Dynasty Season 3 Episode 2 – TV Review

This shit is hot, is what I’m saying.

With Kirby and Culhane stalling, Dynasty’s hottest couple again comes back to Fallon and Liam. The comedy scenes also in this episode just make them even better.

Glad to see while the Schwartz/Savage empire falters with Nancy Drew (and straight-up sucks with Looking For Alaska), that Dynasty is keeping the flame burning.

Because it’s hot? I don’t know a lot of metaphors.

TL;DR Fallon faces off against Scummy Mummy in the battle for Liam; Blake and Culhane clash in prison, ending in disaster for Blake; Cristal battles both Adam and Dominique to remain in control of things in Blake’s absence, without much success; but she and Blake do get married; Kirby moves into Culhane’s place, but their relationship might not survive it now he’s been released; Sam tries to capitalise on a historic find in his hotel, but then discovers information which makes it a huge obstacle.

I mean, if that shit isn’t on the architect’s Wikipedia page, I wouldn’t have looked further, either.

So I’m going to pick Cristal out of the gate this week, because she and her clothes are boring. First, Adam undercuts her by taking control of some vineyard Blake spoke to them about. Then Dominique tries to throw her weight around and talk to the media about everything. Cristal tries fending them off, but her efforts don’t do much to deter Adam, and Dominique retaliates by manipulating a prison guard to photograph Blake mid-punch-up. Cristal does pull out a pretty impressive power move by surprise marrying Blake behind bars, but we’ll see if that does much for her. Blake, meanwhile, is unimpressed to find out he’s roomies with Culhane in the clink. Things look up when some of the inmates take a shine to him for manipulating the prison into providing better food, but the pendulum swings back the other way later thanks to Culhane talking shit about Blake. A minor punch-up ensues (the one Dominique’s cronie photographs), leading to a heated exchange later between Blake and Culhane where Blake brags about killing Mac the security guy. At his bail hearing, Culhane goes full BICTH by showing up released, and alongside another of their cellmates, who psych, was actually an undercover agent and Culhane set up a sting. Blake is denied bail, and his case is looking grim, baby. Meanwhile, Culhane agrees to letting Kirby move into his place, but when he’s suddenly out, he’s not too happy to find out she’s redecorated. Speaking of, Sam’s hotel renovations uncover a secret room that belonged to the hotel’s architect, who it turns out is hella famous. The local historical society gets giddy, so Sam decides to exploit the situation and celebrate the architect by redesigning things around him. But uh oh, in comes one of the architect’s descendants, and it turns out the dude was a bit Mike Pence-y with his views around the gays. Sam tries to call it all off, but apparently he’ll have to deal with the head of the historical society next episode. And over in the wonderful world of amnesia, Fallon’s plans to jog Liam’s memory hit a wall when it turns out it’s not Ashley she has to worry about (she gone), but Scummy Mummy herself, Laura. Laura does her best to sabotage things, but Fallon does manage to squeeze out a couple of memory flashes from Liam. Things take a dire turn, however, when Liam gets fed up with their fighting, and Laura takes out a restraining order against Fallon, the violation of which could see her recent slap on the wrist this episode for lying about Trixie all those years ago changed into actual jail time.

Yes, but can she and Blake then share a cell? Or would that be even worse for him than sharing with Culhane?

I don’t know how many good episodes it’s going to take for me to be comfortable that this new showrunner won’t fuck things up, but this episode is a damn good step in the right direction. I cackled several times out loud while watching this one.

But the problem is: that was basically only when Fallon was around. And I’m not sure if you know this, but there are several characters in the main cast that aren’t Fallon.

It’s a problem.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Top demerits go to poor Cristal. You would think Dynasty would have put a little more effort into making Daniella Alonso’s transition smoother by giving her something to fucking do. But nah, she just pouts impotently at Adam and Dominique, and then marries Blake while he’s in jail. Yawn. I mean, Adam basically does yawn at her when she tries to pull rank and show off the ring near the end of the episode (Dominique is slightly more thrown, but not by much). Give her something to do, show!

