Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 16 – TV Review

PLL The Glove That Rocks the Cradle Emily Alison kiss

Does Emily have that pregnant woman fetish thing? It’s the only explanation.

My rage at PLL over the last few episodes has now been replaced by grim apathy.

So things are looking up.

TL;DR Emily and Alison are official (blech); Aria helps AD do petty vandalism and feels bad about it; most of the episode is wasted on Lucas as a blatant red herring, and not even an emotional one; Marco fully turns on Spencer (deserved); Ezra sets his career on fire for the sake of love.

Love conquers all. Except for the rent bill.

The march to the end continues, so here’s your Liar-by-Liar:

Aria get a lot of play this episode as AD harangues her into being their little spy. But all she really does is mess up Alison’s nursery, which achieves little. Ezra, however, converts brain cells into balls and rejects his and Aria’s publisher’s demands to play up his relationship with Nicole, instead bombing his book tour by yucking on about Aria. Noble?

Hanna takes charge on the actual plot stuff this episode, as she resolutely refuses to believe Lucas could be AD. She is proven right when he comes clean about his coincidental (connect every dot to every other dot, remember?) childhood friendship with Charles. And she abuses her access to Hotel Radley to destroy all the credit card receipts. For Spencer.

Yes, Spencer gets an application for a pussy pass denied by Detective Marco regarding her stupid use of Doctor Dude’s credit card at Hotel Radley on the night he disappeared. She also steals evidence from him, so he’s now on the warpath. Isn’t Spencer supposed to be the smart one?

Emily tirelessly throws herself at a largely uninterested Alison. But Alison realises she needs to latch onto whatever life raft she can get, and gives in. It is not romantic in the slightest.

Oh, and I’ll give a quick shoutout to Mona, who helps out in trying to catch AD (fruitlessly, but at least she tried), despite Hanna not really trusting her.

Is that a surprise to Mona?

Like, who cares?

Four to go. Is there enough gin in the world to last me, though?


Why I hate this episode:

The stuff with trying to catch AD is handled so sloppily. Hanna’s latest turn at the game requires her to deliver a hard drive to a locker at the high school. Emily and Alison volunteer to stake it out to catch AD in the act of picking it up, but end up just chit-chatting through their mission and bizarrely leaving after Alison trips and falls when hearing a strange noise. What the fuck?

Mona sticks around (offscreen), but AD apparently never shows. How could any of you think AD wouldn’t have thought of that? Jesus. Especially Mona, who was once an A herself, and should know better.

Aria’s turn as AD’s little helper is super blah. She trashes Alison’s nursery and everyone seems to make a big deal out of it, but what does that achieve? After seven seasons, it’s hardly news that an A/AD is capable of breaking into someone’s house.

I couldn’t believe how much time the episode wasted on Lucas as a suspect, only for him to reveal that his childhood friendship with Charles was coincidental. And even dumber, Lucas feels responsible for Cece’s torture of the Liars because he kept up a penpal friendship with Charles and would bitch about them when he was in high school. Shut the fuck up, you white knight, spineless turd. I was waiting for him to pull out a fedora to tip to Hanna.

Also, there’s apparently a second volume of the comic book they wrote, and it’s darker and eviller. And they never finished it, so the stinger shows AD settling in to draw the ending. Who gives an actual fuck? What garbage am I watching?

Last episode’s only interesting moment was when Hanna preyed upon Mona’s addiction to life-ruining to get her help for playing the board game. But then this episode Hanna does everything she can to exclude Mona from it. Mona has to beat down Hanna’s door to plead for the chance, and then she and Hanna have an inane argument about how Hanna is a bad friend for not telling the other girls that she knows about the board game. Who cares? You’ve only got four episodes left. Fucking use them.

Oh, and Ezra’s decision to destroy any chance of his and Aria’s book making money is not cute.


But it’s not all bad:

If it means failure for Aria, I’ll take it, I guess. Although, I suspect the book will still sell well or some shit to justify the Aria/Ezra relationship.

What Aria actually does for AD isn’t exciting, but I relished her awkwardness when the others all condemn the vandalism of the nursery.

Spencer also finds Aria’s earring in the nursery, which she dropped during her mission. Aria waves it away innocently, but this could be juicy.

I’m glad Lucas isn’t AD or part of their scheme. And despite his obvious pining for Hanna, the Hanna/Lucas friendship has always been a welcome part of the show. When Hanna stands up for Lucas to the Liars, I got into it.

You know who’s not standing up for an accused party, though? Marco for Spencer. He is completely, utterly done with her. I cackled when Spencer plead with him to stop looking into the credit card receipt because he loves her or whatever. No, bitch.

Spencer steals a USB from him that has footage of police interviews from the night Cece was killed. It shows Lucas recanting his fake alibi for the Liars, and leads to the episode’s best line:
Interviewer: “Do you think that they did it?”
Lucas: “Let’s just say that I wouldn’t be surprised.”
Well, they have literally killed people before, so yeah.

I was so ready to call bullshit on Hanna’s quest to find a months-old (months? I don’t know) credit card receipt in the Hotel Radley records room. But then she didn’t, and they had to water damage everything. A seldom-seen glimmer of reality in the Pretty Little Liars world.

Oh, and does AD enforce the black hoodie when on a mission, or does Aria just like it?

PLL The Glove That Rocks the Cradle Aria AD black hoodie

Wake up, sheeple!

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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