Dynasty Season 2 Episode 13 – TV Review

Dynasty Even Worms Can Procreate Sam Kirby

It’s a reliable look for them.

The drama is high this episode, darlings.

What a fucking closing run. Riverdale could never.

TL;DR Mark Jennings is here, and he causes problems for Blake’s jealousy and Cristal 2.0’s labia; but Alexis fucking murders him at the end of the day, so that’s fine; but she was actually trying to shoot Cristal 2.0; Fallon and Black Driver get into an escalating prank war at work that ends in sex; Sam and Kirby turn Alan Dale into a meme.

Subplots gonna subplot, baby.

So let’s get to the meat of the episode: Mark Jennings has arrived, in all his beefy, vaguely ethnic daddy glory. Blake has demanded that he’ll raise the baby either way, but if it’s not his, Cristal (I’m dropping the 2.0. OG Cristal ain’t coming back, people) has to pretend like it is. After some overzealousness from Alexis, Blake reneges, and tries to be a modern man and agree with a split custody arrangement should the baby be Mark’s. But when Alexis exposes the feelings Cristal still has for Mark, the old Blake comes roaring back, and he tries to buy him off. This doesn’t impress Cristal much, but hey, the DNA test comes back positive for Blake, anyway. All’s well that ends well. Meanwhile, Fallon and Black Driver butt heads at the soccer team, so she starts up some classic Fallon pettiness via pranking. Black Driver is no slouch, though, and schemes back just as hard. Fallon goes big to win the battle by sabotaging and then saving the reputation of a player at the press conference, but her planted reporter goes off script and harangues Black Driver about his own painkiller-addicted past. This goes down badly and Blake fires Fallon. But it does end up in some steamy hate sex between Fallon and Black Driver later. So not a total loss. Meanwhile, Sam and Kirby try to figure out what to do with Sam’s Instagram fame. They accidentally catch Alan Dale in the background of a video being adorable with the dog, and this lights up their viewership. Alan Dale isn’t too happy when he finds out, but he does make a proclamation of father-in-law-ly love to Sam, and Sam decides he’s done with the Internet rat race. But mon dieux: Steven calls Sam begging for help, but the phone cuts out just at the vital moment! Oh, and there’s more mon dieux where that came from, as Alexis closes out the episode by taking an earlier teardown from Cristal to heart and drunkenly tries to commit suicide. But at the most inopportune moment, she spots Cristal and Mark out on a farewell horseback ride, and she takes aim at Miss Thing. But epic mon dieux: she hits and seemingly kills Mark instead, and this also spooks Cristal’s horse and she’s knocked and dragged.

Mon. Dieux.

Like, it’s not even fair how much better Dynasty has been handling these kind of high drama moments than Riverdale.

No amount of evil board game fuckery or absurd gangster trash could even come close to Alexis motherfucking Carrington drunkenly killing a guy, and possibly an unborn child, while wearing a glamorous fur.

There’s no contest.

 

Why I hate this episode:

No, Mark! Your yummy beefy daddiness only just got here.

And how is Alexis going to stick around after this? This episode pointedly remarked on how she shouldn’t be here and serves no purpose. Could this be the build up to her leaving the show? Say it isn’t so!

I still don’t care about the soccer team.

Oh, and as much fun as Sam and Kirby are together, I want to see them (especially Kirby) getting opportunities to interact with other characters. Cute B Plots are fine, but we need some variety.

 

But it’s not all bad:

This B Plot is exceptionally cute, though. Alan Dale is the biggest, most adorable dork with the dog, and I love it. The wholesomeness is wonderful. And it was a suitable foil to the frivolity of Fallon’s escalating prank war, and the eventual darkness of Alexis’ journey.

Onto that prank war; although it was a bit muted, it also kept things nice and simple. Fallon fires first with a classic “steal your clothes while you’re in the shower” bit. When Black Driver turns up later unmoved, she reveals it was actually a double barrelled prank, and she also moved a meeting with Blake up. Fallon isn’t one to go for an easy victory.

Black Driver retaliates by secretly leaking his past as a chauffeur to one of the executives, so he can get accused of this, and then turn it around to work in his favour. He also goes for the double barrel, as it looks like Fallon must have leaked the info, and Blake is disappointed in her.

Of course, things escalate too much and get out of control with the reporter at the press conference blowing past the lob Fallon set up, to then point the finger at Black Driver’s hurtful past. The end result of all this, of course, is that Fallon is fired. So thank God, and let’s hope we don’t have to put up with too much more soccer team stuff.

But now let’s get to the (man) meat of the episode: Mark. He is tall, dark and handsome, and is a good guy to boot. He is refreshingly congenial to everyone, even to the scheming Alexis. So it’s extra painful when his blood spurts out all over Cristal in the final reel, and he drops to the ground apparently dead.

Dynasty is hardly the world’s most serious show, so I was still kind of waiting for a joke to fly in and defuse Alexis’ trudge into the woods with the gun. But it doesn’t. She is distressed and ready to put the gun in her mouth. And then when she’s interrupted by Cristal and Mark, I was like okay, here we go. Now she’ll run away embarrassed. But no ma’am; she explodes in anger and screams as she fires at Cristal. It’s truly shocking.

And then that big, juicy burst of blood all over Cristal from Mark, leading to a pretty gnarly looking stunt of her falling from the horse and getting dragged. What a moment. What a cliffhanger.

Steven also phones in a cliffhanger that’s not quite as exciting, but we know that he’s in trouble, hasn’t got his passport, and is no longer in Paraguay. As long as he comes back into the show quickly, I’m down for anything.

Fallon and Black Driver air out their whole season’s worth of grievances before they fuck. It was cathartic.

White Driver makes a brief return, now that Alexis can blackmail him for meddling with the DNA test. Thank you, Dynasty.

Blake orders what sounds like a hit on Mark earlier in the episode. I assume it’s not actually an assassin, but like a hired goon or something to beat him up. He calls it off later, though, but only by voicemail. So I expect Blake might assume that the shooting may have been done by the hired goon or something. That could be Alexis’ opportunity to avoid blame.

Oh, and in any case, we’ll miss you, Mark. You can join Nick Wechsler on the “handsome guy gone too soon” pile.

Dynasty Even Worms Can Procreate Mark Jennings shirtless

Preferably in the middle.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Dynasty Season 2 Episode 13 – TV Review”

  1. Daniel Marquart says :

    Who plays the new Mark Jennings? He looks familiar.

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