Dynasty Season 3 Episode 6 – TV Review

Isn’t it amazing that the gayest show on television also has the best heterosexual romance, too? God bless Dynasty.

After suffering through Nancy Drew and Riverdale each week, I’m so grateful to wash the taste of that shit out of my mouth with a cool, refreshing Dynasty.

I honestly don’t know what I’d do without it. It’s the only thing I genuinely look forward to each week.

Sorry, Supergirl. You gotta get it together, honey.

TL;DR Liam gets his motherfuckin’ memories back and he and Fallon hook up; I came; Fallon also tries to launch some new media company or whatever; Dominique is unimpressed by Vanessa’s romance with Culhane; Jeff almost catches Blake out when Blake breaks his house arrest; Adam and Nadia play petty games against Fallon; Kirby gets a new love interest; Evan doesn’t take the Fallon break up too well.

And I am officially giving up on holding out hope for Cristal’s fashion sense. She wears a fucking giant bow in her hair this week. I’ve had it.

So lesser subplots can wait: we’ve got Fallon and Liam to talk about. Following her vow to get over him last week, Fallon throws herself into work and moves to announce a new media company, and the launch of a magazine. Evan helps her with her work, and with their ongoing flirtation. Liam finds Fallon to tell her his memories are starting to jumble back into place, and despite some reluctance, she agrees to help him. This goes wonky, though, when it becomes too emotionally straining for her. And when Adam calls Evan to tip him off, which doesn’t make anyone happy (well, except Adam). Fallon resolves to stay away from Liam, but this comes beautifully tumbling down when he appears at her company launch press conference and announces the return of more memories, ending in a big PDA between him and Fallon, and some hot sex later. Monica is a fan (her happy clapping mirrored my reaction), but Evan, despite seeming chill, responds by stealing some of Fallon’s hair from a brush on his way out of the office after his resignation. It’s strange, and I am here for it. Meanwhile, Blake ramps up his schemes for his trial, which now involves tampering with the jury in order to result in a mistrial. He hires some jury tampering guy, but the dude will only meet with Blake in person. Which is tough, considering the whole ankle monitor thing (Cristal tries to go in his stead, but much like Cristal’s entire presence post-Season 1, she doesn’t actually do anything). Blake ends up slipping his cuff onto Cristal so he can go out and have the meeting, but tee hee hee, Jeff has hacked the monitor and knows something’s up. When he finds the car Blake took, it turns out Blake managed to outsmart him and left the jury tampering guy as a decoy while Blake hot-footed it back home. But Jeff is resourceful, and he returns to the manor to gloat that he’s scared off the jury guy, putting Blake back to square one. Cool. Meanwhile, Vanessa and Culhane (as I predicted) begin a romance, which Dominique only approves of because Culhane is currently a hot tabloid topic. But Culhane isn’t a fan of the paparazzi, so Vanessa helps him evade them so they can have some private sexy time, angering Dominique. It is within Dominique’s subsequent threats to Culhane to dump Vanessa that she overshares and Culhane puts things together that Vanessa is actually her stepdaughter. Gotta watch that monologuing, baby. Meanwhile, Kirby embarks on a failed attempt to find Sam a new man (he can’t date his employees, Kirby. Gosh!), but ends up finding some tall, bland, white meat of her own in a visiting motivational speaker at the hotel. Sam seems suspicious of him. And Adam, in between pranking Fallon’s love life, asks Nurse Nadia to help him find Blake’s will, as he’s worried that Cristal may have manipulated Blake into disinheriting him. Nadia claims to have found it, and it does say what Adam had dreaded. But that’s okay: a little patient-nurse makeout sesh heals that wound pretty quickly.

Nadia is no Shangela. Because she is what? Unprofessional!

You know what I’m scared of? Liam’s revelations being somehow faked (I mean, how hard would it be for him to find out her favourite colour?). I don’t think my poor, clogged heart could take the emotional roller coaster anymore.

But the optimist in me would like to believe that it’s totes real, and the next complications for my dream team will merely be whatever psychotic silliness Evan cooks up. Maybe he can join forces with Adam?

Just don’t take my Liam away from me!


Why I hate this episode:

I am one hundred percent not invested in Fallon Unlimited. The only good thing about it was that it facilitated a press conference Q&A that got Fallon and Liam to make out. Like, Dynasty already forgot what century it was in when Fallon bought a publishing company. A magazine is about as out of touch as that, wouldn’t you agree? I almost miss the days of her stupid energy company.

