Legacies Season 1 Episode 2 – TV Review
You wouldn’t expect an episode with an actual dragon to be this cold and limp, but here we are.
You did it, Legacies. You made the teen drama more compelling than an actual dragon.
And when the teen drama is this tepid, that’s quite an achievement.
TL;DR Landon didn’t kill all those people on the bus, because it was an actual dragon; Landon flees again (this time with his brother); Josie and Lizzie butt heads over whether or not to use magic in a football match against Mystic Falls High; Penelope hangs around to be mildly dastardly.
I’m not kidding: she’s the only thing keeping me from quitting right now.
So get your unsalted crackers and glass of milk out, because we boutta get bland up in here. Hope and Alaric lead the major plot, as they go looking for our on-the-run Landon. Wolfboy insists on joining them, and along the way they encounter a strange woman in the woods. They also manage to find Landon, and it turns out that the woman is actually a straight-up dragon, and she’s the one who incinerated the bus. She has some connection to the magical knife, though. She ends up transforming into a CGI beast, but then Hope uses magic on her and they stab her to death. Compassionate. Alaric gets mad that Hope had prepared a dark magic death spell to bring on the trip (because she had intended to use it on Landon), and Landon and Wolfboy run off. Meanwhile back at the school, Josie and Lizzie lead the magic school in a yearly football game they play against Mystic Falls High. Alaric always instructs them to ensure they don’t use their powers, and to lose, to keep the town from any suspicions. This doesn’t last long, though, when Lizzie has some pedestrian rivalry drama with some blonde girl, but Josie shuts down the power usage before long. Penelope slips in with a third option of winning without using their powers, but Josie also stamps this out by using magic to ensure they do lose after all. As instructed. Lizzie does get to punch her rival in the face when she’s being a sore winner, though. And the episode ends as Alaric returns to the school and remarks about this new emergence of a magical creature, and an ominous gargoyle statue starts coming to life.
Bitch, this isn’t Riverdale. We don’t need another Gargoyle King.
I’m going to give Legacies a partial pass for this garbage episode. As we saw with Charmed’s second episode recently, the first episode out from a CW pilot seems to be an obligatory dumping ground for a lame monster-of-the-week.
And at least Legacies didn’t have the gall to waste an important cast member on it like Charmed did with poor Valerie Cruz.
But goddamn, Legacies. You better pick it the fuck up next week. Charmed has the benefit of being largely fresh. Legacies is the second spin-off of The Vampire Diaries, one of the major pillars that formed the present day CW. Why you actin’ brand new?
Why I hate this episode:
I’m starting to feel like Legacies is aiming younger for its audience than the previous TVD-verse entries. Sure, it makes sense that it’s aiming younger than The Originals. But The Vampire Diaries was set in high school, and it didn’t feel so fucking juvenile. Stupid CGI dragons? Really, show? This feels weak even by Once Upon a Time standards.
Then we get some pretty serious mood whiplash when our “heroes” are just stabbing the ever-loving shit out of this poor, mute, black woman. Jesus, Legacies. Haven’t you heard of optics?
I can barely recall anything Hope said or did in the episode. Not a great quality for our protagonist to have.
Landon similarly fails to register. All he does is lie and whinge and run away. Maybe don’t come back? Do we really need a male lead? Could we just promote Penelope?
The football match is cute, but the drama doesn’t go anywhere or prove anything. I suppose it was meant to show that Josie and Lizzie have differing priorities. But Lizzie’s actions were only motivated by pettiness towards her rival, and it’s implied that they’ve done this dance before. So why is it this game that Lizzie wants to use powers? Because the plot says so. Duh.
The CGI dragon looks bad. And I can’t see how any good can come of that gargoyle.
Oh, and Hope’s culpability in her dark magic spell being what triggered the magic knife isn’t brought up. I hope this doesn’t end up being a dropped thread.
But it’s not all bad:
The TVD-verse surely doesn’t need more different types of magic, but for the moment I am interested to know more about the difference between what Alaric calls Earth Magic and this Dark Magic. Whatever happened to Expression, anyway?
The episode belongs to Penelope, who is putting her best spiteful mean girl foot forward. She taunts Lizzie and Josie when she sees Hope leave with Alaric, showing that he cares more about Hope than his actual daughters.
She later makes a deal with Afrovamp at the football game to help him win Lizzie’s heart. I don’t think we’ve seen the extent of this (unless Afrovamp’s agreement to her proposal to win the game without powers counts?), but the fact that she claims not to have an ulterior motive is all the proof I need to know that she does in fact have an ulterior motive. Let’s hope it’s delicious.
Lizzie picks up the best line of the episode when she agrees with Penelope’s proposal: “Good idea, Satan.” Lizzie just likes calling people the devil, doesn’t she?
Lizzie also has a fantastic stank face. More teen petulance, please.
Before being identified as a dragon, Other Intern thinks the forest woman could be a Pyromancer, which is a near-extinct supernatural creature. If we’re going to be expanding the list outside of the regular vampire/werewolf/witch categories, then I say go full Teen Wolf and just chuck in everything. I don’t remember anything about Teen Wolf’s plots, but I do remember that show for how fucking nonsensical it was. Really crap it up, Legacies. Go for it. Just try not to use too many big CGI monsters.
Oh, and I realised why Penelope feels so familiar. She’s one of the girls from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s iconic Season 1 song Put Yourself First.