Dynasty Season 1 Episode 15 – TV Review

Dynasty Our Turn Now Fallon Cristal wedding aisle

By their powers combined, they are Captain SoapNet.

I’m starting to think that Dynasty is being made exclusively for the gays.

The quantity of yass, queen-ing, finger snapping, tongue-popping moments in this episode alone is ridiculous.

And I am here for it, honey.

TL;DR Fallon proceeds with her sham wedding to Jeff and comes out on top; she and Cristal also pull one over on an increasingly unsympathetic Blake; Steven decides to throw caution to the wind and be with Sam; Grandpa Carrington returns for the wedding, but gets accidentally caught in Cecil’s revenge throes and dies. Maybe.

And as this is a dishy soap, he has dying breath secrets to divulge. Vaguely.

So oh em fucking gee, this episode is everything. We’ll start with the main plot, which sees Fallon continuing with the wedding charade with encouragement from Blake who is more than happy to put Fallon in harm’s way while he hires a team to destroy Jeff’s home server, and the supposed stolen Carrington secrets within. Cristal has also been alerted to the plan and is disgusted for Fallon, but Steven has been kept out of the loop to protect him. That’s fine. Cristal calls in Grandpa Carrington in an attempt to have him chew Blake out enough to call it off, but he defects. However, despite the whole Colby family being villainous snakes, it’s actually Blake who emerges as the true villain here, as Fallon disintegrates under the pressure and the disappointment of her fairytale wedding day being nothing more than some stupid damage control bullshit to save her dad’s company. But in a delicious, sister solidarity twist, Fallon uses Cristal’s COO powers to sign a proposal Jeff had given her: to exchange for control of the company Jeff and Fallon built, as well as 25% of Jeff’s own company, for 25% of Carrington Atlantic. The catch? Jeff’s part was an unconditional gift, whereas the CA handover only happens when he and Fallon are legally married. Which, despite the ceremony being completed, is illegal. Because Fallon married a random stranger off the street the night before. Boom, bitch. Jeff seethes in defeat, while Monica, having earlier almost abandoned the plan to come clean to Fallon, seems grateful to be done with it. Cecil, however, is not as soft in his approach. He spends his episode trying to poison Blake to death (Jeff, thankfully, intervenes), and with the utter defeat Fallon doles out, he grabs a gun and tries to do things a bit more directly. Sadly, he instead stumbles upon Grandpa, who promptly has a heart attack. Our heroes find him just in time for him to whisper dying breath secrets about how Blake never cheated on Alexis, and what Blake did to Cecil was to protect Grandpa. Or so it seems. Meanwhile, Cristal’s problem with Journo is handled offscreen by Blake, but Cristal’s still miffed that Blake tried to whore her out. Meanwhile, Fallon, prior to marrying Random Handsome Man, proposes marriage to Black Driver, who is disgusted to find out it was motivated mainly by scheming. And if that all wasn’t enough, Steven and Sam get some minor subplot time, too. Steven is resistant to be with Sam because of Ted, and because of Sam’s illegal immigrant status. But after Sam foolishly tries to rub a wedding date in his face (set up by Fallon, and who turns out to be the very much straight Random Handsome Man), Steven and Sam realise what they have together and reunite. But before croaking, Grandpa thought he’d have one final power play and calls the immigration authorities.

To be generous, I’d like to say that he did that only to eliminate Sam in the interest of protecting Steven’s political career. But let’s be real: Grandpa Carrington is probably super racist.

I mean, this episode is basically all my gay heart could want. And after the disappointing, sputtering end to this season’s Drag Race All Stars, it was a welcome reprieve.

The only thing that could have sent this episode even further into the stratosphere would have been a dramatic entrance by Alexis. But honestly, with all that was already here, she would have just gotten in the way.

We need Fallon and Cristal to properly bond before we shove an Alexis Carrington-sized wrench into this mother/daughter dynamic.


Why I hate this episode:

Cristal is slipping out of co-lead status at this point. I hope that this is only because of the current arc, because Cristal did get a lot of play with Nick Wechsler and Iris/Alejandro stuff. But I don’t want to see this trend continue.

The Journo stuff being handled offscreen is also kind of lame. Why bother introducing that if you weren’t going to use it?