And for God’s sake, give her something to wear. Including better hair. Her outfits, much like Ana Brenda’s, are just a big mess most of the time. OG Cristal had that whole white/nude thing going on that made her stand out. Cristal 2.0 is often in kind of shapeless, shiny/sequined shit that doesn’t fit with everything else going on. And like I said last week, this new Cristal has also been handicapped by not having Ana Brenda’s immaculate, running joke-worthy hair. It’s a travesty.

Dominique could also use a hair makeover. Those harsh layers at the front (and centre part? Blugh) are so distracting. Not mad at the hats, though.

I don’t really understand what’s going on between Kirby and Culhane. Last episode he pushed her away, but then she’s back to visiting him this episode like it ain’t no thang; he invites her to stay at his place; but when he gets there, they then have a big awkward silence. Why are they breaking up, exactly?

Oh, and I hope Dominique has better schemes up her sleeve than just Tinder-ing a prison guard to take a mildly unflattering photo. You’re our replacement Alexis, mama. Step it up.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Again: hat queen. I am living. Beret my world, baby.

We’ll get to my actual true love Fallon in a moment, but let’s take some time to shine a light on Culhane this episode. He is so much fun! Having him reveal the sting in the court room after Blake is taken aback by having no bail offered is golden. I’m telling you, straight guys can be so bitchy. And I’m pretty sure they love it. I know I do.

But yes, onto Fallon. I was so happy that it turned out Ashley wasn’t going to be her enemy, but Laura. Sharon Lawrence is feeling her absolute oats in this role, and I’m so proud to see it (also, shout out to her for On Becoming a God in Central Florida, too. Villainness extraoardinaire!). And there’s something very gratifying about the fact that they’re so openly hostile towards each other in front of Liam, with Liam being largely fine with it. Because this is a kitschy soap, and not a serious drama.

Laura is in for the kill, too. After she hilariously bumps into Adam, who poses as a doctor to confirm for himself that Liam has indeed got amnesia, she has to awkwardly pretend not to know him. He then must fill her in about how Liam and Fallon lost the ring after the proposal, because when Fallon’s telling Liam that story, Laura shows off the ring to refute it (I think Adam must have found it in the lake, right?). Good one.

Laura comes in blazing with the best line of the episode just prior to this. Fallon is trying some sensory recall thing with Liam by bringing him Chilean sea bass to smell, which is what he cooked for Fallon one time. She then tries spritzing some of her perfume. When things take too long, Fallon sprays a bunch more, so when Laura enters the room she enters with this: “It smells like a fish brothel in here.” I’ve laughed out loud many times over the years while watching Dynasty, but bitch. This one.

This then evolves into the best scene of the episode as Laura calls in security to remove Fallon. Fallon sprays at them with the perfume, then tumbles over Liam’s bed, then tumbles back over while caressing him along the way. Which awakens a slight flash of memory. This is the Dynasty I never want to lose.

They also kind of do it again after Fallon has kidnapped Liam (he’s cool with it) to take him to the courthouse where they met, and the ladies scuffle over control of his wheelchair.

It’s here that Dynasty, I think for the first time since the legendary Adam reveal, gave me chills, as Liam has actual memory flashes of Fallon. And this makes his subsequent request for Fallon to back off all the more heartbreaking. Garsh, just make it work, you two!

Fallon picks up the second best line of the episode when she’s very transparent with her feelings about Ashley, and what she’s been telling Liam: “Ashley told you that? Is she here? Because I’d like to have a word with her. Or maybe a heated argument.” Laura was more than a worthy replacement.

Sam’s subplot this episode is kind of a stupid sack of shit, and very “third season deep into a mostly premise-less soap opera,” but I admire that Sam was immediately willing to stop his exploitation of the architect’s name when he found out the dude was a proponent of gay conversion therapy. And I am keen to find out who this historical alliance president is, and what she’s going to do to Sam.

Oh, and the fashion department gave me a little spark of hope this episode in amongst Fallon’s boring black tops and Cristal’s sequined sacks with this much improved look for Fallon. Not sold on the centre part, but I want to commend the improvement.

Liam’s got that market cornered. Stick to the animal print, honey.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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