Dynasty Season 3 Episode 3 – TV Review

Adam can fuck me under, for all I care. Just so long as he fucks me.

I’m sensing a caption theme this week.

Also, I just want to say that I was almost going to suggest Kelly Rutherford would be the historical alliance president last week, but I hesitated because I thought it wouldn’t make much sense to bring her back if Steven isn’t here.

And it doesn’t. But goddamn, she is still a blast to have around.

Maybe we could bring Steven back, too, though? Just saying.

TL;DR Sam tussles with Kelly Rutherford; Fallon begins her community service and encounters a new adversary/love interest; Blake schemes his way out of jail, and into house arrest (gotta save on those sets, baby); Cristal outmanoeuvres Adam with some business crap; Jeff and Monica wake up to Dominique’s deceptions.

And yet neither of them tell her about that overly aggressive hair layering.

So we’ll begin with Fallon this week, as she tries to put her Liam amnesia drama aside, and make a genuine attempt at doing her community service. Unfortunately, it’s unglamorous gardening duty, but she gives it the Fallon go. Meaning she absolutely kills it, and in record time. She also goes on an apology tour, reconciling with Culhane (and handing over her Atlantix shares), and attempting to again make amends with Trixie’s mum. She instead finds Trixie’s hot brother, but soon hasn’t got time for that, as someone sabotages her garden, putting her completion of her community service in jeopardy (and Fallon at risk of jail time!). Things culminate at the Carrington Halloween party, where Fallon accuses Adam and tackles him publicly into a giant cake. Meanwhile, Blake has a tough time in jail even without Culhane around, so he has new wife Cristal sneak him in a knife that he then uses to stage an “attack,” and weasel his way into house arrest. He comes home just in time to see Adam and Fallon rumbling in the cake, but after dressing them down, he does admit to Fallon (thanks to Cristal backing things up with her own Adam run-ins) that he agrees Adam is a menace, and promises to keep him away from her. But psych, it turns out the garden saboteur was actually Trixie’s hot brother. Though, his ire dissipates when he sees how truly bad Fallon feels, and then they almost kiss. Dynasty! Meanwhile, Sam meets the president of the historical alliance, and it’s Miss Bitch Kelly Rutherford herself, darlings. While Kelly agrees that homophobic architect was no bueno, she needs this to work out so she can win an upcoming historical alliance election (because why not?). Sam, after temporarily wishing to abandon the hotel business, swallows his morals and makes a deal with her to suffer the endorsement of the historical alliance in exchange for them spruiking the hotel to improve business. Meanwhile, the walls start closing in on Dominique, as she has trouble locating Jeff’s money, and Monica finds out the police never found Adam’s cuff link at the crime scene they staged. The jig is well and truly up and Jeff pulls a surprise reveal at the Halloween party, and the Colby siblings kick their scheming mother to the curb. Meanwhile, Cristal takes matters into her own hands, and usurps Adam’s position as acting head of that winery or whatever, impressing Blake. And the episode ends on a bitter note as Adam gleefully lets Fallon know that although Liam has been released from hospital, he’s (on Adam’s advice) gone to live with Laura, so Fallon still can’t get near him.

I’m envisioning some kind of nighttime infiltration. With a catsuit. Or a Veronica Lodge spelunking cape.

You know, I was almost going to whinge at Dynasty for having a Halloween party (this is Gay Christmas. It’s sacred!) with mediocre costumes. Like, Sam as Elvis? Really?

But then Monica walked in with that big, fuck-off ponytail in her stupid sexy cat costume, and I was calmed.

Also, a tackle fight on top of a giant cake is getting us pretty close to a catfight falling into a fountain. Come on, Dynasty. Make my dreams come true.


Why I hate this episode:

Dominique, honey. That hair. So flat. So aggressively layered.

Jeff’s reveal, while picking up some kitschy points, wasn’t as operatic as it could have been. And isn’t he, like, dying or something? What’s up with that?

