Dynasty Season 3 Episode 10 – TV Review

Although, to be fair, it doesn’t really take much to be better than Riverdale these days.

I’ve gotta say, I was getting my absolute life this episode. I wrote the phrase “Fuck, I love Dynasty” in my notes more than once.

Even dear Cristal got to shine this episode.

Dynasty is my one shining light against the apocalypse that is 2020 so far.

TL;DR Cristal figures out it was Alexis who killed Mark and her baby; catfighting ensues; Fallon and Adam rescue Kirby from a cult; Blake rehabs his image now that this pesky murder trial is behind him; Culhane calls in Sam and Fletcher for help schmoozing some business deal; Jeff’s neurological condition worsens; Fallon leaves home.

Dramatically. In a beret.

So snaps for Cristal finally, as we’re starting with her this week. While doing some soul searching on the estate grounds, she happens to find a bullet casing near where the shooting happened. Blake is dismissive of her suspicions because he’s too busy with planning a yacht party, but Cristal is undeterred, and soon puts the pieces together that Alexis’ story doesn’t add up. Alexis is alerted to the situation by a cameoing White Driver, but Cristal catches her trying to slink out of the gun cellar with the incriminating pistol, leading to an epic catfight in a pond, and Alexis admitting that she did indeed shoot Mark, but that Cristal is essentially stuck from turning Alexis in lest the truth about Blake murdering Mac come out. Cristal and Blake end the episode contemplating the fact they killed an innocent man. Heavy. Meanwhile, Blake otherwise spends his episode trying to get back into some exclusive yacht club, greasing the wheels with a little blackmail against one of the guys in charge. It’s a fun enough diversion. Meanwhile, over in more meaty plot land, Alan Dale calls on Fallon to help talk some sense into Kirby. She’s been staying with her BAWG boyfriend, who turns out to be a little cult leader-ish, and Kirby has sold Femperial to give her money to him. The only way into the compound is to infiltrate a job interview for an on-site doctor, so Fallon brings in Adam on the promise she’ll put in a good word to Blake if he helps. Our brother and sister duo embark on a caper for the ages posing as a doctor/nurse combo, and later husband/wife to keep up the ruse (it’s always a little incest-y when Adam’s around), culminating in a bizarre and very much welcome musical sequence at some kind of promotion ceremony for Kirby. The veil eventually drops and they’re expelled, but Fallon later sneaks back in to apologise to Kirby for assuming she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Thankfully, after Fallon and Adam are already on their way home, Kirby sees the light and decides to come back home. But it turns out Fallon is done with Carrington Manor as her home, and righteously leaves her murderous father behind in the hopes of improving herself. Kind of makes me nostalgic for Steven. But you know who isn’t nostalgic for Steven? Sam, who ropes in Fletcher to help Culhane with some Atlantix business crap. They need to find an investor to pay for the stadium’s naming rights, and Sam helps get the business people partying when Culhane’s dry approach doesn’t work. Sadly, it turns out the candidates are just along for the ride for the free booze and swag, and Culhane tears into them for being dismissive of the community where the stadium is being built. A leaked recording of this tirade later (all planned and executed by Culhane and Sam), and things turn out great for Culhane, and for Sam and Fletcher, who were also using this as a date. Oh, and over in super minor subplot territory (but I have a feeling this one’s going to brew big soon), Jeff’s brain problems continue, and he gives over his Atlantix shares to Culhane, making Culhane by far the majority owner.

And you know what? Liam isn’t even in this episode, and I didn’t mind, bitch. It’s that good.

I’m even tired of me saying it at this point, but goddamn, I don’t know what we did to deserve Dynasty. After the embarrassing collapse of the TVD-verse, the bland bloat of the Arrow-verse, and the truly logic-defying implosion of Riverdale, how did this primetime soap remake with no budget (and no viewers. Those numbers are dreadful!) get to be this fucking good?

