Riverdale Season 4 Episode 4 – TV Review

Her face says what we’re all thinking.

So this is week 2 of The Betty-only Report.

And with the other subplots this week being almost comically bad (what the fuck even was the point of Veronica’s?), I feel like things are going to stay this way for a while.

Unless I give in to the truth buried deep inside and just throw Riverdale in the bin. Fucking hell, I’m close.

TL;DR Betty gets somewhat spooked by some prank calls that maybe turn out to be Polly being a dick; Charles helps; but whoa, Charles is also spying on Betty; the VHS tape thing from last episode doesn’t go anywhere.

I. Am. Shocked.

So firstly, yay on the episode starting out with Type A Bitch Alice back in form, and having shacked up with Skeet. The follow-up on that tape thing, by the way, is that it’s just static footage of outside the Cooper house, but then everyone else in town gets one but they don’t mean anything yet. Who cares? Betty’s time this week is spent on being disappointed in some people’s choices to dress up as the Black Hood and the Gargoyle King for Halloween, and then she starts getting phone calls from the Black Hood when she’s home alone. Well, Jelly Bean’s there. But given how little of a character Jelly Bean is, she might as well be alone. Charles shows up with some pizza and good timing and helps trace the calls, with the outcome being it was apparently Polly doing it from her mental health treatment facility. Who cares? The episode ends with Charles telling Betty she would make a good candidate for some youth FBI training program, and then a sinister reveal that he has bugged her phone or something. Oh, and we get a follow-up to that Elite Season 2 rip-off flash forward stuff, as future Betty and Skeet identify Jughead’s body at the morgue.

It better not be some twinanigans (or if you’re a Blossom, triplet-nanigans?).

So thankfully, not a whole lot is objectionable about Betty’s time this episode. But that’s probably because she isn’t given a whole lot to do. Not when you’ve got Toni and Cheryl playing peek-a-corpse (but Toni’s cool with it?); Archie’s relentless efforts to cause viewer suicide with his pathetic community centre bullshit; Jughead’s arch boarding school being arch; and Veronica’s aforementioned go-nowhere serial killer encounter.

Wank on, Riverdale.


Why I hate this episode:

It’s all shit except Betty. You know this by now.


But it’s not all bad:

Betty’s Halloween costume is Laurie Strode. I’m down.

I didn’t hate Cheryl and Toni dressed as Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn.

Betty’s best line of the episode is a simple one when she calls Polly while pretending to be Chad:
Polly: “Edgar? Is it really you?
Betty: “No, bitch.”
Giving me Tatianna vibes.

Oh, and I got a little giddy when Alice and Skeet were shown together. My favourite ship has come back into port, baby.

Shared half-brother and all.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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  1. Riverdale Season 4 Episode 5 – TV Review | I Just Hate Everything - November 10, 2019

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