Dynasty Season 3 Episode 13 – TV Review

Pictured: me after watching this week’s Dynasty.

Honestly, gays, do we even need Drag Race to come back when Dynasty is giving us this level of camp?

My jush juices never stopped flowing this whole forty minutes.

TL;DR Fallon and Liam get engaged; but not before an epic noir fantasy sequence; Dominique sets her sights on being a reality star, no matter how reluctant Cristal is; Cristal sets her sights on paying her damn assassin; Fletcher momentarily slithers back into Sam’s life; Adam and Kirby continue their dalliance, but keep things casual; Liam’s son shows up.

Oh. Son. Dieu.

So baby, we’re starting with Fallon and Liam, because this is their show this episode. Fallon kicks things off by trying to set up (another) proposal to Liam, but things take a frustrating turn when he interrupts things with news of a surprise book pitch opportunity, and he’ll need to fly to London. At Sam’s urging, Fallon decides to tag along and commandeer the trip to propose, but Liam continues to interrupt by monopolising their flight by pitching her his book (oh, we’ll get to that in a minute). Fed up, Fallon complains that the story he’s told is bad and needs a lot more work if a publisher will ever buy it, and they fight. But psych for the ages: Liam actually put this whole thing together as a ruse to propose before Fallon could, and they say their “I will”s. My blackened heart sung, mawma. And then they get back to Atlanta and Liam’s ex shows up with his son. Fuck. Meanwhile, Dominique’s new plan for fame and fortune is to pitch (a lot of pitching this episode) a reality show set in Carrington Manor, now that she’s a resident. Her producer friend is only interested if she can get Cristal on board, leading to Dominique fumbling an effort to get to know her (thanks to a sabotaging Alan Dale. Nice). But Dominique ends up with something more valuable than friendship: in her stalking efforts, she ends up seeing Cristal meeting with a man at a hotel. Little does she know it’s far more scandalous than just some tawdry affair. He’s an assassin, ma’am. Meanwhile, Adam goes to Jeff and Alexis for some quick cash he needs to bribe the medical authorities into keeping his doctor’s licence or something, as Blake is no longer paying that for him. Jeff obviously turns him down, despite Alexis’ protestations, so Adam instead decides to sell the replacement vineyard he bought for Blake. But he needs the deed, which is in Blake’s office. Luckily, Kirby is the one who catches him sneaking around, and they have office sex and she is unconcerned with his scheming. She’s a pretty chill chick. She’s not so chill, however, with Sam’s willingness to get back on board with Fletcher, who is now claiming he and his husband have an open marriage. Sam puts his worries aside under the assumption Fletcher will eventually leave his husband for him, but Kirby has a sit-down with Fletcher and demands he do the right thing. Which ends up being dumping Sam. Oof.

Oh, and over in Liam’s book pitch, we get a brief and trope-tacular little detective noir fantasy, as Liam plays the part of a private investigator looking into a jewel heist. Alan Dale is the client, whose nightclub was the scene of the crime; Alexis is his adulterous wife; Blake is the wife’s lover and employee of Alan Dale; Jeff and Sam are gangsters for the club; Dominique is the bartender; Cristal is a club patron; Culhane is the pianist; Fallon is the femme fatale lounge singer; and Adam is the hapless busboy whom the lounge singer claims is her brother, but turns out to be her lover and patsy (and fan of drag!). In the end, the private detective figures things out and gets the jewel back (a diamond named Kirby), and the overall crumminess of the plot is explained away by Liam’s admission that it was just some trash he threw together to annoy Fallon into postponing her proposal.

Fallon says it’s so rude. But it’s also so hot.

To be fair, I am starting to question myself over the fact that in a CW show with Sam and Fletcher’s gay and not-obscured-by-shadows romance, I’m far more invested in the cis, white, hetero milquetoast fest that is Fallon and Liam.

But dammit, they’re so attractive and good for each other. Let’s let the hetties have this one, okay? I’ll vouch for them.


Why I hate this episode:

Sam and Fletcher are also attractive. They’re just not good for each other. Here’s hoping Dynasty actually retains that information this time, lest Fletcher randomly turn up again in a couple of episodes.

Oh, and that’s it. That’s the negatives. That’s all.


