Dynasty Season 2 Episode 2 – TV Review

Dynasty Ship of Vipers Steven reaction face

And Steven looks super handsome.

I’m ready to call it: Dynasty is reaching Gossip Girl Season 2 levels of fabulosity.

Sending Fallon to New York was the on-the-nose push I needed.

TL;DR Fallon deals with sexual harassment from Uncle Moneybags and bitchiness from his wife while trying to close the deal; and then he fucking dies; Blake has a Hot Wheels car race with Jeff for ownership of an actual car; Sam and Alexis wrongly accuse Kelly Rutherford of faking her pregnancy; Kirby manipulates Fallon into a catfight at the opening of Monica’s new nightclub.

There isn’t a single element of that TL;DR that isn’t pure perfection.

Oh mon dieux, where to even begin? We’ll start with Fallon, who is doing a good job of schmoozing Liam’s family in New York until his bitchy aunt Maura, Uncle Moneybags’ wife, publicly denounces Fallon (Maura, too, has beef with the Carringtons). Uncle Moneybags adds more tension when he sexually propositions Fallon, her obvious refusal of which puts the deal on shaky ground. Fallon tries to talk to Maura, but she serves a side of idiocy with her bitchiness, so Fallon makes the only right decision: she hires a hooker who resembles her to dupe-boink Uncle Moneybags. Meanwhile, Monica is preparing to open up her new nightclub (the one Fallon funded). Monica is no fan of Kirby, who’s staying with and banging Jeff, but Kirby does step in and sabotages a rival nightclub by planting rats in it. She’s Australian. We’re dirty. When Fallon shows up at the nightclub opening and sees Kirby wearing some of her stolen clothes, they get into a stair-tumbling catfight, leading to Monica angrily throwing Fallon’s money back in her face, and Kirby proclaiming that this is just the first attack on her journey to totally destroy Fallon’s life. Meanwhile, Alexis worms her way into Sam’s ear with her doubts about Kelly Rutherford’s pregnancy. Clues indicate she may not even be knocked up, so they break into her house and find a false baby bump. They then accuse her at a pregnancy meditation class at Carrington Manor (because why not?), but everything was a big misunderstanding and now Steven is mad at Sam. Aww. Alexis also buys more time from Hank’s blackmail. Meanwhile, Blake is making good on his vow to spend all his money, and is after a particular rare car. Jeff buys it before Blake can, so Blake issues a challenge to race for it. Using Hot Wheels cars. Blake loses the race, but he does later find Cristal 2.0 waiting for him back at home with claims she knew Cristal. The episode ends as Kirby’s celebrations about a job well done fucking over Fallon are rained on by her arrest for assault; Cristal 2.0 claims she wants to help Blake; and Fallon gets a call from her hooker that Uncle Moneybags died during their sex.

Oh. Mon. Dieux.

You know, it genuinely hurts me to think that there are Gossip Girl fans out there who haven’t discovered the majesty of Dynasty, yet. I know a couple personally that, despite my recommendations, won’t give it a go.

Those bitches are missing out.

 

Why I hate this episode:

In an episode of otherwise pure, gay gold, my only genuine problem was bitchy Maura. For someone as haughty and forthright as she is, her willingness to believe her husband’s claims that Fallon is the one who propositioned him is laughable. If you’re gonna be That Bitch, and in public, no less, I’m gonna want you to have a couple of functioning brain cells to go with it.

Oh, and Cristal 2.0 gets a second episode in a row where she appears and acts valuable to the plot, but doesn’t actually do anything.

 

But it’s not all bad:

To be fair, though, there wasn’t enough room for her. And she is at least not playing the “I’m actually Cristal” card; she merely says she was friends with Cristal, and has some vague offer to help Blake.

Blake definitely doesn’t need her help in being a glamorous dumpster fire, though. Blake starts his episode by announcing over the breakfast table (Fallon joins via video call) that he will indeed be spending all his money. He’s cutting everyone out of his will, and anything he doesn’t spend will be buried with him. It’s not often a straight, white male earns themselves a “yass, queen.” But I said one for Blake.

Alexis also takes this moment to rub up on him, making their sex known. I love it.

Blake’s subplot reaches near-legendary status when his race challenge to Jeff pans out to be a Hot Wheels track. And there’s even a crowd with people placing bets and everything. The fact that Dynasty takes this completely seriously (just like parrot guy from last episode) shows how confident the show is in its identity.

Fallon’s time in New York gives us all that Gossip Girl realness, including ludicrous sexual situations, walks through Central Park, and hostile brunches. I was absolutely living for Fallon’s red vinyl overcoat day wear with red leather beret. And the fact that she just happens to have a friend in New York who is a madame through whom she can order the hooker is genius.

Fallon’s disgust at both the proposition from Uncle Moneybags, and when she’s enduring him while she preps him for the hooker, was reassuring. Fallon doesn’t need to sink to those kind of tactics. Despite what Maura thinks.

I didn’t expect for Uncle Moneybags to die, but as soon as Fallon got that call from the scared hooker, my heart fluttered and I screamed in joy that Dynasty was going there. Trash it up, baby.

The greatest trash of all for the episode, though, is without a doubt the Kirby catfight. Fallon may be above whoring herself out, but she’s not above going in on a bitch. Kirby’s decision to lay out her evil plan upfront is also a refreshing change of pace from the typical soap opera template. And it’s off to a successful start, as Monica’s newly healed friendship with Fallon is burned by the ruckus at the nightclub opening.

Kirby’s celebration is hilariously shortlived when the police show up to arrest her. A nice dose of reality for her.

Liam doesn’t get a lot to do this episode, but it’s clear he’s still hurting from Fallon’s romantic rejection. Hang in there, buddy. Let’s make that shower threesome a reality before you clear out.

Black Driver is also remaining steadfast in his support of Fallon. No jealousy here.

Alexis and Sam’s spy games with Kelly Rutherford are fairly harmless, but Sam does make a good, gullible victim for Alexis’ pettiness. She thinks Kelly is pouncing on Steven for money, as apparently Kelly will be getting nothing in her divorce from her senator husband.

Alexis gets the episode’s best line when she confronts Kelly at the meditation class with this unambitious, but expertly delivered zinger: “The jig is up, you lying bitch!” If every episode could feature Alexis calling someone a bitch after breaking into their house while wearing a giant ponytail, I’d be set.

Nicolette Sheridan is second billed in the updated opening credits. So she’s here to stay, gurl. Rejoice!

Alexis buys time from Hank by giving him a Rembrandt as collateral. He’s too dumb to understand how collateral works, so after some attempts to get through to him, Alexis just leaves him in a huff. Always more of this, Dynasty. The comedy is key.

Oh, and when Kirby confronts Fallon on the stairs, she says “I’m back.” I think I would have literally come if she’d added a “bitches” onto the end of that.

Dynasty Ship of Vipers Kirby stairs

What about pets?

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: