Dynasty Season 2 Episode 3 – TV Review
Last episode I proclaimed that Dynasty was approaching Gossip Girl Season 2 levels of fabulosity.
But I think we might already be there. Or, mon dieux, beyond.
TL;DR Liam’s mum takes dead Uncle Moneybags’ place, and she and Fallon face off even more sublimely; Black Driver has to secretly sacrifice himself to ensure the deal closes; Blake makes creepy advances on Cristal 2.0 and scares her away; Kirby has flashbacks to her childhood that culminate in the revelation that Alan Dale is actually Steven’s father; oh, and Steven isn’t the father of Kelly Rutherford’s baby.
It was her gynaecologist, if you’re playing at home.
Holy fucking shit, this episode is everything. Let’s start with Fallon, who has to juggle trying to obtain some late-in-the-game signed contract from Uncle Moneybags in New York, while working on schmoozing Liam’s mother (who is now head of the company) as a Plan B. Black Driver goes to New York, while Fallon endures the ruse of her fake marriage, while also coming to learn that Liam’s mum is a huge cunt to her son, and Liam puts up with it because her cuntishness is apparently due to Liam’s father’s death (but don’t worry, Scummy Mummy is now remarried to a flamboyantly closeted Brian Krause. Yass, Dynasty). Fallon ruins everything when she stands up for Liam, but luckily Black Driver manages to secure the already signed contract. But he has to sell himself to some underhanded businesswoman to do so, which he doesn’t tell Fallon about. Meanwhile, Blake tries to get to know Cristal 2.0, who confirms that she knew Cristal when they were in Mexico, and Cristal 2.0 gave her permission to use her identity to flee to America. Blake then also projects all the things he liked about Cristal onto Cristal 2.0, which rightly creeps her out, and she politely lets him know that she’ll be leaving. Meanwhile, Sam and Steven face some harsh truths about their relationship and whether or not they actually do want the baby, but they end up stronger and more committed to each other as a result. Meanwhile, Kirby redirects her rage from Fallon to Alexis when she starts realising Alexis is the one who had her shipped off when she was little. This is aided by some hypnotherapy-induced flashbacks (covertly perpetrated by Alexis. Because why not?), leading to the explosive revelation that child Kirby heard about an affair between Alexis and Alan Dale, and that Alan Dale is the father of one of Alexis’ children. Kirby records this on a hidden nanny cam, and at Kelly Rutherford’s baby shower she hijacks the video feed to play it in front of everyone. Alexis tries to intervene and call Kirby crazy, but Alan Dale says it’s true, and that he is Steven’s father. But the episode ends with one final bang, as Kelly Rutherford, now aware that Steven’s baby wouldn’t therefore be a Carrington heir, announces Steven isn’t the father and she skedaddles.
Oh, and the Liam/Fallon UST continues to build, and I don’t know how she isn’t literally throwing herself at him every time he smiles at her.
So really at this point, it’s fair to say that it’s another week, another soap-tastic, juicy episode of Dynasty. Where else are you going to get two paternity reveals in one episode, huh?
I’d be willing to compare this episode to some of the better Gossip Girl Thanksgiving episodes. And Dynasty didn’t even need to lean on an event holiday.
Why I hate this episode:
I wouldn’t have minded a Halloween episode, though. Missed opportunity for some costumes.
This episode, I only have two minor quibbles. The first is the Blake/Cristal 2.0 subplot. This seems to have already run its course, but with her now in the opening credits, we know she’s going to be staying around. But why?
The other is Black Driver’s subplot. Not only is there his new thing where he’s going to be working under duress for blonde business bitch, but his jealousy of Fallon and Liam has finally surfaced. I knew his generosity would crack. What a shame.
Oh, and while I am living for everything Kelly Rutherford this episode, I’m sad to see her gone so quickly. And I hope it wasn’t due to obligations with that new PLL spin-off. Because there’s not a chance in hell that will be anywhere near the quality of Dynasty.
But it’s not all bad:
She made her mark, though, so I can’t begrudge her that. Her sniping at Alexis is classic Lily van der Woodsen. And then her frank and cruel “it’s not actually your baby soz byeeeee” at the baby shower was the perfect way to end the episode. The juxtaposition of her gyno quip and callousness next to Steven’s now-double devastation about his paternity and his baby’s was delicious.
Sam and Steven’s relationship woes also have that crossover of comedy (Sam’s ridiculous splurging for the baby shower) and serious drama (Sam’s unintentional reveal that he doesn’t actually want the baby). Dynasty is best when it’s being fun, but it’s important to remember that we have to pretend to care about these people for twenty-two episodes. So we do need that emotional level to connect with.
But enough about them, the episode truly belongs to the ladies. We’ll let Fallon lead us, as she also finds an emotional connection among her mesmerising day wear and bitch-duel with Liam’s mum. Mum is openly and relentlessly tearing into Liam for how he looks and how he acts. Fallon asks him about it when they’re forced to share a bed (they build a pillow wall. Squee!), and he admits that his mum had a mental breakdown when his father died, and he doesn’t want to upset her. So noble.
Fallon, thankfully, does not share that compulsion, and earns herself the episode’s second best line at breakfast when she finally snaps during another Liam teardown: “Listen up, you Joan Crawford psycho shrew.” She. Did. That. At breakfast!
This is also a vital moment in the building UST between Liam and Fallon, which Liam actually voices to her later at the baby shower and demands she acknowledge it. Black Driver appears and the conversation ends, but Fallon does offer Liam a job for the transition of the company sale. So he’s sticking around, ladies.
Fallon also has a pretty good quip at Liam’s mum about how she thinks her husband and Steven would get along, because they have so much in common. To Liam’s mum’s fucking face. BICTH.
Best line of the episode goes to the episode’s true hero, though, which is Kirby. After coming face to face with Alexis and realising who her true enemy is, Kirby gets oh so close to uttering the line that would have made me come last week: “I’m back, bitch. And I’m your problem, now.” If only it had been “bitches.”
Kirby’s memories about the fire that got her sent away snowball into her realising that Alexis and Alan Dale had been talking about an affair. So she does what anyone would do, and places a nanny cam with the baby shower gifts in Blake’s office to record their conversation. Alexis picks up an honourable mention for the best line category during this: “I refuse to have this discussion right now, Anders. I have Melissa’s thunder to steal.” Melissa is Kelly Rutherford, by the way.
But discuss it they do, and just enough for Kirby to pull another of the oldest tricks in the book, as she hijacks the baby gender reveal TV screen with the nanny cam to play the footage to everyone. Kirby may not have Fallon’s finesse, but she does get shit done.
Let us not forget Alexis’ contribution to the episode. Not only do we find out she probably faked the fire that got Kirby sent away, but she also manipulated Kirby’s therapist into giving Kirby hypnotherapy and then reporting back to her. Sure, it backfired. But Alexis isn’t afraid of giving felony a go, you know?
I’ll also give Alexis another honourable mention for best line with this matter-of-fact quip early on: “Every despicable human was once an innocent baby.” Damn, Dynasty. That’s some philosophical shit, hunty.
With Brian Krause now in the CW stable, I’m going to be expecting a Charmed cameo.
Oh, and Fallon may be able to keep her hands off Liam. But given the chance, I can assure you I would not make the same mistake.