Heathers Season 1 Episode 10 – TV Review
Yeah, mate. I’m over it.
I kept trying to give Heathers a fair go. And to be fair, it wasn’t all bad.
But goddamn, way to be all bluster and controversy, and then have nothing to actually back it up.
This is just like that stupid Seth Rogen in North Korea movie. Except that wasn’t ten fucking episodes long.
TL;DR Everyone converges at Prom; Veronica initially tries to thwart JD’s massacre plans, but ends up being the one to ensure the bomb goes off because Heather Chandler is annoying to her; everyone dies except for Heather Chandler, and they go to Heaven; except Veronica and JD, who cry alone in some kind of purgatory or whatever.
You mean to say that being an omnicidal cunt doesn’t get you into Heaven? That’s crazy.
So yes, mawma, it’s time for the Heathers the TV Series prom. And to Heathers’ credit, it does look flashy and fancy. At Prom, JD reveals his plans to blow up everyone and then post his edited video about Heaven to make it look like mass suicide as some kind of statement to wake up the sheeple of the world. Veronica agrees with me that this is super basic and embarrassing, and is about to blow up (ah ha!) his spot, but then Heather Chandler accosts her and goes on an embarrassingly long monologue about how she will always be the most important thing in everyone’s pathetic little lives. This is enough for Veronica to now see the toxic society JD was blah-ing about, so she’s back in on the plan to set off the bomb. But uh oh, another high school prom nearby has just been shot up by a mass shooter. JD tries to back out of the plan so they don’t get lost in the news shuffle, but Veronica wants this season to be goddamn over, and they get in a shootout, eventually ending with both of them being mortally wounded, and the bomb countdown back on. Luckily for Heather Chandler, she is ejected from Prom by the teachers due to her skirt length (after a Cher-esque outfit change. I just wanted a chance to mention Cher), and is the only student survivor. She is at first pleased that she’s the star of the quickly-descending news crews, but her final moment in the series instead sees her frustrated that Veronica, as the mastermind of the mass suicide, is the name on everyone’s lips. Meanwhile, all our dead characters convene in Heaven (the real one this time) for some last second cameos. But things aren’t so rosy for our two mass murderers, who don’t get fabulous white outfits, and who can’t interact with anyone in Heaven, or even see or hear each other. The season closes as Veronica and JD mope after being locked out of Heaven, and I mourn the utter wasted potential of this once-promising show.
Oh, and there’s also a hilariously optimistic sequel tease for a Heathers Season 2 set in the French Revolution. Really, guys?
So that’s it for Heathers the TV Series. Sure, it was angry and loud and colourful. But it wasn’t about anything. What was the point of it all?
Any social commentary it tried to bring up was either on the back of a character who was a literal mass murderer, or if it had any merit, it would be quickly undercut by a throwaway joke.
Not even the characters within this fictional world have any consistency. I didn’t think poor Grace Victoria Cox could end up with a character even more nebulous and arbitrary in their characterisation than Melanie from Under the Dome. But along came Veronica Sawyer.
Again: what a waste.
Why I hate this episode:
Veronica was the biggest thorn in Heathers’ side. The show never did decide whether she was a hero or a villain, and this episode is the perfect encapsulation of that. Veronica, following on from her trend over the last few episodes, begins as a rational, decent person who sensibly wants to put a stop to JD’s plans to kill everyone. But a mere boastful monologue from Heather Chandler, whose words she should not value and who she has already distanced herself from, instead puts her back above JD in the crazy stakes, and motivates her to complete the mission. Even when JD had decided to back out. Who is Veronica Sawyer, Heathers? Did you ever know? Because you certainly didn’t show it to us.
Heather Chandler is surprisingly marginalised in this last hurrah, but she also falls victim to inconsistent characterisation. After her humbling a couple of episodes ago, and some seeming genuine conflict of emotion following Duke’s death last episode, she’s back to being a smug, ultra cunt for no real reason. Other than motivating Veronica to commit mass murder, of course. Because the plot says so. Heather Chandler ends the series in exactly the same frame of mind as she began it. Except now she’s slightly less famous (sure, being referred to as “friend of Veronica” by the news is a blow to the ego, but you’re still the sole survivor. There will be more interviews).
Heathers never paid off on its attempts at social commentary about SJW-ism or political correctness. That was the true point of difference in the first episode, and the show never used it again.
The show does try to drop an eleventh hour “why doesn’t anyone listen to the children” anvil, as Thigh Gap Boy overhears the bombing plans and tries to warn the teachers. He is quickly dismissed, and the scene is trying to have some semblance of poignancy. But once the bomb’s gone off, the teachers discuss this warning and if anything could have been done, and then undercut things with a joke and that’s that. What was the point?
Heather Chandler’s monologue about how everyone at the school will go on to live their lives forever with her in the back of their minds is overly grandiose and absurd, even by the standards set by this show. Shut the fuck up.
Betty shows up at Prom all kitted out in military gear and on the warpath to take out JD, but she is distracted by compliments from Chandler and then doesn’t appear again until she’s dead and in Heaven. Have I mentioned yet that this show is wasteful?
Oh, and when dying, JD and Veronica declare their love for each other. Why tho?
But it’s not all bad:
They do shoot the fuck out of each other, though. There’s no hesitation. They just straight-up shoot each other to (slow) death. Veronica also makes a cute callback to the teachers being given guns, as she has to steal one from a teacher’s desk.
And I’m glad Veronica and JD both died and got locked out of Heaven. The closing moments of them forlorn and forsaken were not emotionally powerful, and were a letdown as far as final shots go, but any unhappiness inflicted upon those two dipshits is welcome.
Although it conflicts with the not-bad-anymore narrative Veronica built up following the murder of that molesting teacher, I’m glad it ended up being Veronica who was the more psychopathic of the two. That was a plot thread that showed some promise earlier in the season, so I was happy it came back for the finale.
JD, too, finds some shred of rationality amid the dullness of his ravings when he decides to call off the bombing due to the mass shooting at the other high school. He may be a Psychology 101 dickhead, but he’s right that the news cycle does have priorities.
Heathers may have been a disaster in the writers’ room, but the production design, cinematography and editing are relentlessly impressive. The opening scene of Veronica, Chandler, and JD intercut in their limos with harsh lighting was delicious. And the Prom didn’t look cheap.
Everyone makes it back for the finale, too, so Heathers didn’t cheap out there, either. There’s Betty’s long-awaited return, as well as all the dead characters’ cameos in the Heaven scene. It was lovely to see Kurt and Ram’s wholesome faces again. And Duke and McNamara’s reunion was sweet. Even Shannen Doherty gets a final look-in when JD imagines her as taking his picture before leaving for Prom.
Heather Chandler’s ejection from Prom for her change-of-outfit’s skirt length was a slick callback to the discussion about skirt length last episode. So when it comes to plot contrivances, I’ll allow it. If anyone was going to be the sole survivor of the Heathers reboot, it is poetic that it would be Heather Chandler.
Veronica’s prom dress is simultaneously rad and hideous, with this asymmetrical mish-mash of red and leopard print. Heather Chandler even berates her for wearing red, because that’s Chandler’s colour, bitch. And I kind of loved it.
Oh, but it’s Chandler’s show when it comes to Prom dresses, baby. She even pairs this pristine gold number with a matching sceptre. If Heathers the TV Series is remembered for nothing else, it should be remembered for the lewks. PLL could never.