Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 11 – TV Review
Let it end.
God, just let it end.
TL;DR Apart from another Hastings family parentage disaster, nothing happens at all.
Only nine episodes to go.
So we’ll Liar-by-Liar this, but it’ll be quick:
Spencer is the only one with something relevant happening, as Veronica confirms that Mary Drake is indeed Spencer’s mother. PLL tries to say this with a straight and solemn face, but who are they kidding? Spencer is also the first one to crack and play this new absurd animatronic board game AD delivers. Because why not?
Aria continues to worry that Ezra will leave her for Aussie Chick, despite their impending wedding. She reconnects with Holden as he fulfills his obligatory final season cameo. I don’t expect him to stick around.
Emily finds herself torn between Paige and Alison’s vaginas, siding with Paige for the moment. Because Alison is a pathetic cunt.
Alison is a pathetic cunt.
And Hanna wastes time with some manufactured drama dujour wherein a new fashion client mistakes Mona for being Hanna’s boss, and this is Very Serious to Hanna. Whingeing ensues.
And Jenna is, sadly, still alive.
Like, who fucking cares? I thought I was struggling to care about Arrow. But damn, I forgot what it was like to pretend to care about PLL.
If Jason isn’t swanning around shirtless, and with no sight of Ashley on the horizon (still!), I don’t care.
I don’t even care enough to be truly angry at Pretty Little Liars, anymore.
Just end. Fuck.
Why I hate this episode:
The reveal of Spencer’s maternity made me laugh out loud. If PLL is consistently successful at one thing, it’s finding new ways to become worse. How many more goddamn Radley-related reveals will there be? At this point, I am legitimately expecting there to be more.
Spencer gets the episode’s worst line, which is in some ways its best line, with this simple response to Veronica’s tale of how Peter impregnated Mary because Mary had posed as Jessica: “Dad did this to you? He did this to you… again?” At least PLL’s writing admits its repetition out loud, huh?
Hanna’s subplot with Mona is absolutely pointless. So some stupid senator’s daughter mistook Mona as your boss? Who cares? Hanna’s “business” is such a mess that she should be grateful for the assistance, no matter the implication. And the client even says that she’ll tag Hanna, not Mona, on Instagram. Don’t be a dick, Hanna.
Emily spends her episode babysitting Alison as she moans and groans about her pregnancy (which I had forgotten about) and how her husband was a liar wah wah wah. Time’s running out, bitches. Say something important. Jesus.
Apart from the fact that Aussie Chick doesn’t actually appear and knock us out with her acting talent, Aria’s subplot is a black hole of suck. After the brain-damaged lengths this show has gone to in keeping Aria and Ezra OTP 4eva #shiplyfe, I feel no tension in their possible breakup. They will not break up.
The board game is another impressive new low for PLL.
Where the fucking fuck is Ashley?
Oh, and it turns out Toby and Yvonne’s car crash was caused by a deer. So AD is a deer confirmed? ADeer?
But it’s not all bad:
With Yvonne now comatose, she hasn’t got any chances to parade around her acting talent, either. I’m cool with that.
Spencer is saddled with the stellar ridiculousness of a mental asylum, twinanigan, revenge sex-related maternity reveal plot, but she and Veronica somehow manage to find a way to ground it and keep it out of daytime soap territory. But fuck, it’s close. Maybe Troian Bellisario could have an acting future without daddy’s decree to get her the role every time?
Hanna and Mona, even when stuck in a water-treading nothing of a subplot, make a fun team. Mona sets up Hanna for the best line of the episode, which is a mature display of the honesty of their friendship. As well as being snarky:
Mona: “Do you trust me?”
Mona’s earned it. Sometimes.
I could watch Emily shit on Alison all day. Because Alison is a pathetic cunt. In case you didn’t know.
Hanna, always the queen of pragmatism, suggests just smashing open the board game after Spencer gets a letter from Mary by playing it. The others stop her because they assume AD would have some kind of failsafe in place, but, as ever, good work, Hanna.
I’m pretty sure Veronica is the first parent of a Liar (besides Mary Drake now, I suppose) to appear all season. The absence of the parents has been a huge loss for the show, so I’m encouraged to see it being corrected. Hopefully Peter will turn up soon to verbally throw down with her.
Oh, and if Veronica’s joined the party, maybe Ashley is on the horizon?