But it’s not all bad:

Oh, sis. It’s not all bad. It’s goddamn all good. What a fucking episode. What a show.

Let’s start with the fact I legitimately cried happy tears during the proposal scene. Fallon and Liam are just such a good match for each other. 2020 may be an apocalyptic hellscape so far, but Dynasty is singlehandedly turning things around. It’s what keeps me going each week. Truly. And the Fallon and Liam romance is a big part of that.

You’d think I’d be pissed that Miss Baby Mama turned up to dampen things at the end of this episode, but I’m not. I’m glad that promise from over half a season ago is finally being kept. And as heartbreaking as I anticipate the drama around it to be, I can’t help but admire Dynasty for so intensely building my investment in the relationship. Bring it on.

Still on the subject of romance, I’m finding myself less averse to the Adam and Kirby pairing this week. Probably because Adam hasn’t done anything psychopathic for a little while, I suppose. But it was such a cool little moment where, after Adam thinks he’s successfully distracted Kirby with sex in Blake’s office, she then forces him to reveal he came to steal the vineyard deed, and she’s just like “lol, you could have just asked me to do it.” Work, bitch. Keeping things breezy. Hey, with Culhane also in fun mode lately, maybe it’s time to give that a go, again? You two were such a hot pairing.

Not so fun is Sam and Fletcher’s doomed affair, with Sam willing to lap up Fletcher’s story about his open marriage (the husband’s idea, apparently, and not Fletcher’s) in the hope that he’ll leave his husband eventually. Kirby is maybe a little overzealous in her approach to demand Fletcher make a choice, leading to Fletcher cutting Sam loose (obvi), but I respect her good intentions. Let’s see if Sam feels the same way when he finds out.

Speaking of Sam, he reveals at the end of the episode that he helped Liam’s proposal scheme by encouraging Fallon to join Liam for his trip, as she originally wasn’t going to. The friendship Dynasty has tried to subtly build between Fallon and Sam post-Steven has at times felt a little forced, but sometimes they absolutely nail it.

Like in another small moment this week where Sam asks Fallon for date fashion advice while she talks over him about the proposal. She ends up seemingly demonstrating that she hadn’t heard a word he said, but then reveals that she was listening and gives him a quick and decisive answer. It was sweet.

Still on the subject of small moments, did anyone else get the weird flirtatious vibe between Dominique and Alan Dale when she was asking him for advice on wining and dining Cristal? And did anyone else like it as much as I did? Let’s get weird, guys.

Dominique continues to play to her goofy strengths with her reality show quest this episode. And although the footage she ends up with won’t get her a TV deal, it will get Cristal in a lot of trouble with Blake.

Which could unravel Cristal’s hitman plans on Alexis. I mean, I don’t want to see Alexis killed. But I also don’t want to see the hitman foiled before he can give it a go, you know?

Fallon breaks out a knockout lewk for the first time in a long time, with this puffy sleeved, white top and black leather skirt, midriff-baring combo. It’s very Season 1 Alexis, and I’m living for this mother/daughter fashion continuity.

Alexis also gets a bit of a lewk on this episode with some fabulously simple straightened hair that really works for her.

There is so much to love about the detective noir fantasy sequence that if I wanted to list it all, I’d basically need to spend another whole post describing pretty much every moment of it. But I will say that Detective Liam snatching Adam-in-drag’s wig was a moment for the ages. And there are a bunch of fourth wall-straddling callbacks to things that have happened on Dynasty, my favourite being, of course, Club Patron Cristal’s mention of not having an alibi for the jewel heist because nobody ever recognises her face.

Best line of the episode goes to Detective Liam and Lounge Singer Fallon as they argue it out in the finale:
Detective Liam: “I saw the look on his face when you gave him the ol’ see you later. I’d recognise that look anywhere. It’s the look I saw on my face when you gave me the ol’ see you later.”
Lounge Singer Fallon: “Well that makes no sense. You can’t see your own face.”
Detective Liam: “I’m assuming that’s how I looked, okay!”
Fallon’s haughtiness knows no bounds of reality, or fantasy.

Oh, and Fallon gets to sing, natch. And looks goddamn ethereal doing it.

Jessica Rabbit who?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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