Riverdale Season 3 Episode 17 – TV Review

Riverdale The Raid Hermione wine

Except I drink white, not red. Ain’t nobody got time for all those antioxidants.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but can you believe that the Betty segments are the only good things about this episode?

It’s got to be a first!

TL;DR Betty amps up her anti-Farm agenda, losing Cheryl to them along the way; Archie helps out his former juvie buddies; Jughead and the Serpents try to stamp out the Gargoyles’ new drug cooking operation; Gina is unimpressed; Veronica tries to stop her parents from divorcing.

I could have sworn that not too long ago Veronica was telling Hermione to GTFO, right?

So let’s start with Veronica, just to get her out of the way. She becomes concerned that Hermione might be in danger from their mafia enemies if her split from Hiram becomes public, so she tries to make them stick together. By faking said kind of threat against Hermione. Hiram sees through it, but does meet Veronica halfway by having the marriage annulled by the church, thus getting the separation he wanted, but not subjecting Hermione to a big public divorce. Who cares? Meanwhile, Archie finds out from Mad Dog that his old juvie is shutting down, and the inmates will be shipped to Hiram’s new prison (which he’s finally preparing to open, btw). So Archie and Veronica blackmail the governor to pardon them. Meanwhile, Jughead and the Serpents embark on a mission to weed out all the Gargoyle drug dealers in town, but accidentally step on Skeet’s actual law enforcement toes. Gina relishes the conflict between her son and husband, but when Mad Dog tells Archie that the Gargoyle cook is in a slum apartment block, Archie and Jughead rally their respective forces to take them down. Kurtz turns out to be the cook, and he gets away, but our boys accept the minor victory. And Jughead makes sure to rub it in Gina’s face. But who cares, tho? And saving us yet again from a complete wash of an episode is Betty, who recruits Cheryl to help spy on The Farm. Unfortunately, Cheryl ends up falling for Farm King Chad Michael Murray’s tricks, but Betty does manage to get inside and steal Alice and Polly’s “interview” tapes. The episode closes out as Cheryl reveals the reason she’s converted is because Chad has resurrected Jason or something, and Alice confirms the same when she tells Betty being at The Farm allows her to communicate with Charles (the real one. Not Chic). So now it’s time for Betty to meet the Farm King one-on-one.

To fuck? I mean, might as well while you’re there, right?

As per usual, this episode is wasteful all around, except for Betty.

This season can’t be over quickly enough.


Why I hate this episode:

Who cares about Archie’s juvie friends?

Who cares that one of them who we barely met gets killed in retaliation at the end of the episode?

Who cares about Gargoyles cooking drugs?

Who cares about Hiram and Hermione’s relationship?

Who cares about Veronica’s “I don’t wanna be a child of divorce” fuckin’ whingeing?

Who cares, Riverdale?


But it’s not all bad:

Cheryl describes Chad to Betty as a “yummy snack.” Girl, that man is a whole damn meal.

When Betty gloats to Chad that she’s stolen the tapes, he easily hits back that he could have more copies elsewhere. And hell, even if he didn’t, he could just get Alice and Polly to “interview” again. Yummy and mean? He is my dream man.

I also like the allusion to Scientology with the “interviews.”

Jughead and Gina’s antagonism seems to be escalating. Hopefully it will yield results sooner, rather than later.

We finally get to see the prison at its ribbon cutting ceremony.

Oh, and Chad tells Cheryl that her frozen river suicide attempt in Season 1 counts as her already having been baptised. I do like me some Season 1 reverence.

Riverdale The Raid Cheryl

Riverdale giveth, and Riverdale taketh away.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Riverdale Season 3 Episode 17 – TV Review”

  1. femi says :

    hmm a waste of chad michael murray hot body
    and oh christ what have they done to my queen cheryl
    she’s a shell of her old self

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