Dynasty Season 3 Episode 15 – TV Review

I know 2020 is trash, but let’s not let that infect Dynasty, too.

This is not the kind of milquetoast, late-season Gossip Girl filler grade soap opera we need right now, CW.

On the positive side, though, there is croissant throwing in the first scene.

TL;DR Fallon and Liam get their parental hands dirty; Cristal is forced to admit to Blake that she tried to whack Alexis; Alexis’ attempts to get Jeff medicated have dire consequences; Culhane and Vanessa get into this annoying will-they-or-won’t-they rhythm; Dominique gets her reality show off the ground.

With croissant throwing.

So we’ll start with the House of Devereaux this week, as their little reality show subplot actually manages to be a bit of fun. Despite Dominique being the best Real Housewife, the producers actually want Culhane on the show to keep mining that sex tape drama. Vanessa convinces him to do it only for a little while, and he agrees. But along the way, he starts to think that maybe their relationship might have legs yet. But psych, it turns out Vanessa’s little “it’s not just the show; I actually do have feelings for you still” situation is indeed just for the show, and she and Dominique toast to their scheme’s success at the end of the episode. It also helps that Culhane happened to be around to save Li’l Liam from drowning. But how did Li’l Liam end up falling into an icy lake, you’re asking? Well, Fallon and Liam’s episode revolves around taking care of the tyke while Baby Mama is in the wind. Liam leaves to find her while Fallon is tasked with babysitting the kid, and not letting it slip that his mum ran off. She is, as is Fallon’s trademark, impressively game, but ends up letting the truth out, leading to Li’l Liam tantruming up a tree. Fallon and Liam end up having a heart to heart with him, but then he falls into the lake and Culhane saves him and Vanessa films it to send to Atlantix sponsors to convince them not to abandon Culhane so then Culhane is impressed with Vanessa and accepts the rekindling of their relationship. You know, just an average Saturday for the people of Dynasty. Meanwhile, Cristal tries to sneak Beto back to Mexico to avoid suspicion for the bombing. Blake ends up stumbling onto the truth, and Cristal is forced to admit she tried to assassinate Alexis. Blake admonishes her emotions, which makes Cristal start seeing some of her douchebag father in him. She also wants to return to her old job in the medical field to try to do something good in the world. Oh, and speaking of the medical field, Alexis blackmails Adam into stealing some experimental drugs for Jeff’s condition, because Mr Colby has decided he’s going to go the wholistic route instead. Alexis isn’t here for that new age shit, and doses up Jeff’s seltzer at Vanessa’s single release party. She didn’t expect him to go get on the piss, though, and the episode closes out as complications from the alcohol cause Jeff to collapse.

I do like a good cliffhanger collapse. Very soap.

So yeah, bit of a dull one this week. It doesn’t even feel very purposeful, like a typical place-setting episode. Just a bunch of so-so stuff.

Is anyone really invested in Culhane and Vanessa’s relationship? He was way better (and hotter) with Kirby.

 

Why I hate this episode:

I don’t think the show even knows what it wants to do with this relationship. Vanessa keeps flip flopping on whether she genuinely likes Culhane, to instead seeming to be happy to exploit him for the show, and back and forth. Make up your mind, sis. Or get the fuck outta here so we can have Monica back (are we allowed only one Colby sister at a time? Who made up that rule?).

Dynasty also seems to only remember that Jeff has a horrifying neurological condition when it’s convenient to the plot that week. Either kill him off or miraculously cure it, already. There’s no tension because I don’t think Dynasty has the conviction to go all in on any storyline about him truly being sick.

And I’m tired of Alexis’ subplots being tied to him. We need to get her back and catfighting (or scheme-fighting. Ooh) with Cristal. Pronto.

Speaking of poor Cristal, I’m disappointed that her revelation of her assassination attempt to Blake was kind of, like, whatever. I need more drama, mama. And Beto is gone with very little fanfare. I’m sick of this erasure of his meaty thighs.

Oh, and as much as I love Carrington Manor, it was not the right place for Vanessa’s single release party. But budgets do what budgets gotta do, hey.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Blake is a delicious drama queen when he comes home to it by surprise following Cristal’s assassination revelation and he immediately tells everyone to GTFO. Yes, daddy. Order me around.

Props, too, to Cristal for having the balls to come clean to Blake about the bombing so quickly. At least Dynasty didn’t try to drag that out. Although, it could have meant Beto being around more…

And Sam is in need of a love interest. Sam is actually a lot of fun this episode as he obnoxiously tries to commandeer as much screentime as he can get on the reality show. With Fletcher apparently now a thing of the past, wouldn’t it have been time to team Sam with Beto? Maybe there’s still hope.

Outside of the show-within-a-show, Fallon is the true scene stealer. As always. I will always admire her unwavering willingness to get shit done, as she warily but brashly dives headfirst into stepmothering Li’l Liam. Fallon might not like doing some things, but bitch, she will do them.

Also a pretty good pull for Dynasty to acknowledge Fallon’s own maternal abandonment past when connecting with Li’l Liam. Respect that Season 1 angst, baby.

And what a total boss move when Baby Mama shows up at the end to pick up her son, and Fallon is like “nah cunt we fightin’ for this love now, honey.” Using her overcompetitiveness for good, instead of evil.

Dominique tries to emulate Fallon’s boss-ness by wearing Miss Carrington’s signature power colour, green, to the single release party. It’s a lovely dress and points for effort, but Fallon in green just can’t be beat.

Dominique continues to do an excellent job as a haughty, unscrupulous bitch goddess. So thank you for that, D. Picking up the slack being dropped everywhere by Cristal and Alexis.

Vanessa is much more touchy feely, but if she could goddamn make her mind up about Culhane, I suppose I’d be interested to see where their relationship goes. Hopefully directly into a love triangle with Kirby.

Adam doesn’t get to do much, but he is a good little gopher for Alexis’ drug scheme. I am always on board for a benevolent drink-spiking.

Best line of the episode goes to Fallon when she stumbles upon Vanessa and Culhane filming the reality show: “Oh, god. Please don’t tell me this is some kind of sex tape sequel.” Bonus points for Li’l Liam being with her for it.

Vanessa throws a croissant at Dominique.

Oh, and Alexis’ outfit for the single release party is this flawless tight leopard print boob tube dress with slicked back hair that literally made me gasp when I saw it. Nicolette’s Alexis would have never worn anything like this, so I’m proud of Dynasty for finally trying to give Elaine a look of her own.

Alexis is always ready.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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