I’m still having trouble finding Dominique’s grand plan of getting Vanessa a record deal to be that exciting. She surely must have more up her sleeve than that.

Are the Dynasty writers fucking with us when it comes to Cristal. The poor dear just has nothing. To. Do. And even when she does try to do something, like meeting Mr Jury Tamperer, it doesn’t achieve anything. They almost had some fun when she has to wear Blake’s ankle monitor, but then we get a very short scene between her and Jeff that doesn’t actively involve it, and then it’s over. At this point, I’d be willing to stop asking for her to get a better wardrobe if they’d just get her something to do!

Oh, and for all his nefariousness, Adam seems oddly trusting of Nadia. Vulnerable is a compelling new look for him, but I’d expect better.


But it’s not all bad:

Nadia is almost certainly super dooper evil and possibly crazy, so if she does manage to worm her way into Adam’s heart only to hurt him, I would be living for him hitting her back with some kind of absurd takedown. Just go nuts with it, you two. Because I don’t for a second believe that what she’s telling him about the will is true (and Adam can’t look at the photo she took to verify it. Burn).

They do make a cute team for the moment, though. Nadia overhears Fallon gossing to Monica about her date with Liam, and that’s how Adam is able to warn Evan. Once things blow up, Fallon makes the quick and correct assumption that Adam is behind it, and they have a tiny spat about it. Always more of this.

Onto Fallon, and hot damn, she and Liam are hot this episode. In addition to clapping along with Monica at their press conference smooch, I was also jumping and screaming for joy. The follow-up scene of them getting ready to bang is also a tad raunchy. I know I’ll always have a place in my libido for King of the BAWGs Liam, but Fallon can surprise me, sometimes. She does this little gear switch from blowhard cartoon character to earlobe-licking sex goddess that just works.

Things aren’t working so well for Evan, however, whose claims that he’s taking the dumping in stride are clearly false when he secretly steals Fallon’s hair. I’m ready for things to get fucking weird.

The surprise standouts for the episode (apart from Fallon and Liam, natch) are Culhane and Vanessa. Their budding romance is cute and grounded, and the montage of them evading the paparazzi is the goofy fun I wish Culhane would have had much more of over the course of this show. It suits him much better than the brooding buzzkill role he usually gets saddled with.

But less of a fan of all this is Dominique, who it turns out is the one who called in the tip to the paparazzi. There’s an interesting duality building around her. Yes, she’s this scheming, unscrupulous rich bitch who will abandon her children and blackmail her brother and just be generally awful, but then we have this sincere, nurturing side to her that Vanessa herself backs up. The way she talks about her stepmother to Culhane is without any cynicism, as she tells him how her stepmother stepped up to the plate after her father left (and her biological mother had died when she was a child). No wonder she’s scared of what Jeff and Monica will think.

Dominique is also solely to blame for outing herself to Culhane when she needlessly jabbers at him about her role as Vanessa’s “manager,” the details of which Culhane puts together when Vanessa tells him the same tale about her stepmother. I do enjoy a good hoist by their own petard.

Kirby’s wish to hook Sam up with a guy is noble, but sadly the episode doesn’t actually show it (only Sam’s sensible reaction to the fact that he can’t date his employees, gurl). We do get to meet her new beau, though, in the form of a smarmy motivational speaker running a seminar at the hotel. Sam’s immediate suspicion of him gives me hope that something wacky could be coming down the road. I’m curious to see how Kirby handles it.

Blake and Jeff’s minor skirmish is textbook “rich people soap opera,” as Jeff realises Blake has taken a particular rare car out for his meeting with Mr Jury Tamperer, and calls upon his Instagram followers to track it down. Which they do. This scene also features another cameo from White Driver. I wonder what he’ll think of the new Alexis when she comes back?

Monica mostly acts as a sounding board this episode (and shipper on deck for Fallon and Liam!), but she wears this simple zebra print mini dress at one point that was just delicious. She better have on something fabulous when she and Vanessa have their inevitable confrontation.

There’s a seemingly pointless problem brought up by Evan about how the name “Fallon Unlimited” isn’t available, as someone else owns it. Evan later tells Fallon he’s fixed things up and she can now use it, but the fact that it’s mentioned multiple times, and then resolved offscreen by Fallon’s now-scorned lover makes me think this could factor into his revenge. I wonder if we’ll meet the actual owner of the name? And who wants to place bets that it’s Alexis?

Oh, and I know I’ve already used an image of Fallon and Liam this week, but fuck it. They’re worth seeing again (and again).

That’s “Miss Carrington” if you’re Dy-nasty.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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