Dynasty Season 2 Episode 7 – TV Review

If only the writers’ room had made their stankfaces as heard.

So after a Season 2 run of straight fire, Dynasty has tumbled into its first pothole of a nothing, garbage, filler episode.

And here I was foolishly thinking this season’s Episode 7 would be Claudia’s time to parallel her villain reveal in Season 1.

I blame myself for expecting too much.

TL;DR Claudia is MIA, so instead we have Alexis getting into a cute but pointless prank war with Cristal 2.0; Sam and Kirby auditioning nannies to take care of baby Matthew (but nobody knows the baby’s identity. Yet); Fallon tries to start a record label arbitrarily with Monica; Black Driver and Jeff’s association with BBB minorly escalates.

But there may be a way out for Black Driver soon. God, I hope so.

So things kick off with Alexis enacting a scheme to deal with this baby Hank has dropped on her trailerstep: she sneaks it into Baby Jesus’ spot in the Carrington Manor nativity display, and has Sam discover it. Sam, still baby crazy, enlists Kirby to help him pick out a nanny (while comically irritating an exasperated Alan Dale) to care for it while they wait for Child Services, but Sam and Kirby end up learning that they make a pretty good team, and don’t need one. Meanwhile, Alexis’ loft has been rebuilt, but all her houseplants mysteriously die. Cristal 2.0 suggests OG Cristal may be haunting it, so they burn some sage, but this sets off the sprinkler system. Alexis sets out to prove Cristal 2.0 did this on purpose. And she did, leading to the two recognising each other as worthy scheme rivals, but also leading to Cristal 2.0 discovering evidence that Alexis is the one who dropped off the baby. Meanwhile, Fallon struggles to put Liam out of her mind, so insists that she and Monica start a record label together and hold a performance showcase at Club Colby. This clashes with a poker game arranged by Black Driver and Jeff, so (under duress from BBB), Black Driver triggers a fire alarm to clear out the club. Monica is injured in the stampede, so Jeff comes clean to her about what they’re doing. And Black Driver demands out from under BBB, so she ominously agrees, provided he do one last, big job for her.

Are they gonna fuck? They’re probably gonna fuck.

So after a disappointing episode of Riverdale this week, I’m sad to say we’ve followed up with a disappointing episode of Dynasty.

It’s not the skyscraping trainwreck of weirdness that Riverdale is. But on a Dynasty Season 2 scale, this episode is just a limp bore.

Filler’s gonna happen, sure. But don’t tease me with Claudia on a roaring rampage of revenge, and then give me this.


Why I hate this episode:

The prank war between Alexis and Cristal 2.0 provides the requisite catty jibes and minor slapstick moments. But their bout just feels passionless. Alexis truly hated OG Cristal, and when they got going in a fight, they really got going. This plant-poisoning, sage-burning, graffiti-writing exercise is uninspired, and only exists to get Cristal 2.0’s nose into Alexis’ closet to witness the Baby Jesus figure. And it’s not like this baby thing is any kind of epic discovery. Alexis only had it dropped on her last episode, and it’s not even hers (and she doesn’t even know whose it is). Again: weak.

The fact that Alexis doesn’t know who Claudia is I think is to simply delay the drama. But it was deflating when Alexis was like “who?” and then just palmed the baby off to Sam, and without the original note so nobody else knows it’s baby Matthew, either. This is unlike the Dynasty I’ve come to expect. We only do instant gratification around here.

Kirby continues to journey further and further away from the villain zone, as she’s now essentially Sam’s faghag. Not that she’s doing a bad job at it (she is a cool, cunty faghag, sis), but we need more conflict, dammit. It feels like maybe Dynasty isn’t ready to use her, yet, and with Steven suddenly fired from the show, they’re just gonna dump her on Sam for now.

I understand the purpose of Fallon’s “let’s start a record label” subplot is to demonstrate how put out she is over losing Liam. But God, it’s inane.

Oh, and Fallon comes clean to Black Driver about kissing Liam at the divorce party, but Black Driver is yet to tell her about BBB. This is made even more egregious because Jeff does tell Monica about BBB.


But it’s not all bad:

The end of the BBB arc could be on the horizon with this proposal of One Last Job, so I imagine Fallon will likely find out about it all at the most explosive moment. As long as there’s melodrama, mama, I’m here for it. But hurry up, please.

BBB also gets more points for the lewks this episode. Fallon is otherwise a bit blah, but BBB keeps things couture with a hilarious wig get up when she’s undercover, and a later androgynous pants piece that is serving complete CUNT. And that voice is really growing on me.

Alexis is the MVP of the episode, still managing to impress with some trademark pettiness during her flaccid prank war with Cristal 2.0. As an alternate reading of the episode, I’d like to believe that Dynasty knows how silly and pointless it is, so the whole using dramatic flashbacks to show that Cristal 2.0 was being a bitch the whole time thing was intentionally overwrought to make it even more absurd. Dynasty has generally been smart enough for me to believe that, but I’ll leave it for you to decide.

Sam and Kirby’s nanny boot camp trials were a short but sweet slice of fun. Kirby’s letting her bogan flag fly, and I’m so proud to see it.

Monica is a stable, reassuring presence this episode. She keeps Fallon as close to a reality check as she can. And although she gets injured during the fire alarm stampede and this is what spurs Jeff into telling her the truth, she does rightly concede that all that happened was she got stepped on and her shoes broke. Keep it real, gurl.

Black Driver and Fallon remain strong as a couple after she admits to her Liam anxiety. Aww.

Oh, but for how long? Because BBB and her huskiness are still lurking. And lewking.

Dynasty A Temporary Infestation BBB

She’ll steal your money, and your man.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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