Dynasty Season 2 Episode 6 – TV Review

Dynasty That Witch Fallon gay kiss

Is it gay if the other woman is you?

A Wizard of Oz fantasy sequence, and a Fallon same-sex (and same person) kiss?

Wow, Dynasty. You’ve really out-gayed yourself this time.

Thank gay God.

TL;DR Fallon struggles to earn Black Driver’s mum’s acceptance of their relationship; she ends up choosing Black Driver over Liam (thanks to a fantasy sequence for the ages, darling); Cristal 2.0 finds out Blake manipulated her, but is otherwise cool with it; Sam decides it’s best crazy Kirby not be his surrogate; Alexis annoys Blake by trying too hard to keep him alive; Hank betrays Claudia and leaves once Alexis pays him off.

And he leaves the baby on Alexis’ doorstep. I mean, I’d say that nobody could be a worse mother than Claudia. But Alexis?

So in true Gossip Girl successor style, Dynasty is here with a goddamn Thanksgiving episode, bitches. Fallon is out in front this week, as the major plot revolves around her trying to win over Black Driver’s mum, who she finds out has not yet been informed of the engagement. She is unimpressed when she is, so Fallon schemes to win her over by bribing her church’s pastor to bring church people to Carrington Manor for Thanksgiving dinner. In between all this, Fallon is also handed down an ultimatum from Liam: make up her mind over the holiday weekend, and if she doesn’t choose him, he’s outta here. So naturally, the only course of action to take is to have Fallon knocked unconscious by debris during a storm/tornado during Thanksgiving and have her enter a fantasy dream sequence based on the Wizard of Oz. Hey, it makes gay sense to me. The sequence is pretty short, but in the end Fallon realises she’s only so desperate to win over Black Driver’s mum because she knows it’s impossible, and it would give her the excuse she needs to go running to Liam. So Fallon makes the difficult choice to commit to Black Driver, and she tells Liam buh bye. Also, Black Driver’s mum is starting to defrost, anyway, so it’s cool. Meanwhile, Blake romances Cristal 2.0, but she starts to become suspicious of him after receiving an outrageously generous severance cheque from her clinic job. She eventually puts the pieces together and confronts him, but does admit she finds the assertiveness sexy. So Blake responds by proposing marriage. Mon. Dieux. Meanwhile, it doesn’t take Sam long to figure out Kirby probably isn’t the most stable oven in which to put a bun. This causes tension between him and Kirby, with Alan Dale not helping by being judgemental from the sidelines. But in the end, Kirby accepts his decision to withdraw the offer, and Kirby and Alan Dale have some father/daughter bonding. Meanwhile, Alexis thinks Cristal 2.0 could be a black widow following that psychic reading from last episode. She isn’t, of course, and Blake also rebuffs her when she tells him the about the prophecy. But things aren’t all against Alexis, as Fallon cuts her a cheque after acknowledging Alexis wasn’t a completely terrible mother after all. Alexis then uses this to pay off Hank, who it turns out doesn’t trust the crazy Claudia, who he dupes. And then he leaves baby Matthew on Alexis’ doorstep.

Well, trailerstep.

So good fucking grief, 20gayteen. Dynasty just keeps outdoing itself. It’s almost unfair how much better it is than anything else on The CW right now. And with its subpar ratings, I can’t imagine much money is being spent on it, which makes its success even better.

What’s your excuse, Arrow?

 

Why I hate this episode:

Not all is golden, though, and I’m sad to report that Cristal 2.0 still doesn’t fit in. It was especially disappointing to have her take the role of Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz fantasy sequence. Bitch, Fallon doesn’t even know you. OG Cristal would have been perfect for that spot.

The fact that OG Cristal wasn’t the unseen, dead Wicked Witch of the East is also a travesty. Sure, Blake makes more narrative sense. But damn, can you imagine?

