Once Upon a Time Season 7 Episode 5 – TV Review

OUaT Greenbacks Adelaide Kane

Come on, Season 7. Let’s get slightly more interesting.

Step aside, Victoria.

No, seriously. You’re an embarrassment.

TL;DR Adelaide Kane shapes up to be more dangerous than her pathetic mother; because she’s playing everyone, and actually knows she’s Drizella; Sabine and Jacinda fight about a pastry business, but things work out okay; Rogers inches along with his missing girl investigation; the flashbacks show how Tiana came to be a princess of the people.

And she didn’t even have to become a frog this time. I mean, I haven’t actually seen The Princess and the Frog, but that’s what it was about, right?

So we’ll actually start with the flashbacks, as they’re pretty simple. Tiana’s mother is in financial dire straits, so Tiana sets out to find a prince to woo to save her wealth. She encounters the villain from The Princess and the Frog, who I will call Papa Tunde because although I haven’t seen TPatF, I have seen The Originals, who points her in the right direction. Except he doesn’t, and the prince turns out to be a frog-turned-human who needs to steal a gem from Tiana so Papa Tunde will release his abducted frog lover. Tiana sets aside her pride and helps, pissing Papa Tunde off in the process, and resolves to petition the king at the ball to be better to his people. Aww. Meanwhile in the present, Sabine (Tiana’s Hyperion Heights form) gets an idea to sell her pastries for profit out of the chicken shop. Jacinda goes along with it, but Victoria fucks them up, and they fight. But things turn out okay, because who needs financial stability, when you can have friendship? And grease fires. Meanwhile, Adelaide Kane is worn down by Victoria’s ceaseless cruelty towards her, and tries to rope Henry into finding out just what Victoria’s keeping in her lair. Roni intercepts because of her innate maternal instinct, and although they don’t find that captive British woman, Roni does find a photo of herself and child Henry in Storybrooke, which puzzles the fuck out of her and Henry when she shows him. And in another turn, Adelaide returns to the lair later by herself and it is revealed she already knows captive British woman, and she knows that she’s actually Drizella, and she’s been playing Henry (obv) and her mother all along. Mon dieux. Oh, and Rogers makes some very minor progress with his missing girl investigation.

The girl he’s looking for is Fook’s daughter, right? And we’ve assumed that’s Alice/Tilly, yes? I don’t really care.

Yes, sadly, I don’t really care much about what’s going on.

It’s five episodes into the season, and we’re yet to have a proper Roni episode. It’s criminal.

But hey, Sabine, bland and idealistic as she may be, does have delicious charisma.

I’m not gonna do to OUaT what I’ve done to Arrow. Yet.


Why I hate this episode:

But get the lead out, OUaT. We need more Lana.

And as much as I’m relishing Victoria’s quick descent into obsolescence, because Adelaide is far more compelling, it kind of pisses me off how little impact she even had. She really is just a rehash of Season 1 Regina, but without the charm. Or the weird sexual tension with Emma. Wasteful.

The one subplot I legitimately don’t care about is Rogers’ investigation. Once Upon a Time should know better than to keep making stories about long lost children. Next.

I appreciate that a forty minute television episode has got to be quick, but Sabine’s conclusion jump that she and Jacinda can run a business because her debut pastry pop up shop went okay is pretty irresponsible.

Along with Roni, Henry has seemingly also been demoted to extra. Whose story is this?

The Wreck-It Ralph reference was a groaner.

Oh, and we already knew Victoria/Tremaine’s motivations were to do with resurrecting Anastasia, but now that captive British woman’s interaction confirms this, we’ll need to brace for Victoria’s impending villain sob story that turns her into a sympathetic character. Again, Regina already nailed that shit down, honey.


But it’s not all bad:

At every turn where Victoria/Tremaine falls flat, I’m reminded by how much I enjoyed Regina. Which makes me happy.

But thank goodness we’ve got Adelaide to swoop in and take her place. The reveal of her having played Roni by warning captive British woman to hide was one thing, but that she’s also been duping her mum because she knows who she really is seals it. She’s got much more potential as a villain than Victoria/Tremaine. Let’s just hope her motivation isn’t also some mopey bullshit about saving Anastasia. With that brat dead, it’s Drizella’s time to shine, baby.

Papa Tunde also makes for a hammy, fun villain in the flashbacks. It seems that we haven’t seen the last of him, and while I don’t get the vibe that he’ll be a major villain, I wouldn’t be opposed to him reappearing in Hyperion Heights to aid Victoria or Adelaide at the right moment.

At the very least, his return would give us another reason to focus on Sabine. Mekia Cox has an endearing stage presence, and I found myself rooting for her, despite her stupidity and naivete. I hope she and Jacinda succeed.

The photo of Regina and Henry should provide those two with the necessary kick up the bum to start actually questioning the world around them. And I have to wonder why Adelaide would have planned to allow Roni to find it. Unless she didn’t?

Victoria does get one nice moment this episode, as she somehow procures a bag of Sabine’s pastries and seems to enjoy them. Right before ordering the hit on the chicken shop.

We also learn from Victoria’s interaction with captive British woman that the woman is actually giving Victoria advice on how to resurrect Anastasia. Which, because this is fucking OUaT, is to stamp out Lucy’s belief in magic. But I’ll take it.

Oh, and I don’t have anything else important to say, so here’s Mekia Cox’s radiant face.

OUaT Greenbacks Tiana

If we’re going to swap out villains, then why not protagonists?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Once Upon a Time Season 7 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. SlayerNina Fansub (@slayernina) says :

    What can I say, as a broken millenial, I’m on the wagon of the power of friendship solves financial troubles. But I won’t forget they didn’t place Tiana in the campy Cruella’s 20s. Liked the frog twist, though.

    Also, step back, bitches. Drizella is becoming the new Regina with more sass and modern references. I’m ok with that.

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