This is an episode without Kirby, so we don’t get to see what non-specific Halloween costume she could have worn. It was also pretty light on Culhane, which given his recent BICTH status, was a shame.

Cristal continues to have just rubbish outfits. What is the costume department doing to her? Things do improve slightly with this all-white outfit she has on this episode, but baby, that was OG Cristal’s thing. You need to get your own thing. That isn’t shapeless sacks of crap.

Oh, and Sam doesn’t really win with his “victory” over Kelly Rutherford. He still has to have the homophobic architect’s name attached to the hotel. And by having the historical alliance make it a must-see attraction because of said architect’s historical significance, he’s now actively promoting that. Sam does make a small comment about how he’s disappointed with the outcome, but I’m confused that he folded so easily.


But it’s not all bad:

Always more Kelly Rutherford as this evil, WASP bitch, please. Even when what she’s doing isn’t really evil, she just makes things so delicious and soapy.

She also gets the second best line of the episode when quickly letting Sam know she’s not a bigot, and it’s just business: “As much as I love gay people, and lord knows I have slept with my share of them…” Are we sure this bitch isn’t from Chicago?

Onto Fallon, whose motivation to do well at the garden (beyond the fact that Fallon does well at everything, obv) is because she doesn’t want to merely be a rich asshole and pay someone to do her dirty work. And this is actually kind of lovely, spawning a mini-arc where she considers giving up after the sabotage, only to find her resolve and go rushing there late at night, still dressed as Marie Antoinette, to finish what she started. Fallon is a boss.

This also picks up a fantastic callback, as White Driver appears as the underling Fallon tasks with doing the garden work. I didn’t think we’d see him back. So thank you, Dynasty, for this Halloween gift (remember, it’s Gay Christmas).

The other Halloween gift, natch, is Fallon and Sam’s big cake fight at the party. This is preceded by the best line of the episode which comes after Fallon emerges in her costume, only to find Adam dressed as Marie’s similarly ill-fated husband:
Fallon: “You do know that Louis was killed way before Marie, right?”
Adam: “Yeah, but you know the French beheaded Marie Antoinette for incest, right. How unfair is that?”
Fallon: “Oh my god.”
I believe you mean Oh Mon Dieu.

I’m less sold on Fallon’s flirtation with Trixie’s hot brother (you would dare betray my Liam!?), but with Culhane off the table, I suppose it’s time to introduce another player. And he is an alumnus from The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo, so Dynasty seems like a natural fit.

Blake’s time this episode is consumed with getting out of jail, but I appreciate that he’s finally heeded the women in his life, and is now willing to help keep Adam from messing with Fallon and Cristal. But if he could let Adam burn Cristal’s clothes first…

Daniella Alonso, after a strong first outing, is still yet to find her rhythm as Cristal. But as long as she’s rubbing Adam and Dominique up the wrong way, I’m confident this will lead to more opportunities for conflict, and for her to prove herself.

Speaking of Dominique, I don’t know how she’s going to recover from being completely found out by Jeff and Monica. But she hasn’t made good on investigating Cristal’s family, yet. So here’s hoping she sticks around to keep that thread alive. She also looks phenomenal (hair aside) in her basic devil outfit for the party. She and Monica make a very cool entrance just as Fallon and Adam tumble into the cake.

Jeff doesn’t get to do much, but I’m glad to see him back.

Likewise, Culhane is relegated to a couple of supporting scenes this episode, but he makes the most of being gracious when reconciling with Fallon, and helping Monica out by telling her when he finds Dominique snooping around Jeff’s office at the Atlantix.

Oh, and except for Fallon and Adam’s costumes facilitating an incest joke, I kind of loved the fact that everyone else’s outfit was presented entirely without context. Kelly Rutherford’s, especially.

Is that a photonegative Babadook in the background?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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  1. Dynasty Season 3 Episode 4 – TV Review | I Just Hate Everything - November 3, 2019

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