Dynasty Season 2 Episode 19 – TV Review

Giving me life. And occasional arousal.

Whereas Riverdale can’t end its season soon enough, my heart is already starting to ache over the fact that Dynasty’s soon going to be heading into its season finale.

Don’t leave me. Stilted, nonsensical rich people drama replenishes my electrolytes!

TL;DR Liam’s mum returns to take a massive shit on Fallon, but this only brings her and Liam closer; and exposes Adam’s treachery; Blake and Cristal use blackmail to secure their new gambling venture, but Black Driver is on to them; as is Jeff, but he’s not feeling too well; Alexis faces (ah ha!) the truth about her situation.

I just couldn’t resist.

So let’s get to our favourite power couple who are pretending that publishing books is worth all this money and drama. News breaks of the Fallon/Liam kiss photo, and despite Fallon successfully spinning the story, Liam’s mum is back in town to sue her into oblivion for how the book portrays her. Fallon is more than happy to break out the army of lawyers to handle it, but Liam instead suggests they play nice. Which goes about as well as you’d expect, especially when Scummy Mummy pulls out the Terminal Cancer Card. Liam falls for it, but Fallon just instead steals her blood, tests it to find inconsistencies,  and confronts Mummy, who then publicly shames and refutes Fallon at the book launch party. Yikes. Meanwhile, Blake and Cristal do some hands-on dirty work to blackmail a politician into changing state law to allow sports gambling, as this is what Blake’s deal with Papa Flores is all about. It works, but Black Driver, spurred on by the findings of an increasingly erratic Jeff, manages to snap a photo of the meeting. He takes this, along with the boxes of stuff Jeff compiled, and offers it over to the FBI in exchange for immunity from his BBB crimes. Nice. Jeff, meanwhile, succumbs to his mystery illness from the office paint, but Adam does him a solid and calls an ambulance before he dies (not sure Jeff’s going to remember your oblique mentioning that this was a warning, though). Meanwhile, Sam gets his requisite screentime by teaming up with Alan Dale to find out who took the Fallon/Liam kiss photo. Thanks to Sam’s well-timed selfie at the party, they find out it was Adam, and a dutiful snoop through Adam’s laptop confirms this. As well as the fact that he’s the one who reached out to Scummy Mummy to cook up the fake cancer scheme (they’re also boinking). Once Fallon is in possession of this information, she forces Mummy to come clean to Liam, and their relationship is stronger than ever. And Alexis takes some time this episode to reflect on her new face. When she inadvertently finds out from the doctor that Adam gave them a photo of Fallon for reference on purpose, she finally chooses the right child to protect, and warns Fallon about him. She then sets off for New York to see a plastic surgeon about getting (another) new face.

I knew Dynasty didn’t have the budget to keep special effectsing Fallon and Alexis together into scenes.

I think the undeniable hot streak for most of the season of stunts and gaggery set me up for a little bit of failure these past couple of weeks. It’s important to remember that Gossip Girl, even at the height of its powers, wasn’t explosive every single outing.

So you know what, Dynasty? This episode features a party scene, public proclamations that end in embarrassment, clandestine blackmail, two Elizabeth Gillies, and a Scummy Mummy takedown. And it’s not fair for me to ask for more.

And thank God I always watch Dynasty after I watch Riverdale. Dynasty even on an off week is already solid, but after Riverdale, every episode is a masterpiece.

 

Why I hate this episode:

I can’t say I’m mad that Elizabeth Gillies being Alexis turned out to only be stopgap solution. But she didn’t get a chance to really do anything with the role, either. Oh, well.

Blake and Cristal have some nice fun as an evil scheme team, but I still don’t care about anything Atlantix, or Atlantix-adjacent, like sports betting.

Likewise, Black Driver and Jeff remain sequestered in “following around Blake” bullshit subplot purgatory. At least Jeff has that funky poisoning going on. But with Kirby still out on her book tour, Black Driver ain’t got nothing of soap substance to do.

Sam and Alan Dale always make a fun pair, but they’re just treading water this week with their arbitrary photo research subplot. I suppose this is the price to pay to have the show focus so heavily on Fallon.

Oh, and we get an explanation for why Alexis has been so chill around Adam despite, and may I remind everyone again, the fact he shoved her face into a fire. Apparently, she had generously chalked his assault up to an explosion of years of parental neglect or something. Alexis delivers it in a handwaved line of dialogue I assume to just get it out of the way, but fuck, Dynasty. That’s weak.

 

But it’s not all bad:

At least she gets her overly smooth head out of her arse and spills the tea to Fallon before leaving for New York. Here’s hoping Dynasty has the restraint to not bring her back until they get a proper replacement actress, and a proper reason for her to keep hanging around Carrington Manor.

While we’re on the subject, Sam’s selfie obsession sprinkles in a bit of life to his otherwise unnecessary subplot. It’s on-brand.

Let’s get to the Fallon of it all, though, as Our Queen does a solid episode’s work going up against the cancer tears of Scummy Mummy. She comes in hot with her comically large assembly of lawyers, but knocks things up a notch by literally stealing blood from her as part of a supposed spa treatment to test it for proof she’s been doing chemotherapy. When she gets the “nah, mate” text back at the book party, she wastes no time in confronting her. Fallon is on the case, baby.

Mummy takes the opportunity (and the mic) to publicly shame Fallon for her accusations. Fallon quickly defuses it and almost gets her off stage without further comment, but the bitch we know and love just can’t let it go, leading to Mummy pulling out proof of medical scans, and rebutting that her blood no longer shows the chemotherapy proof because she’s stopped treatment. Oof.

Fallon is so damaged from this, in fact, that she capitulates, drinking alone at the bar after the party’s cleared out, and only getting back on the horse when Sam and Alan Dale arrive with the proof she needs.

This leads to a delicious cut to Adam and Mummy in bed together, as all characters named Adam (whether real or false) have Oedipus fetishes in the world of Dynasty. Hey, I’m not a kink shamer.

I’m hoping that Fallon really starts to come down hard on Adam after this, too. There’s a chance that she might just see this as a largely arbitrary snipe, but she’s got hard evidence he was out to get her. Coupled with Alexis’ revelation, Fallon’s next stop better be to try to get Blake on her side.

Speaking of Alexis, I’m interested to see what Dynasty does with her in the future. She says her stay in New York will likely be a long one, so I’m not expecting her back for the remainder of this season. A lot of the show’s success is owed to Alexis. I don’t want this to be the end.

It was nice to see Blake and Cristal actually out in the field with their little “distract the politician’s husband with Cristal’s damsel-in-distress fakery while Blake plants a gun in his car” act. I particularly admired the viciousness from Cristal when they blackmail the politician later. Mostly Silent Cristal 2.0 With The Nice Hair wasn’t exactly a terrible role, but Rising Villainess Cristal Carrington The 2nd shows promise. More, please.

As the whole book launch party fiasco goes down, there are some genuinely fun reaction shots from Adam, who is enjoying the show. Same.

Sam and Alan Dale will be going on the Maldives holiday Fallon and Liam had planned before their disagreement this episode. With said disagreement now worked out, does that mean all four of them will be going on a vacation episode? With Liam shirtless often at the beach!?

Oh, and in lieu of Liam shirtless at the beach, let it not be forgotten that I’ll sploosh over him in an practically any state. I’m not picky.

Yass, Basic Daddy.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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