Dynasty Season 1 Episode 6 – TV Review

Dynasty I Exist Only For Me Fallon bathroom blowjob

But it can buy you a caped dress.

It’s a good thing Dynasty recently got picked up for a network television pace-killing twenty-two episode full season.

Because if filler this blatant was part of only a thirteen episoder, it wouldn’t be cute.

TL;DR Dynasty puts everyone on pointless busy work duty; Fallon’s business and romantic relationships slowly inch along; Cristal and Sam both get stuck babysitting an unstable (and, sadly, still alive) Claudia; Steven’s subplot is so dull I legitimately forgot about it within only a day of watching the episode, and only just remembered it as I was writing this post.

I was going to say that Steven didn’t appear this week until about thirty seconds ago. Yeesh.

So, tragically, Claudia survived Blake’s mow-down from last episode. And without any serious injuries. But she is surprise soap opera pregnant, which sends Cristal’s guilt into overdrive and she invites Claudia to rest and recover at Carrington Manor. Surprisingly, Cristal actually prioritises work when it comes up, which means Sam gets to mainly babysit her. Their at-home shopping montage is pretty cute, though. What isn’t cute is Claudia’s mounting psychotic behaviour, culminating in her trying to fuck Blake in the bath by posing as Cristal, and then claiming she didn’t know what was going on. When Sam and Cristal close out the episode by discovering her brain injury medication has been tampered with, things start to make sense. But, like, it’s Claudia. Who cares? Meanwhile, Fallon desperately announces she’s throwing a business launch party to make Jeff stop whingeing about her lack of commitment. She is forced to invite and impress some tech nerds she once threatened to destroy back in the day, and has to also endure Black Driver showing up with Councilwoman on his arm. She does the right thing, though, and gets wasted and pretends to give Black Driver a bathroom blowjob and then go on an insult spree against the tech nerds. But it’s okay, because Black Driver is able to convince Councilwoman nothing happened (because it didn’t), and the nerds actually appreciated Fallon’s harsh “advice.” And she and Jeff also become sort of official? Meanwhile, Blake takes Steven on a tour of a boxing gym the Carrington Foundation sponsors. It’s largely inconsequential, until Steven discovers that the gym is only receiving a quarter of the yearly donations Blake is giving them, and Corrupt Cop may be involved.

But where’s Alexis?

Alexis gets namedropped again, and is still yet to show up. And I know that Dynasty didn’t originally have twenty-two episodes in the bag, so I can’t accept that they were making the intentional play to wait it out.

We need some bitchitude back in this shit.

I don’t care about Fallon’s relationship status with Jeff from school.

More catfights. Now.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Jeff and Black Driver are just so bland as love interests. Their only qualities remain as “handsome” and “Blake is not a fan.” Dynasty needs to be spicier, dammit.

In fact, it really did start to occur to me that the spice that made me sing Dynasty’s praises after the so-so pilot seems to be fading away. This episode brought back to mind the dreadful Blood & Oil comparisons. You need to escape this swamp immediately, Dynasty. With fashion and catfights. I’m telling you.

Speaking of fashion, Fallon’s green party dress is disappointingly meh. Yeah, it’s got a cape, but the hair is nothing to write home about and that shade of green? Why? A dull outfit could have been saved with a shove into a fountain, Dynasty. Just fyi.

And the conga line of guilt and rejection that was building for Fallon (and in my mind, leading to Alexis’ summoning) comes to a screeching halt this episode. Her antics at the party seem to be heading in that direction, with her near-sexual assault of Black Driver and her dressing down of the two nerds. But at the end of the day (well, the next morning), we learn that she secured the nerds’ business, and Jeff is happy with her and asking her to stay with him. So she’s back on top with the business, her business partner, and now that she’s got Jeff her desperation over Black Driver doesn’t hit as hard. You were working towards something, show. And now you’ve abandoned it.

Things aren’t much sunnier over at the manor with the Babysitting Claudia subplot. Claudia is very much overstaying her welcome at this point. And considering she’s not only got a brain injury, but we learn she’s also being dosed with pills to make her even crazier, the antics aren’t wacky enough. All she does is manipulate Blake into giving her some clothes, make a not-that-insane offer to Cristal to ask her to help raise Nick Wechsler’s baby, and then the clichè attempt to bone Blake in the bathtub. Which she immediately backpedals on. Be braver, Dynasty.

Also, revealing that Claudia was acting strange due to being drugged rather than her own nefarious scheming was weak. When she made the play with the “your dog ate my pills oh no I guess you’ll have to leave me alone in the house while you take him to the vet” card, I predicted she was up to something. But nuh, this only happened so the vet could test the pills the dog ate. Missed opportunity.

Oh, and who cares about Corrupt Cop embezzling money or whatever? I know I was asking for Steven to have non-Sam subplots, but this? This doesn’t lead to a catfight.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Sam reaps the benefits of having a subplot independent of Steven, though. The only time this episode I felt the show’s budget wasn’t stranglingly tight was during the goofy shopping montage for him and Claudia. Of course, they do recycle the manor set by having it be shopping that’s brought to them. But that makes sense for rich people, right?

And Claudia looks damn fine all glammed up.

She also manages to scheme her way into Cristal’s closet, and when Blake crashes the party, guilts him into letting her keep what she’s tried on. I know it was the pills talking, but I can respect some good grifting when it happens.

The one enjoyably crazy moment of Claudia’s stay is when she becomes enraged at Cristal, ranting about how Nick had planned to leave her and be with Cristal, and she throws a vase against a wall. Sam thinks that the fact it was a crystal vase is meaningful. I lol’d.

Our Dynasty slapstick moment of the week, however, goes to the trustworthy Fallon. Her exaggerated mouth wipe after leaving the bathroom with Black Driver isn’t technically slapstick, but it is physical humour, so I’ll count it. And I’ll give points to Councilwoman for not being a stupid soap opera character and promptly believing Black Driver when he says Fallon’s making it up.

Fallon doesn’t need the excuse of being drunk to be mean, but I won’t turn down a mean Fallon.

Jeff’s sister has this slinky black dress with hulking shoulder pads on at the party. Fallon should have demanded swapsies.

Oh, and maybe Fallon should have gone to Claudia for some style tips? She cleans up good.

Dynasty I Exist Only For Me Claudia makeover

I’m starting to think Sam was never suited to the Latin Lover role, and we’ve been missing out on a perfectly competent Yass Queen-ing GBF this whole time.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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  1. Dynasty Season 1 Episode 7 – TV Review | I Just Hate Everything - December 6, 2017

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