Cristal 2.0 also has boring hair and kind of blah clothes, which I guess is because she’s not rich, yet. But Blake’s snap decision proposal doesn’t make me happy that she will soon become rich, either. Because that snap decision is trash.

Kirby being let go from surrogacy duties so soon was confusing. Why really even bother bringing it up in the first place?

Is this the end of Liam? My libido does not approve.

Fallon has a suddenly crippling fear of storms, and some ado is made about a pill she takes to calm her nerves. But then this doesn’t pay off. Weird.

Oh, and Claudia makes a delicious reference to how she shot up the place at Thanksgiving last year, but then vanishes from the episode. Robbed!

 

But it’s not all bad:

I’m holding out hope that Dynasty really is That Bitch, and Claudia will show up to scheme the house down next week. Her big reveal episode was Episode 7 last year, so the parallel would be too good to pass up.

I’m going to actually take a moment here to give Hank the pat on the back he deserves for his turn against Claudia. It’s clear he really does care about baby Matthew, so my heart was kind of warmed when it was revealed he’d sent Claudia to a fake meeting, and he instead handed off the baby to Alexis to get it away from Claudia. He and Alexis even depart on good terms (after she hands over the money he was blackmailing her for), which was a sweet and genuine moment I wasn’t expecting.

But enough with easing on down the road, let’s get to that goddamn fantasy dream sequence. I literally squealed when I realised what Dynasty was doing. The fact that it’s over very quickly, and done on an obvious budget (it all takes place within the Carrington Manor set), just adds to the kitsch factor. It made an already fabulous Thanksgiving episode into utter perfection.

In the fantasy, Fallon is Dorothy, of course; Alexis is the Good Witch (commented upon by Fallon. I lol’d IRL); Blake is the Wicked Witch of the East whose slippers Fallon receives; Cristal 2.0 briefly appears to fill space as the Wicked Witch of the West so she and Alexis can get into a catfight; Liam is a hot, lost-his-mind-in-love Scarecrow; Black Driver is a fly as hell Tin Man (because he needs a heart/love. Get it?); Sam is a gogo boy Cowardly Lion (because he’s afraid to tell Kirby he’s changed his mind); Black Driver’s mum is the Wizard’s angry smoke show; and in the best reveal of all, Fallon herself is also the true Wizard. The costumes are all goddamn brilliant, and each character makes self-aware commentary about their role and what’s happening. I couldn’t have asked for more.

The fantasy ends when Wizard Fallon goes full Dream Ghost and tells Fallon that the real reason she wants Black Driver’s mum’s approval is because she knows she can’t get it. And then the two Fallons arbitrarily make out. So gay. So chic.

I’m heartbroken that Fallon has told Liam it’s over, but I admire her for making the mature choice. And Dynasty has proven itself shockingly smart (and have I mentioned gay?) so far, so our yummy beefcake Blandly Attractive White Guy surely isn’t gone for good.

Speaking of not gone for good, Claudia has gone from annoying hanger-on to my most anticipated recurring villain. She is just so much fun when she wants to be. And impressively competent. Yes, Hank sent her on a wild goose chase this episode. But I’m eagerly anticipating how she will react when she finds out both her money and her baby are gone.

Kirby is left subplot-less by the end of this episode, and although her badass erosion continues, I enjoyed getting to see a more sympathetic side of her. She and Alan Dale do have a meaningful breakthrough about their relationship. And the pot is sweetened by the fact that she had Sam purposely slag her off to Alan Dale to then spur him into protective dad mode. Aww.

Kirby also gets the best line of the episode when it becomes clear she’s being a real Aussie at this Thanksgiving dinner:
Sam: “How much have you had to drink?”
Kirby, immediately: “A lot.”
Me, too, girl. Me, too.

Oh, and I am living for Wizard Fallon’s turban and parachute pants lewk. Green really is her colour.

Dynasty That Witch Fallon Wizard

Gay God, I hope so.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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  1. Dynasty Season 2 Episode 7 – TV Review | I Just Hate Everything - December 2, 2018

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