Ciao, 2017 – Blog
Cheryl will always do red on red.
Which is one of the few constants of 2017.
What I won’t miss about 2017:
2017 was a year, for me, marked by conclusions. And you know what I won’t miss, now that it’s dead? Fucking PLL. I mean, I couldn’t be more thankful that it’s gone. But Jesus fucking Christ, I won’t miss it. Fuck off and fuck you forever, you complete disaster.
Arrow also sadly falls into this camp, because although it isn’t finished yet, I’m certainly done with it. It’s disgusting that on the CW, the network built on soap operas, that the two bona fide soap operas currently on the network (Riverdale and Dynasty) have less grating and baffling romance plots than the show that brought action to the CW. Olicity is death.
Speaking of shows that are still limping on, what happened, OUaT? You could have saved yourself with something new in this belief-defying seventh season renewal. But instead, you keep revisiting everything that doesn’t work. And the things that do work are just things you stole from Season 1. Just die, already.
I won’t miss the fact that I didn’t post a single movie review this year. Because even the biggest and brightest blockbuster fare is all just so samey. Sure, Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 and Spiderman: Homecoming were cute, but I’d forgotten about them until I went to write this post. Thor: Ragnarok was fun, but was it actually about anything? And then there’s Justice League, a nebulous, contract-obligated churn that didn’t even have the audacity to be the recklessly self-assured travesty of BvS. More than once I stepped out of a theatre this year thinking “who cares?”
I still get intermittently furious about how smarmy and greasy 13 Reasons Why was.
Baywatch made a movie about Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron’s shirtlessness unsexy and unfunny. How did you manage that?
What the fuck, The Snowman?
Oh, and although it was heavily planned out in advance and the finale was suitably stirring, 2017 will always have to be remembered as the year Bates Motel‘s flame went out. And that’s worth being sad about.
But it wasn’t all bad, so I’ll miss:
What a finale, though. In a year marked by conclusion, Bates Motel rallied from its Season 4 slump and delivered a memorable, earned final shot. I recently remembered that The Commuter is coming out soon, and just the few moments of Vera Farmiga in that trailer have convinced me to go see it at the cinemas, Australian ticket prices be damned.
The Vampire Diaries also came to an end this year. And say what you will about the patchiness of its post-Elena run (and I certainly did), I’ll always be grateful that Katherine showed up for the farewell. Even when TVD wasn’t good, it was still solid; it was my CW rock. You will be missed.
Much like OUaT, The Originals probably should have come to its end this year, too. But with a shock fifth and final season renewal, I’d like to believe that the middling bungle of Season 4 can be redeemed.
Can you believe it hasn’t even been a full year since Riverdale first came into our lives? If this luscious, absorbing teen soap is any indication, the future is bright for the new generation of CW shows. God bless the abs of Archie Andrews.
Dynasty is the only new show on my roster this year, and it’s still finding its feet. It’s no fucking Riverdale, but if the fashion can keep stepping its pussy up, and the catfights continue, then I think we’re in for a wild ride. But maybe not a very long one (sorry, but you know it’s true).
While big blockbuster movies often hit the middle this year, it was a true surprise that DC somehow managed to give us Wonder Woman. I’ve seen it four times now, and unlike poor Beauty and the Beast on subsequent viewings, it just keeps on holding up. Every time Diana says fuck you guys, I’m doing something, and walks onto that battlefield, it fills me with hope.
Blade Runner 2049 has now codified what an artist Denis Villeneuve is. I am actually ashamed that I didn’t even mention Arrival during my anniversary post this year.
As for shows I didn’t review, let’s pour one out for Blood Drive. Nothing else I’ve seen this year (maybe even moreso than Riverdale) was as complete and successful as this little Syfy show. I won’t cry any tears for Dark Matter’s mercy killing, but fuck you Syfy for cancelling this. And poor Christina Ochoa. Valor was a rough consolation prize.
Still speaking of Syfy, I’d like to give a shout out to Wynonna Earp’s second season. This is progressive feminism in action, people.
Oh, and whenever I’m feeling down, I watch the Oscars Best Picture debacle. Not because Moonlight was really that good (it was fine), but because I loathed La La Land.
So there you go. You can end the year with me taking a much-belated dig at La La Land to prove that I am the predictable contrarian arsehole you knew I was. And that’s what I’m here for.