Random Handsome Man aka Liam is very good looking, but I get the vibe that he might be sticking around. And if so, what a bizarre way to introduce a character. This could be redeemed if it turns out he planned to meet Fallon like that and is actually after her money or something, because I didn’t see a pre-nup in Fallon’s hands at that courthouse, gurl.

Oh, and although it makes sense when we find out why Fallon wanted to finish the wedding ceremony, I was aghast when Blake got up to do his time-stalling objection during the Speak Nows, and she immediately shut him down. You don’t not listen to a Speak Nows rant in a soap opera wedding, Fallon. That’s just, like, the rules of feminism.


But it’s not all bad:

Oh, but her reason was so goddamn good. Not only did the wedding serve as the necessary distraction for Blake’s team to get into Jeff’s server as arranged, but Fallon blew everyone out of the water with her scheme to take her business back, too. Yes. Bitch. Marry that dude and take your company, and a quarter of his. Then throwing a new sham husband in your other supposed-to-be-sham husband’s face? Fuck yeah.

What makes this moment even more effective is the scheme team-up of Fallon and Cristal. And while this would have been good enough if it had been purely pragmatic, Dynasty proves that the emotional beats it sometimes suffered through setting up earlier in the season were not for nothing. Cristal’s comforting of Fallon before the ceremony felt genuine. Blake had been a real dick to both of them and had proven he was content to use them. So why not turn the tables and wield his precious Carrington Atlantic as a weapon in their own game? Sister solidarity, yo.

The culmination of this is when Cristal takes Blake’s place as Fallon’s companion to walk down the aisle. It felt so fucking right. I choose to believe that Dynasty is trying to reposition them as best buds (hopefully still sometimes of the vitriolic variety) in preparation for Alexis’ arrival; our true villain.

Unless our true villain is, indeed, Blake. Jeff seems to be deflating this episode, especially now that he’s realised what a crazy cuckoo cunt Cecil is. But Blake is there puffing his chest and ordering the women in his life around. The wheel is turning.

Even gun-toting Cecil is horrified when he accidentally causes Grandpa Carrington’s heart attack. He and Jeff flee the scene to escape blame, so I suspect the Colby family aren’t finished with us just yet. But wouldn’t it be so juicy if everything had been leading up to the Carrington patriarchs being the real Big Bads?

Or even juicier: Alexis arriving and engaging Blake in a Villain Civil War? Oh my god, the suds. They’d be overwhelming.

Fallon picks up the best line of the episode with this denouncement of Jeff’s attacks on her, which carries both the requisite soap opera melodrama, but also a sincere, heartbroken sadness:
Jeff: “Your father; your family destroyed mine.”
Fallon: “Even if that were true, what did I ever do to you?”
She’s got you there, fuckhead. Even “let’s try to murder Blake twice in one episode” Cecil had qualms about heaping revenge against Blake on Fallon. You suck, Jeff.

Jeff’s one moment in the episode worthy of praise is when he stops his father from murdering Blake with poison. He’s rightfully taken aback, because damn, dad, we didn’t come here to kill anyone. Monica would agree.

Safely away from all this drama, though, there is Sam and Steven. With Fallon and Black Driver now on the outs again, it seems Sam and Steven are our requisite dependable couple. While I question the wisdom of Steven’s choice to so quickly be abandoning his public narrative with Ted, and his high profile will undoubtedly draw scrutiny to Sam, they’re just so wholesome together.

Oh, and it just goes to show how impressive this episode is, because it took me until this far down to mention Fallon’s lewks this week. In addition to her very ritzy wedding dress, she also dons this almost-too-fabulous-to-believe white ensemble (with hat and gloves!) to her City Hall walk with Black Driver. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t give snaps to her as-always slaying day wear. I’m still not crash hot on the hair, but the below number screams 80s queen bee bitch. And this is Dynasty, after all.

Dynasty Our Turn Now Fallon day wear

Just kidding. I actually really liked the pilot episode.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Dynasty Season 1 Episode 15 – TV Review”

  1. Anonymous says :

    i just saw the next episode and jumped right here… but the review is not yet out… i can’t wait omg is going to be amazing to read!!

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