ever unscrupulous Fallon, and her surprising accomplice Liam. I know he’s been down to clown with schemes of hers in the past, but I was honestly shocked when he basically took off his mask to reveal he was scheming the whole time. That’s cruel, Liam. Only makes you hotter.

Baby Mama’s clap back is one for the ages as she reveals that Li’l Liam is actually his brother because she had sex with Liam’s dad back when she was in high school. I can only assume that he, too, was a very hot man. So good on ya, babe. Thankfully this does defuse the situation entirely, and Liam warmly embraces his baby brother as he and Baby Mama depart on good terms. Aww.

Not on good terms is Liam with Scummy Mummy Laura. I’m not sure how this stacks up to her faking cancer, but it’s bad enough that Liam shuns her from the wedding in a rage. Things are made all the sweeter as Fallon openly and broadly gloats to her fucking face.

But with Blake now on the case, and Carrington Atlantic at stake, Fallon better watch herself. Blake just this episode demonstrates how good he can be at being bad.

I did love him posing as a valet. Not afraid to get his hands dirty.

Poor Cristal loses out because of it, though, and it kind of sucked watching her flounder with such a trivial pursuit. Her subplot is saved by Wil Traval showing up as the hot chaplain.

Cristal wears this chic, white outfit on her first trip to the hospital, and it was very much giving me OG Cristal vibes. I guess after all this time with the show struggling to get a style down for these newer Cristals, I’d accept a regression to OG’s look. Because it was a damn good look.

The goings on at La Mirage are inconsequential, but I do respect the reverence for Season 1 here, too, with the return of Ramy. I never expected that. You got me, Dynasty.

I enjoyed Kirby and Culhane being professional with each other. Their congeniality also stokes my fires for Kirby to end up in a love triangle with him and Vanessa. Come on!

Slightly less congenial is Sam’s treatment of Kirby. After he recovers the stolen watch from Ramy, he gives it back to Culhane who easily clues in to what happened. But Sam instead doesn’t tell Kirby the truth, and allows her to feel shitty for accusing Ramy of the theft in the first place. Rude. But no matter, as with Ramy also stealing Sam’s important hotel keys, I’m confident that Sam will get his comeuppance.

Fallon gets the best line of the episode when she goes to Blake for help with destroying Baby Mama: “I need your help to do something dark and borderline illegal that no one can find out about.” It really just comes naturally to her.

As part of Fallon and Blake’s scheming, the episode calls out a couple of times how Blake has experience discrediting mothers unjustly, like he did with Alexis. The episode circles back to it one last time late in the episode where Fallon asks him what dirt he had on Alexis back in the day, and he refuses to tell her. But the tone of the scene, and the fact we’re revisiting this after so long, makes me think this isn’t over. Juicy.

Fallon and Liam decide to move home to the manor.

Oh, and I couldn’t find any other way to work it organically into this post, but the image of Liam looking like a basic bro playing video games while still keeping up his facade of being surprised by the car incident is just so delicious.

This is Thin Privilege.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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