Once Upon a Time Season 6 Episode 14 – TV Review
Just one episode after restoring my faith that Once Upon a Time could be fun again, and Queenie is out of here.
Apparently, for good.
I feel personally attacked.
TL;DR Queenie tries to destroy Regina, but ends up redeemed and whisked away to a happy ending with Nouveau Robin; Nouveau Robin doesn’t actually do anything villainous; Emma discovers Hook’s dark secret and dumps him; Hook leaves Storybrooke, but not by choice (although it started out that way); the flashbacks reveal nothing of value about Queenie.
Just like last episode’s flashbacks revealed nothing of value about Rumple. It’s OUaT’s specialty.
We’ll get through the flashbacks first, because they are woefully unimportant. Tinkerbell makes an odd cameo to nag Queenie about how she shouldn’t replace love in her life with hate, but Queenie is too focused on hunting down Snow. Henry Sr tries to give Queenie Cupid’s arrow so she can find The Man With The Lion Tattoo, but Queenie instead tries to use it to find Snow, but only discovers that, le gasp, the person Queenie hates most is actually… herself. Original. Meanwhile in Storybrooke, Queenie’s grand plan is to bargain Robin’s help in getting the Fates’ shears to sever herself from Regina in exchange for returning Robin to the Enchanted Fauxrest. The plan is successful, and Queenie then tries to murder Regina now that they are no longer linked. But Regina, choosing love over hate like she failed to do so long ago, transfers some of the love in her heart into Queenie’s blackened lump, and Queenie is suddenly redeemed. Despite some sideways glances from Snow and Zelena, Regina convinces Henry to use his author power to give Queenie a happy ending. And he does, sending her to start at Date One with Nouveau Robin in the Enchanted Fauxrest. Yuck. Meanwhile, Hook whinges to Captain Nemo (he’s still here?) about his Daddy-o murder secret. Emma ends up finding out because of some contrived bullshit, and dumps Hook. But not because he murdered her grandfather, but because he didn’t trust their relationship enough to tell her the truth. Original. Hook then decides to slink away from Storybrooke on the Nautilus. But then he doesn’t. But then Gideon sets the Nautilus in motion while Hook’s aboard, because he needs Hook out of Storybrooke as part of his plan.
I don’t know, mate. Should murdering Emma really be this complicated? Just shoot her in the head while she’s asleep or something.
So yeah, this episode fails on all three fronts.
The Hook/Emma stuff is more archaic, clichèd soap opera trash that only happens because of coincidences and people not talking to each other.
The flashbacks are more pointless than ever.
And, worst of all, Queenie is now gone.
I feel like OUaT sincerely doesn’t want me to watch, anymore.
Why I hate this episode:
And not only is Queenie insultingly tossed aside, but the episode makes sure to truly whittle down everything that made her special. The resolution to the conflict between her and Regina is for her and Regina to realise they’re not so different (pretty obvious, considering) and be treated in the same way. For fuck’s sake, Queenie was fun as a villain because she was different to Regina. Why did Once Upon a Time insist on chipping away at Queenie until she was another charity redemption case. They already have Regina for that.
And the “Henry just authors her away” ending to Queenie’s tale is unearned. Firstly, any reemergence of Henry’s nebulous Author powers is unwelcome. And really, show? Queenie’s Happily Ever After is to live in a fake realm that was only created a handful of episodes ago? Rude.
Just two episodes after Robin made it clear he did not have the hots for Regina, and now OUaT expects his happy ending to be with a Regina clone? Let’s not forget, as it only happened this episode, that Queenie is basically the same as Regina, now. What the hell, OUaT?
Queenie apparently leaves Regina with some ideas on how to undo the sleeping curse she put on Snow and David. This is torture.
Hook and Emma continue to suffer from soap opera stupidity. Why did he decide to burn his memory dreamcatcher (oh, instead of being brave enough to come clean to Emma, Hook instead decides to destroy his memories of murdering Daddy-o) in Emma’s fireplace? Isn’t there anywhere else in Storybrook where he could use a fire that didn’t have to be in Emma’s fucking house? Jesus, writers. Fuck.
Emma’s reasoning for rescinding her proposal acceptance, that she’s mad at him not for murdering her family member, but because he lied, is so predictable that I basically mouthed the lines along with her in real time. Boo.
Hook later suffers more coincidental bad timing, as Gideon sets the Nautilus in motion while he’s on there telling Nemo that he isn’t coming, after all. Cause and effect is pretty important when it comes to telling a story, OUaT. Dumb coincidence after dumb coincidence is not compelling.
Tinkerbell’s cameo seems unnecessary.
The fact that flashback Queenie’s most hated person is herself is a total eye roll. I’m pretty sure Snow is more of a cunt, you know.
Oh, and why wasn’t Queenie’s Happily Ever After with Daniel? If Author powers and fake fantasy side dimensions are on the table, then why not?
But it’s not all bad:
Before her pussification, Queenie does get to do a fair bit of swanning around, so thank God for that. She also successfully executes her plan to cut her ties from Regina.
Which means she can now attempt to kill her, and she gives it a red hot go. The fight choreography is no Arrow, but I got a kick out of Queenie and Regina throwing down in the mayor’s office.
The Tinkerbell cameo was superfluous, but hey, it’s Rose McIver. She must have had a spare few minutes in her iZombie schedule. Cute.
I don’t appreciate the flaccid drama that will undoubtedly ensue from Emma calling off the engagement, but I’ll consider any bump in their relationship to be a victory. However temporary. And what happened to the return of August? Get in there, ‘nocchio. Now’s your chance.
Flashback Queenie has a fabulous hat.
Oh, and if Queenie was going to be softened into a boneless chicken breast replica of Regina and patronised with a quickie happy ending, I’m glad she got to do it with someone so damn good-looking.
Tags: author, Captain Nemo, Cupid's arrow, Dreamcatcher, emma, Enchanted Fauxrest, Enchanted Forest, Fates' shears, Gideon, henry, hook, i just hate everything, ijusthateeverything, memory, Nautilus, Nouveau Robin, Once Upon a Time, ouat, Page 23, queenie, regina, robin, snow, Zelena
About ijusthateeverythingSincerity is death.
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