Legacies Season 1 Episode 3 – TV Review

Legacies We're Being Punked, Pedro Jeremy Gilbert cameo

Uhh

Seeing Jeremy’s cameo reminded me that Matt still hasn’t reappeared since his cameo in the first episode.

Which is the only thing Legacies can make us grateful for.

TL;DR Everyone fights off that stupid gargoyle that got teased last episode; Alaric announces to a school for supernatural creatures that supernatural creatures exist (omg no wai); Josie and Hope build their relationship up a little bit; Landon and Wolfboy are saved from a werewolf hunter by Jeremy; Penelope is not in this episode.

So if we take my advice from last week, that means we don’t have to watch this episode at all. Ah, that would have been a better choice.

So try to stay awake with this plot rundown, because goddamn, what a snooze. The major plot revolves around that gargoyle that we saw last episode. Alaric sends Hope, Lizzie, Josie, and the other kids who were in the football game into town to do community service as punishment for their fuck ups. Lizzie gets taunted by Blonde Rival and returns to the school in a huff (she’s also mad that Josie plays nice with Hope after Lizzie is a mega cunt). The gargoyle reacts to her anger and attacks her, leaving her paralysed, and Alaric now with a school full of vulnerable kids to defend. Meanwhile, Josie and Hope hang around town but return to magic school when Josie feels twin pain from Lizzie’s injuries. Together with Alaric, they defeat the gargoyle, which turns out to be a protector of humans and is linked to the dragon knife or whatever. Alaric reconciles with his kids, and lets the school know about the supernatural threats they’ve faced, and may continue to come. Meanwhile, Landon and Wolfboy do some street hustling to get easy money off punters by betting on feats of strength/agility that Wolfboy easily performs due to being a werewolf. They are later attacked by a werewolf hunter, but Jeremy Gilbert shows up to protect them, and bring them back to magic school on Alaric’s orders. Meanwhile, Alaric gets some flirty time with that British counselor. And the episode ends as Blonde Rival and her friend come to magic school to commit some more vandalism, but are attacked by some offscreen monster.

Oh no. I feel so bad for them. Why, God.

Yeah, I’ve already got one foot out the door with this show. I usually try to give most shows at least five episodes to find their groove before I abandon ship, but Jesus Christ, Legacies is putting in such an appallingly lacklustre effort.

If next episode doesn’t show any improvement, I’m out.

 

Why I hate this episode:

I’m honestly shocked at how low-effort Legacies feels. I would have thought the people behind TVD and The Originals would have known better than to get lazy on their third go around, but nope. Legacies is lazy as hell. From our truly, eye-rollingly paint-by-numbers teen high school drama, to the lame monster-of-the-week, to the stock standard Alaric/Counselor office romance, there’s not a single compelling or nuanced element in this show. It’s bad.

Admittedly, the only praise I’d had for the show so far was for Penelope, who is an assembly line mean girl, and therefore also not very original. But at least her actress was having fun. Even Bella Thorne managed to be tolerable when she stepped up to the mean girl bat in The Duff. It’s an easy win for a show/movie, so why the hell is Penelope not in this episode?

Caroline’s absence is contextualised with some dialogue stating she is out of town on an unusually long recruitment drive. Not good enough, show. We need her back here. Now.

Landon continues to make very little impression as our leading man.

Likewise, Hope’s demeanour keeps getting more aloof and detached. If it wasn’t for that still-glorious hair, I probably wouldn’t notice her when she’s on screen at all.

Oh, and why didn’t Alaric do any research on the dragon knife before he put it out for display with no security in the library of a school?

 

But it’s not all bad:

Landon claims that the dragon knife kind of compelled him into stealing it, and then also compelled him into lying about it when he was asked later on. Cool. I wonder if Other Intern will manage to move it somewhere safe off-campus, or if it will One Ring its way into his head, too?

Josie tells Hope that she remembers when Hayley used to visit magic school, and she says Hayley was beautiful. And yes, bitch, she was.

One of Blonde Rival’s minions literally throws a milkshake on Lizzie with a fake “oops, my bad.” It’s hilariously aggressive.

Yay for Jeremy, I suppose. But considering he doesn’t actually appear when the boys return to the school, I have a feeling this is similar to Matt’s cameo, and we won’t be seeing him again.

Oh, and from what I’ve seen so far (and apart from the delicious Penelope), I think I’m going to pick poor Josie as the actor whose time is being wasted the most by this mediocre fart of a show. Move to a better CW property, honey.

Legacies We're Being Punked, Pedro Josie

The only CW show worse than this one.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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