Dynasty Season 3 Episode 1 – TV Review

There’s not a whiff of soccer anywhere in this episode, so I’ll take that as a cautious good sign.

Also a cautious good sign: a change of showrunner (and the new distraction for Schwartz/Savage of Nancy Drew) has not killed Dynasty yet.

And as much soapy fun as a plastic surgery-induced recast was last season, we’ve now evolved to a straight-up recast with Daniella Alonso on the scene as Cristal 2.0, 2.0.

Long may Dynasty reign.

TL;DR Things pick up right where they left off; Fallon is tormented by guilt over Trixie; Blake struggles to keep everyone’s stories straight about the multiple dead bodies in his lap; Cristal and Dominique square off for the position of Top Carrington Bitch (Fallon’s busy elsewhere, okay?); Sam and Kirby mostly waste time; Culhane is still in prison.

It was time to name upgrade him. I’m impressed that the limo driver who Fallon banged in the pilot is still here (and a series main, no less) after all this time. If only he had a subplot that wasn’t rubbish, though.

So let’s start with Blake, who gets a lot of play this episode while he tries to wrangle his obnoxious family to keep everyone out of jail after this lake dredging, body finding fiesta. He gets some serious pushback from Fallon, and Dominique is still swanning around to irritate him, even after picking up her cheque for thwarting Jeff’s plan to frame Adam for his disappearance. Thankfully, he’s got the latest model Cristal on his side. But this new, tougher Cristal isn’t about to do everything Blake says, and she goes against Blake’s wishes for sneaky Adam not to interfere further, and instead urges Adam on to tamper with the body of that security guy, Mac. Which he does. Meanwhile, Fallon is horrified over the discovery of Trixie’s body, and the revelation that Blake himself chucked her in the lake after their drunken balcony accident ten years ago. Ghostly visions of Trixie begin haunting Fallon, and her situation is not helped by Liam (though, thankfully, alive) being in a coma. Fallon tries taking things into her own hands by offering her condolences to Trixie’s mother, and by announcing a nebulous scholarship in her name, but it turns out the only thing that’ll set her straight is confessing to the cops… and also still lying and saying that Mac did it. But hey, at least Liam doesn’t wake up with amnesia and doesn’t recognise Fallon and thinks he’s with Ashley, right? Oh. Things also go south for Blake, who ends up arrested at the end of the episode for Mac’s murder (which, to be fair, he did do. But what happened with Adam’s evidence tampering plan?). Meanwhile, Kirby and Culhane’s relationship is tested by his imprisonment, and something happens that makes him want to push her away. Meanwhile, Alan Dale officially quits Carrington Manor and begins his job at Sam’s hotel. And Dominique, eager to reintegrate herself into Atlanta society, comes up against Cristal. So she hires an investigative journalist to look into Cristal’s family.

Does that mean we’re going to see more of Beto with the meaty things? Cool.

So blessed be, bitches. It’s a week with a good episode of Riverdale, and a good episode of Dynasty. When was the last time that happened?

On the yess gawd tongue popping drama front, this is a bit of a soft opener. But I respect Dynasty’s adherence to detail, as it flows on seamlessly from the Season 2 finale, recasting and all.

And way to get promoted to opening credits, Liam and Dominique.

Monica must be fuming.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Seriously, I daresay Monica’s had more to do over the last season and a bit than bloody Jeff, and he’s still in there. I mean, for the fashion alone, babe. She pulls out multiple lewks this episode (putting Fallon and her increasingly disappointing hair to shame). She deserves better.

Speaking of disappointing hair, while I’m totally on board for Daniella Alonso as Cristal, her hair is hardly anything to write home about, wig department. Come on. Fallon spent a whole season’s running gag on how good Ana Brenda’s was. Step it up.

I’m finding it hard to feel any sympathy for Kirby’s “homelessness.” So she’s willing to scrounge a million dollars to bail Culhane, but she can’t scrape together a couple of thousand for a rental apartment? Pfft.

Oh, and I hope Culhane gets more to do than sulk in prison. Whatever’s going on with his case better be good.

 

But it’s not all bad:

I think it’s going to take more than an “I don’t want your money” to scare off Kirby, though. And I’m glad for it. His relationship with her is the best thing to happen to his character since his romance with Fallon was officially stamped out. Come on, conjugal visit.

Kirby ends up sleeping in her Femperial office to close out her time in the episode. I’m curious to see where her publishing subplot could go. Fallon could barely make it work, but baby I’ve seen Younger. It could work, given a bit of effort.

Onto Fallon, who keeps the episode chugging along with her hilariously lame visions of Ghost Trixie. Appropriately for Fallon, she’s not so much spooked as she is exasperated, leading to some attempted quick fixes. First, she goes to see Trixie’s mum, but she promptly froths with rage and has a panic attack. Then, at the aquarium gala (what a phrase), she publicly announces a bland scholarship thing in her name. A momentary disappearance of Ghost Trixie makes her think it’s over, but nah. You gotta go to the cops and do the right thing. By pinning everything on a dead guy. Werk.

Fallon does get a swift slap from karma, though, when Liam awakens in the hospital with a case of explosive amnesia. And that bitch Ashley is there to swoop in. Methinks Liam likely awoke earlier and Ashley, who had been hovering, got to him first. Kirby never really materialised as a proper opponent in a classic soap opera Bitch Off, so maybe Ashley’s put in some training since Aspen and it’s time to do battle?

Speaking of battle, with Alexis out of the show, I’m pretty sure Dominique has been bumped to series regular to give Cristal, too, a proper opponent. Daniella Alonso’s Cristal is already more imposing than last season’s, as she openly threatens Dominique at the aquarium gala (aquarium gala! Yass) to not embarrass Blake. Let them fight.

This episode may not have been too ambitious with its writing, but Dynasty clearly got a bit of budget to work with, as the Carringtons have an event that, gasp, isn’t at the manor. Sadly, the aquarium gala does not end up with anyone catfighting in front of an open fish tank. But Fallon does arbitrarily shove Adam to topple over a food table. So Dynasty’s keeping its slapstick legacy alive, and I couldn’t be more proud.

Adam continues to evolve into a plainly evil, but also kind of amusingly ineffective villain. He poses as a doctor to try to do something to Liam while he’s comatose (because he’s worried about what Liam will say about getting hit over the head when he wakes up), and Fallon stumbles upon him before it’s too late. The scene plays out with a delicious comedic tone, despite the fact Fallon outright acknowledges Adam was about to do something dastardly. Hijinks!

Adam again later does sneaky doctor stuff when he switches toe tags at the morgue to get Mac’s body, likely crawling with Blake and Cristal-related evidence, marked for cremation. I’m curious as to how this ended up going awry, though (but I won’t complain about the awkward comedy moment when Adam rushes to tell Blake of the police’s arrival, interrupting a Blake and Cristal sex scene).

Awkward sex stuff is the name of the game this episode for Adam, who earns the second best line of the episode when Fallon’s leaving to see Liam in the hospital: “Give him a big kiss for me.” Give it to him yourself, sis.

There a couple of references to Cristal’s recasting, but I’m a basic bitch, so I can’t go past this best line of the episode from Cristal during the interview montage: “I just got here.” Sue me.

I’m still not entirely interested in Dominique’s quest to become Queen Carrington, but I’m glad someone’s finally doing something about investigating Cristal’s family. It doesn’t hurt that she hires a handsome, young journalist to do it. And she even saved that actor from having to appear on Legacies again. What a hero.

Oh, and maybe Monica’s already starting to give her some fashion tips.

Yes, I get all my fashion tips from 2009-era Snooki. Is that a problem?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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