Hell, if it means Dynasty keeps ascending the way it has, I’d say bring on more shitty Schwartz/Savage properties. Give me twenty fucking seasons of Looking for Alaska’s unbearable bullshit if it also gives us even a fraction more Dynasty.

And are any of you still watching Nancy Drew? Did it get better?

 

Why I hate this episode:

I’m not particularly invested in Blake’s silly efforts to be big man on the rich person social scene, again. The episode gave a strange prominence to this mega yacht he wants to build, but I know Dynasty can’t afford that kind of location shooting, so I’m not going to attach myself to it. His reveal of the yacht at the party was intercut with the glorious Cristal/Alexis catfight, and it was not worthy, baby.

Kinda sad that Joel the hot cult leader is out, already. He was nice to look at.

Oh, and after the sleek, fab outfit Cristal had on last episode, she starts out this episode in another billowy, garbage number with crap hair and I’m just so over it. And her dress for the yacht party looks more like a robe. Do something, costuming department! You would have never done OG Cristal dirty like this.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Sis does make up for it by very quickly getting into a pond-side catfight with Alexis. I know I’ve been salivating for a catfight that ends up with the combatants tumbling into a fountain since the beginning, but fuckin’ hell this is close enough. I. Will. Take. It. Honey. And with Volcano Girls by Veruca Salt building up to it in the background and unleashing while the ladies unleash, I was living my absolute Jawbreaker fantasy. Dynasty: learn it, live it, love it.

And if you weren’t sure that Dynasty is pure camp, I had the realisation while watching Cristal and Alexis face off against each other this episode that neither actress was actually Cristal or Alexis when the things they’re fighting about happened. You can’t make this shit up, baby.

It’s truly a relief to see Cristal finally get something to do. And it’s not all empty catfighting, either. Mark and the baby’s death was some pretty heavy shit, and it’s not over: Alexis is right that Cristal can’t turn her over to the police without the hammer falling on Blake for killing Mac. And let’s not forget that Blake totally did kill Mac, and the dude was innocent. Dark.

Even with Cristal and Alexis backhanding each other in a pond, it’s still Fallon that ultimately puts in the hard work and owns the episode with her cult caper. It’s a testament to Elizabeth Gillies’ and Dynasty’s commitment to establishing Fallon’s larger than life character that it’s so easy to accept that sure, she’d be more than comfortable chucking on a wig and pretending to be a nurse who’s married to her similarly undercover brother to save her Australian frenemy from a self help cult. With singing.

Oh, man. When Adam threw on that guitar strap, I knew we were in for something special. It made every time Veronica performed at her speakeasy over on Riverdale look like absolute puke (well, more than it already did). The chemistry between Fallon and Adam is, and I’m sure Adam would be happy about it, electric. They just get it.

Adam actually sneaks in for a cheeky best line of the episode at the conclusion of all this when he tells Fallon he didn’t help her just on the promise she would talk to Blake:
Adam: “I thought it would be a great opportunity to get away from all this and really get to know my sister.”
A beat. Adam takes Fallon’s hand.
Adam, quickly raising it to kiss it: “And my wife.”
Fallon: “You just had to do it.”
Could this be the dawn of a non-villain Adam?

Kirby isn’t far behind with this similarly lampshade-hanging assessment of Fallon when they first meet at the cult: “Surprised to see you? Yeah. Surprised the first thing that came out of your mouth was an insult? No.” Babe, I called that a long time ago, too.

I’m glad Dynasty hasn’t forgotten Jeff’s supposedly irreversible illness. I’m thinking that Alexis (she is his wife, after all) might be able to help in some way with it to earn herself a little redemption now that the truth about her being a murderer is coming out.

Culhane’s subplot is very throwaway, but I’m enjoying that he and Sam continue to team up to keep things light and fun.

Oh, and some more shirtless romance scenes is certainly helping my acceptance of Sam and Fletcher’s relationship.

Now, replace Fletcher with Steven (with the right haircut, of course)…

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: