Legacies Season 1 Episode 2 – TV Review

Legacies Some People Just Want to Watch the World Burn Penelope sassy

Save us, mean girl wan Kenobi. You’re our only hope.

You wouldn’t expect an episode with an actual dragon to be this cold and limp, but here we are.

You did it, Legacies. You made the teen drama more compelling than an actual dragon.

And when the teen drama is this tepid, that’s quite an achievement.

TL;DR Landon didn’t kill all those people on the bus, because it was an actual dragon; Landon flees again (this time with his brother); Josie and Lizzie butt heads over whether or not to use magic in a football match against Mystic Falls High; Penelope hangs around to be mildly dastardly.

I’m not kidding: she’s the only thing keeping me from quitting right now.

So get your unsalted crackers and glass of milk out, because we boutta get bland up in here. Hope and Alaric lead the major plot, as they go looking for our on-the-run Landon. Wolfboy insists on joining them, and along the way they encounter a strange woman in the woods. They also manage to find Landon, and it turns out that the woman is actually a straight-up dragon, and she’s the one who incinerated the bus. She has some connection to the magical knife, though. She ends up transforming into a CGI beast, but then Hope uses magic on her and they stab her to death. Compassionate. Alaric gets mad that Hope had prepared a dark magic death spell to bring on the trip (because she had intended to use it on Landon), and Landon and Wolfboy run off. Meanwhile back at the school, Josie and Lizzie lead the magic school in a yearly football game they play against Mystic Falls High. Alaric always instructs them to ensure they don’t use their powers, and to lose, to keep the town from any suspicions. This doesn’t last long, though, when Lizzie has some pedestrian rivalry drama with some blonde girl, but Josie shuts down the power usage before long. Penelope slips in with a third option of winning without using their powers, but Josie also stamps this out by using magic to ensure they do lose after all. As instructed. Lizzie does get to punch her rival in the face when she’s being a sore winner, though. And the episode ends as Alaric returns to the school and remarks about this new emergence of a magical creature, and an ominous gargoyle statue starts coming to life.

Bitch, this isn’t Riverdale. We don’t need another Gargoyle King.

I’m going to give Legacies a partial pass for this garbage episode. As we saw with Charmed’s second episode recently, the first episode out from a CW pilot seems to be an obligatory dumping ground for a lame monster-of-the-week.

And at least Legacies didn’t have the gall to waste an important cast member on it like Charmed did with poor Valerie Cruz.

But goddamn, Legacies. You better pick it the fuck up next week. Charmed has the benefit of being largely fresh. Legacies is the second spin-off of The Vampire Diaries, one of the major pillars that formed the present day CW. Why you actin’ brand new?


Why I hate this episode:

I’m starting to feel like Legacies is aiming younger for its audience than the previous TVD-verse entries. Sure, it makes sense that it’s aiming younger than The Originals. But The Vampire Diaries was set in high school, and it didn’t feel so fucking juvenile. Stupid CGI dragons? Really, show? This feels weak even by Once Upon a Time standards.

Then we get some pretty serious mood whiplash when our “heroes” are just stabbing the ever-loving shit out of this poor, mute, black woman. Jesus, Legacies. Haven’t you heard of optics?

I can barely recall anything Hope said or did in the episode. Not a great quality for our protagonist to have.

Landon similarly fails to register. All he does is lie and whinge and run away. Maybe don’t come back? Do we really need a male lead? Could we just promote Penelope?

The football match is cute, but the drama doesn’t go anywhere or prove anything. I suppose it was meant to show that Josie and Lizzie have differing priorities. But Lizzie’s actions were only motivated by pettiness towards her rival, and it’s implied that they’ve done this dance before. So why is it this game that Lizzie wants to use powers? Because the plot says so. Duh.

The CGI dragon looks bad. And I can’t see how any good can come of that gargoyle.

Oh, and Hope’s culpability in her dark magic spell being what triggered the magic knife isn’t brought up. I hope this doesn’t end up being a dropped thread.


But it’s not all bad:

The TVD-verse surely doesn’t need more different types of magic, but for the moment I am interested to know more about the difference between what Alaric calls Earth Magic and this Dark Magic. Whatever happened to Expression, anyway?

The episode belongs to Penelope, who is putting her best spiteful mean girl foot forward. She taunts Lizzie and Josie when she sees Hope leave with Alaric, showing that he cares more about Hope than his actual daughters.

She later makes a deal with Afrovamp at the football game to help him win Lizzie’s heart. I don’t think we’ve seen the extent of this (unless Afrovamp’s agreement to her proposal to win the game without powers counts?), but the fact that she claims not to have an ulterior motive is all the proof I need to know that she does in fact have an ulterior motive. Let’s hope it’s delicious.

Lizzie picks up the best line of the episode when she agrees with Penelope’s proposal: “Good idea, Satan.” Lizzie just likes calling people the devil, doesn’t she?

Lizzie also has a fantastic stank face. More teen petulance, please.

Before being identified as a dragon, Other Intern thinks the forest woman could be a Pyromancer, which is a near-extinct supernatural creature. If we’re going to be expanding the list outside of the regular vampire/werewolf/witch categories, then I say go full Teen Wolf and just chuck in everything. I don’t remember anything about Teen Wolf’s plots, but I do remember that show for how fucking nonsensical it was. Really crap it up, Legacies. Go for it. Just try not to use too many big CGI monsters.

Oh, and I realised why Penelope feels so familiar. She’s one of the girls from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s iconic Season 1 song Put Yourself First.

Legacies Some People Just Want to Watch the World Burn Penelope football game

Penelope’s just full of great advice.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Legacies Season 1 Episode 2 – TV Review”

  1. kl says :

    What is this show even about? I wanted it to fill the tvd/to sized hole in my heart, but this is just garbage. I read that Jeremy Gilbert is going to show up sometime. Was there some revolution that happened off-screen that resulted in all the factions getting along and not wanting to kill each other? I’m pretty sure in the series finale of tvd they showed Jeremy teaching people at the school how to use a crossbow to kill a vampire or something. I would think it would be terrible to put all those kids together. I don’t know if I can keep watching this. The only thing I’m holding onto is the fact that there are relatives of Kai on the show, and they helped put him in a prison world. He’s still out there somewhere.

    On another note, because of you, I got into Dynasty and it’s the show that I look most forward to every week now. Riverdale is starting to lose me. We’ll see.

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      Omg can you imagine a Kai cameo? I’m pretty sure the CW still has Chris Wood on the books. And you’re too right about Legacies being garbage. I can’t believe how badly its stumbled out of the gate when they’ve had all this time with TVD and The Originals to practice.

      And hell yeah, Dynasty is the show I look forward to the most each week, too. I wish Riverdale would lighten the fuck up.

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