Dynasty Season 1 Episode 13 – TV Review

Dynasty Nothing But Trouble Fallon red dress

Aaron Samuels isn’t the only one whose hair looks sexy pushed back.

Fake shivvings, busted wedding proposal scams, and surprise nightclub purchases aren’t even at the top of this episode’s Most Salacious list.

Dynasty, you are a crafty bitch.

TL;DR Jeff and Monica enact their plans to get their father parole, and have Fallon marry Jeff; Fallon accepts, but also catches onto the scheme (enter: counter-scheming); Steven begins his political ambitions with some grateful help from Cristal; Blake fails to keep Jeff’s father in prison with a faked attack on a prison guard; Steven’s druggo ex-boyfriend turns up to kill himself and say Sam did it.

He even rips out Sam’s earring. Are we sure this isn’t an episode of a Bravo reality show?

Good grief, where to begin? We’ll start with Fallon, who is riding obliviously high on Monica’s renewed friendship, and an offer from Jeff for her to buy out his portion of their company. She seems to be falling for their schemes, even going far enough to buy Monica a nightclub they used to like, and accept a sudden marriage proposal from Jeff. But thanks to Sam’s ineptitude with the office phone redirections, she accidentally receives Jeff’s messages, and learns about his plan with Monica to take her down. She runs to Black Driver, who has been suspicious of them all episode, and together they begin to formulate their counter-scheme. I’m here for it. Meanwhile, Jeff and Monica’s quest for their father to get parole is muddied when Blake has Alan Dale pay off a prison guard to shiv himself and say Daddy did it. The parole board votes against his release, but Jeff whores himself out to the woman who makes the final say, and he gets out. Cristal finds out about the shivving through the grapevine and confronts Blake, but he reveals that he didn’t actually sleep with Daddy’s wife back in the day, and that Daddy is a would-be murderer or something. An evil glint from Daddy after his release seems to confirm that story. But Cristal is beginning to simmer in her own dirty water, as she macks all over that journalist friend of hers out of fucking nowhere. And he’s actually partially in Jeff’s pocket, as Jeff is the one who tried to feed him the bribery story about the senator last episode. Phew. And we’re not done yet, as Steven spends his episode shaping up his political career by having to first realise he’ll need to own all his past indiscretions. He starts with reaching out to ex-boyfriend Ted, who it turns out isn’t as sober as he proclaimed, or as over Steven as he proclaimed, and who snatches the wig off the end of the episode by going all “if I can’t have him” on Sam and jumping out of their apartment building to make it look like he pushed him.

I knew moving out would be a bad idea, you guys. This wouldn’t have happened at Carrington Manor.

So goddamn, Dynasty has stepped up its shit. And this episode isn’t even a party episode. It’s incredible.

That fringe on Fallon, though. Bitch needs to keep it pushed back.


Why I hate this episode:

Although Fallon’s red dress at the nightclub is divine, Monica again has a better dress. I guess Dynasty decided that if Monica’s going to be a one-note bitch, then at least she’ll look fabulous doing it. But Fallon, our lead, deserves better

The only real black eye on the episode is the incongruous moment when Cristal mashes face with her journalist friend. Apart from her dalliance with Nick Wechsler, which was seemingly genuine in its emotion, Cristal has been thus far established as also genuine with Blake, and properly in love with him. So to see her all up on Journo out of nowhere was jarring. I do hope that it’s going somewhere.

Oh, and if this past drama between Blake and Daddy doesn’t precipitate the coming of Alexis (she would have been around then, right?), then I don’t care.


But it’s not all bad:

What if it turns out that Blake didn’t sleep with Daddy’s wife, but that Daddy slept with Alexis? I would be living.

In fact, I already am living. My first climax was when Fallon came to Black Driver with the phone message proof that he was right about Jeff. I was hugely disappointed that she’d fallen for his bullshit proposal, so to have that whiplash of a turn around was everything I needed. I came. And the fact that it was brought on by Sam’s established mistakes at the office was very efficient writing.

But it turns out Dynasty wasn’t ready to call it a night, yet, as the soapiest surprise was saved for last. Thank you, Ted, for being the coked-out gremlin we didn’t know we needed. I was living while Ted was dying.

And could this finally be the kickstart Steven and/or Sam’s need to get a subplot that doesn’t suck? Face it: were you really invested in Steven’s run for office? Or in Sam’s running of an office?

Cristal, however, is apparently invested in Steven’s ambitions, though. Up until she spoiled it by mouth-humping Journo, I found her enthusiasm in becoming Steven’s de facto campaign manager to be really sweet. She’s not like a regular stepmum. She’s a cool stepmum.

Blake and Alan Dale get sideline this episode, I suspect largely due to there simply being not enough room, but I do like a good paid-off prison guard.

Black Driver earns some points for being the first one to suspect Jeff and Monica have cruel intentions. And I will grudgingly concede that when he admitted his love for Fallon later that my cold, dead heart did flutter a little. Sure, his characteristics are still mainly “is handsome” and “doesn’t like Jeff,” but if you can add “loves Fallon” to that, then I’m sure he can grow from here.

I’m not mad that Jeff whored his dad’s freedom out of that lonely public servant woman. Hooking isn’t only for female characters, these days.

Oh, and although I’m mad that Fallon continues to be the lesser dressed of her and Monica, that doesn’t doesn’t mean I’m mad at the outfit.

Dynasty Nothing But Trouble Monica dress

I’ve really got to stop watching Drag Race before writing these posts.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

4 responses to “Dynasty Season 1 Episode 13 – TV Review”

  1. The Dark Lord says :

    U ok?

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